


What Are You Looking At?

by princeprincess



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Armpit Kink, Body Hair, Body Worship, Bottom Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, Coming Untouched, Crying, Cum Eating, Did I Mention Dirty Talking?, Dima and Sylvain Can't Decide Who's the Dom, Dima and Sylvain both just want to rail and be railed, Dima's Bubble Butt, Dimitri Has a Big Dick, Dirty Talk, Face-Sitting, Felix sex tutor, Feral Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route Spoilers, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Idiots in Love, Light Bondage, Like a Fuckton of Dirty Talk, Lots of Crying, M/M, Masturbation, Minor Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier, Mutual Pining, Oh Wait Its Dimitri, One-Sided Attraction, POV Sylvain Jose Gautier, Pining, Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Sad Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, Scent Kink, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Tension, Size Kink, Skinny Dipping, Slow Burn, Soft Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, Soft Sylvain Jose Gautier, Soft Sylvain Rights, Soooo Much Cum Eating, Sweat, Sylvain Jose Gautier Needs A Hug, Teasing, Top Sylvain Jose Gautier, Underwear Kink, Voyeurism, everyone's vers, first time rimming, no beta we die like Glenn, so does sylvain, taking it slow, virgin Dimitri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:00:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 62,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23455183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princeprincess/pseuds/princeprincess
Summary: Sylvain likes to watch Dimitri train. A lot. But it's not like he's in love with him or anything. No, that's not it. SHUT UP!-------So this began as a straight smut fic, aimed at getting Sylvain and Dimitri to do the dirty on the training field. As all good stories go, it's gone well beyond my original idea. So instead we've got some thick-headed pining, stolen glances and occasional touches, slowly driving Sylvain mad. And then we have a war, a time in which the world does some nasty things to the two lovers. And then we have a reunion, and a series of attempts to fix the past, understand the present, and build a new future together. Smut on smut on smut with the occasional interlude of crying/cuddling/feelings-vomit.-------Just Added:Chapter 23: First time...Coming Soon:Chapter 24: The morning after
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Sylvain Jose Gautier, Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 55
Kudos: 92





	1. Training Field

Sylvain was hitting a wall. He had been training with Ingrid for hours, and by now she was able to disarm him quickly and without much effort. Sylvain was impressed with her stamina, and was giving himself a bit of a break because he wasn’t really on the grounds to train. He was on the grounds because that’s where Dimitri was, and Sylvain couldn’t pass up the opportunity to watch the young prince move. It might have been a bit embarrassing to have Ingrid wipe the floor with him over and over, but he didn’t care.

It’s not that Sylvain didn’t see Dimitri all the time. They were quite close, and spent most of their days together, either in class or in the dining hall or doing their duties around the monastery. And it’s not like Sylvain was really spending time with Dimitri on the training grounds. He was just training in parallel, sneaking sideways glances as Dimitri worked his lance and Felix parried. 

Sylvain wasn’t exactly sure why he liked watching this so much. Or so he told himself. There’s the obvious “working his lance” component, but he didn’t let his thoughts get that far, lest his trousers cause a scene in the crowded training yard. He just liked to be close to Dimitri when he’s like this. When he’s working up a sweat, when he grunts with effort. Sylvain found the way Dimitri trained to be highly erotic. 

He went into the yard every day hoping his luck would strike and Dimitri would be training shirtless. And, of course, he saw Dimitri shirtless all the time. But this was different. Sylvain dreamed of seeing his glistening pecs, the taught muscles of his back, the bulge of his biceps as he struck, perhaps problematically animalistic, at his target. Every once in a while his dreams would come true, and he could drink in more of his powerful body. One time Dimitri put his arms around Sylvain’s shoulders when he was in this state and Sylvain had to resist every urge to turn his head and lick up the sweat from his pits. And of course, that’s just his upper half. Sylvain tries his best to keep his gaze from wandering to the prince’s tight ass, unsuccessfully of course, but enough so that he’s not driven to run over to Dimitri and lick up something else. Maddeningly, though there were many occasions in which the men of the monastery were naked together, he had never caught a glimpse of Dimitri’s dick. He could picture it in his mind, an approximate his size from the hefty bulge he was blessed enough to see on occasion in smallclothes, but he’s never seen the whole package. 

Sylvain has felt this way about Dimitri for a very long time. Ever since they were teenagers, Sylvain harbored, if not some kind of crush, but a profound sexual attraction to Dimitri. It started as the occasional flash of the young blonde across his mind during his more private moments late at night and first thing in the morning. What started as a fleeting image of his friend’s sweaty body slowly grew into something a little less manageable. Sylvain ended most of his days with his hand on his cock, conjuring these images of Dimitri on the training field and imagining what it would be like to take what he wanted. This nightly ritual usually kept him from popping a boner whenever he caught a whiff of the prince, but only just. Thankfully he had other trysts to keep him busy, poor replacements for what his body truly desired. 

Maybe it was a crush. Sylvain remembered that once, about a year before they came to the monastery, Dimitri had conceded to his uncle’s plea to have dinner with some daughter of some promising lord. Dimitri returned from his date glowing, seemingly taken with the young woman, and Sylvain had to excuse himself from the conversation to go throw axes at a target in the middle of the night. Sylvain couldn’t quite wrap his head around romantic feelings for another man, but he was quite certain how he felt about the prospect of other people touching that forbidden flesh. He wasn’t into it. 

But he was straight, right? At least bisexual. Maybe. Most of his distractions were women, probably just because it was easier. Relief was abundant, for a guy who looks like him. And he enjoyed sex with women, but even those moments, which were ecstasy for some, did not make him feel as good as he did alone with his fantasies, or even when he just locked eyes with the prince, on or off the training field. Okay, maybe he was a little less than bisexual. 

Back to the matter at hand. Ingrid was getting tired of winning, and told Sylvain that she was off to the sauna and then the dining hall, and asked if he would join her. Sylvain agreed, acknowledging that all good things must come to an end. He put away his own spear and walked up to the sauna. Surprisingly, it was pretty empty, and he changed quickly and walked in. 

As was the case in all of his quieter moments, his mind walked all over his Dimitri problem. In his more cogent states, he would recognize how ridiculous it was to be pining after his friend like this. Dimitri, though rather chaste, was certainly straight. He was just driving himself mad, feasting his eyes on Dimitri, who had the gall to wear a shirt today while he was training. He sweat though his shirt though, which was its own kind of exciting. Sylvain started thinking about what he would do if he came across that shirt on laundry duty… 

As he sat there in his own little reverie, other nagging thoughts flew in. He was past the point of feeling shame about how often he jerked off thinking about Dimitri. That was just a fact of his life. But he did sometimes feel bad about using other people to scratch his itch. He shouldn’t be taking advantage of people like that, using them like that. Some of them probably even had feelings for the dashing redhead, even though he made no illusions about his emotional availability, or lack thereof. That sucked. He might suck. Maybe, he though, he should take a bit of a breather from the constant replacement-sex. When he was both more cogent and struck by strength of will, he would resolve to bury his predilections entirely, which began with him swearing off sex. This wasn’t quite one of those moments, but it was close. He felt particularly bad about taking that young merchant to bed last night, who had managed to stay the night and rouse him with her mouth around his dick. He didn’t get hard. 

His little bubble of horny shame was popped when someone got up to leave the sauna, the last person there besides himself. As the other man opened the door, another figure walked in. Great, it was Dimitri. 

“Tough day on the field, Sylvain. You doing OK?”

Sylvain shut his eyes, determined not to look over at Dimitri. He saw enough when he walked in. Dimitri was only wearing a towel, slung low around his hips. 

“My mind’s just been on other things, I guess. I’ll make up for it tomorrow.” He lied. He knew he was going to be just as distracted tomorrow. He wasn’t really going there to train, after all. 

“Thinking of the woman from last night?” 

Uh oh. 

“What do you mean?” Sylvain asked, nervous. It wasn’t the first time Dimitri would have heard something, but he still didn’t love it. There was a part of him that didn’t like it when Dimitri asked him about his sex life, as if he was being forced to admit he was having some kind of affair. Of course, Dimitri couldn’t know that’s how Sylvain was feeling, and to keep up an air of normalcy Sylvain would often swallow his strange feelings and try his best to be cool about it. 

“Oh stop. I heard you up late last night. Sounded like you were both having a good time.” 

Sylvain opened an eye and shot a look over at Dimitri’s crooked smile. 

“Not that I was really trying to listen, of course. Can’t really help it sometimes.” 

Thankfully, because of the sauna, Sylvain was already red. 

“Not that I mind. I’m happy that you’re having fun, staying as Sylvain as Sylvain can be. Everyone needs their outlet.” 

This kind of broke Sylvain’s brain. He logged away the fact that Dimitri didn’t mind hearing him have sex, that was for later. More immediately, he felt thrown back into an inextricable problem. Even if he did want to make some advance on Dimitri, Dimitri would only think he was doing that because he was some sex monster. And he was, but Sylvain knew that this thing with Dimitri was different. Sometimes he allowed himself the fantasy that Dimitri felt the same way as he did, that he was harboring some secret lust or love, but that fantasy was always crushed by the fact that Dimitri would never act on it, because Sylvain had done his darndest to make sure that everyone knew that he was a straight sex monster with no feelings. He was also sad that Dimitri thought what he heard was Sylvain having fun. He wasn’t having fun; he was trying to find some semblance of sanity. Finally, and this was also logged for later, Sylvain’s interest was piqued by the idea of Dimitri’s own outlet. What on earth could his pretty blonde friend be up to? 

“I guess. I’m thinking about taking a little break from sex for a bit. Maybe that’ll help me focus on the field.”

Dimitri laughed. Why wouldn’t he? That was hysterical. Though Sylvain was serious. 

“No, really. I don’t know why", he lied, "but I feel like I’ve been going a little too wild lately.” 

Dimitri didn’t respond. He just laid back and stretched his arms out to rest them on the ledge behind him. His extended fingers could just about touch Sylvain’s shoulder. Sylvain leaned over ever so slightly, just enough to have a moment’s contact with the prince’s relaxed middle finger. He was only human, after all. 

After a while, Dimitri spoke. “Sylvain, I wanted to ask you something, for some advice.” 

Gulp. “Sure, whatever you need buddy.”

“Ignoring your recent bid at abstention, you’ve always been the most successful, of our friends, in love.” 

Ugh. Untrue. But Dimitri couldn’t know that. 

“There’s been someone I’ve had my eye on,” Dimitri continued, “and I’ve been thinking about the right time to make my move, and the right way, while we’re at it.” 

This one hurt. Dimitri had never asked him for relationship advice before. He knew it would probably happen one day, but he had no idea that it was going to feel like the Sword of the Creator ended up in his chest. 

“Well,” Sylvain replied, “do you think they’re interested?”

“I’m not sure. I think I’ve caught them making glances at me before, especially on the training field.” 

If he was red before, Sylvain had miraculously found a way to go shock white in an instant.

“Well, why do you think… she… would do that?”

“Well I imagine that” and here Dimitri took a slight pause, a big intake, “she finds my training attractive. I understand that. There’s a certain air of sexuality on the training field, don’t you think? Unresolved tensions of various kinds.”

Sylvain just nodded, trying to mask the sound of his gulp. The leg closest to Dimitri started bouncing, seemingly of its own accord. 

“But anyways, there are other times as well. I talk to them often, and we have a fine relationship otherwise, but I just can’t shake this feeling I’m having about them watching me train. I think I might like it? When I train, I often try to see if I can meet their glance while they look at me, as if I could communicate to them that they’re welcome to keep looking.”

Suddenly his mouth was dry, an impossible feat in a humid sauna. “So, do you, like, have feelings for this person, or do you just want to fuck them after training?” 

Dimitri was silent for a second. 

“Definitely the second one, but probably the first as well. Do you think I should do something about it? What would you do?”


	2. Weird Hope

As he lay in bed, Sylvain thought about his conversation with Dimitri. Frankly, he’d thought about little else since he ran out of there, telling Dimitri that he’d forgotten his plans with Ingrid and that they’d have to keep talking about his problem later. 

His plan for the evening had been to eat a quick dinner with Ingrid, talk a quick question over with the professor, and then call it an early night. Well, early-looking. He was planning, of course, on rubbing his dick raw until the early hours, like he did most nights. And now he laid in bed, naked, with little inclination to follow through on his plans. 

What Dimitri had said to him surprised him in a number of ways. He closed his eyes, put his arm behind his head, and brushed his fingers aimlessly through his pubes. First and foremost, that Dimitri was interested in anyone at all was shocking. The man was not one for opening up, especially to those he didn’t know well, nor was he known for having any kind of romantic feelings, save for that one almost-queen from a few years back. Let alone any kind of sexual desire. Sylvain had never even once heard Dimitri jacking off, and not for lack of trying. As they all grew up together, even Felix talked, when it was just the three of them, about the possibility of having sex one day, about getting erections at inopportune times. Felix had even once asked Sylvain how to masturbate, and Sylvain had happily showed him the ropes. But nothing like that from Dimitri. The mere thought of Dimitri being sexually aroused at all was enough to put him into quite a state, and would otherwise have driven his masturbatory fantasies up a few notches for a bit. 

But then came a pretty harsh ambivalence. On the one hand, Sylvain was hopelessly, irredeemably jealous of the object of Dimitri’s affection, to the point of anger. The idea of going back down to the training yard to play a game of scream-and-throw-axes crossed his mind, but he thought better of it. He wondered who it could be, and settled on a short-list of Dorothea or Petra. He made a note to make sure not to sit with them at lunch tomorrow. 

On the other hand—well, not exactly a whole hand. On the other tiniest part of his pinky finger, Sylvain was entranced by the idea that the young prince could have been talking about him. There was a freaky similarity to the way Dimitri talked about his admirer and the kinds of admiring Sylvain was wont to do. Though, all things considered, he could not possibly be the only person stealing glances at that broad blonde frame. And he had never once locked eyes with Dimitri, or had been caught by him, and of that he was sure. If Dimitri was seeking out his admirer’s attention, he was either doing a bad job of it, or it was certainly not him. And of course, the straight issue came up again. Dimitri couldn’t be talking about Sylvain. That just wasn’t how this story goes. Dimitri was talking about Petra, fantasizing about her looking at him while he worked out, dreaming of fucking her into the ground of the training yard, hoping to catch her sideways glances. 

Sylvain’s dick felt a similar ambivalence. Still fully soft, Sylvain ran his hand over it, turning it over so he could play with his balls a bit. Sometimes that helped, not that he ever really had trouble getting hard for his self-pleasure time. It was a little hot out, so Sylvain’s balls sat loose, sticking to his thigh. He spread his legs a bit to unstick them, and spent a moment fondling himself. It took the edge off. His balls were feeling a little heavy tonight, maybe because of the heat, maybe because they were always like that.

Why not him? Sylvain knew that tons of people looked at him the way he looked at Dimitri. And he knew there were probably people who found him more attractive than the prince. His teenage years did him well, after all. He stood tall, and his chest and arms had developed nicely. He didn’t have as much of an ass as Dimitri, but he filled out his trousers well. He might lack Dimitri’s animalistic sensuality (well, he might be the only person who finds that sensual) but his suave and cool demeanor was enticing enough, at least to the degree that his distraction-advances usually went well. And, though his heart wasn’t really in it, he knew he was great in bed. Why wouldn’t Dimitri be talking about him? Just because he was straight? Well, so was Sylvain, ostensibly! 

Sylvain knew this line of thinking was dangerous. He knew that he would regret giving in to fantastical temptation in the morning. But the cart had already hit the road, so to speak. So, in a moment of weakness, he allowed himself to imagine that Dimitri was looking at him the way that he looked at Dimitri. 

His cock sprang to life, and he wrapped his hand around it, starting off with slow strokes. Sylvain loved his cock, and no one could really blame him for it. Thick enough so that he just barely got his whole hand around it, long enough so that he sometimes had to use two. He gave it some languid strokes, stopping at the tip to play a bit with his foreskin. He ran his finger underneath the skin, spreading around some of the precum that had started to dribble out. 

He pictured himself in the training yard, shirtless. He and Dimitri were sparring together. Fantasy Dimitri had opted to keep his shirt on, but that did nothing to hide the sweat, the force with which he trained, the violent grunts and groans that escaped his lips as he took his jabs at Sylvain. Dimitri paused for a moment and put his spear down, taking a moment to stretch his arms above his head. Really, this is what Sylvain died for. As Dimitri lifted his arms, his lower belly peeked out from his shirt, and Sylvain could see the beginnings of his defined abs, the light dusting of blonde hair that led down into his pants, a trickle of sweat…

Sylvain was stroking himself in earnest now, his other hand still giving his balls a light touch. On nights when he felt particularly inclined, Sylvain would sometimes allow his free hand to drop down and circle his entrance. This was one of those nights. Sylvain brought his hand to his mouth, licked his finger, and began to ghost his hole. 

Dimitri lowered his arms, gave a bit of a stretch side to side, and looked off into the distance. This gave Sylvain the perfect opportunity to drink him in. His soft, slightly tanned neck, sloping down into those lean, broad shoulders. And from there Sylvain traveled further down, to Dimitri’s back, hidden by his shirt (why, fantasy, why??) but soaked in sweat, clinging to him. Sylvain wanted to be that shirt, to be that close to Dimitri’s exerted muscles, to feel the slide of Dimitri’s back against his bare chest. 

Sylvain was close to the finish line now. He could feel his orgasm coming, and decided to slow it down by paying his head some attention. He slowly pulled his foreskin back and over his head, focusing on the back of it, playing moving his foreskin all over that slick, oversensitive, throbbing part of him. It was almost torture. 

Dimitri looked back at Sylvain and took a step forward. He gripped the bottom hem of his shirt, as if he was about to take it off. 

“What are you looking at?”

Sylvain came, shooting rope after rope across his chest. One hit him in the chin, and he greedily stuck out his tongue to lap at his own cum. His heart was pounding in his ears, his chest heaving, and he took the hand he was halfheartedly fingering himself with, and brought it to his chest. His other hand was slowly still stroking his dick into softness, riding the wave for as long as he could. This hand dipped into the cum on his chest, took up a bit, and rubbed it into his nipple. He continued to do this for a few minutes, until he felt sleep coming at him fast. He didn’t have anything on hand to clean himself with, so he scooped the remaining cum from his abs and licked it up. Sylvain loved to eat his own cum, but of course he always imagined it was Dimitri's, and that he was licking up Dimitri’s abs after he made the prince come. 

He probably wasn’t, but what if Dimitri was looking at him?


	3. Forgotten

More training meant more fantasy material. More training meant more glances. Sylvain started hiding them less—not just a quick glance, but a whole turn of the head, a sustained look. Sometimes, not every time. People probably noticed, but thought nothing of it. Just a friend watching a friend train. 

This was a particularly hot day. Dimitri, really everyone, had opted to go shirtless for training today. Looks like there was a goddess, after all. Sylvain would spend a week in Ailell if it meant that Dimitri would adopt this stance on shirts more permanently. 

In the past weeks both Sylvain and Dimitri had also gotten just a little tan, from all the sun. It just made Dimitri look that much more golden. The hairs on his arms and legs had lightened a little more, too, a blonde dusting on his veiny, thick forearms. Sylvain just wanted to touch his hand. Even just make eye contact, though he knew how dangerous that was. But he’d settle for a friendly punch in the arm, a pat on the back, a squeeze of the shoulder. Sylvain noticed that he got more of this kind of attention from Dimitri when he actually worked during training, so he set himself to finally beating Ingrid at something. 

Everyone was dripping sweat after a while, and the professor decided to call it a day. Sylvain was happy to get off the field (he could only take so many more bruises from Ingrid) but, as always, sad to see his time with sweaty-athlete-animal Dima come to a close. But even so it was a productive day for fantasy-making. Sylvain intended to come up with something good, to cum as he had his face buried in fantasy Dimitri's sweaty armpit. 

Felix and Caspar were with them on the field, but they both went off to the sauna right after. Sylvain wasn’t in the mood for more sweating, and Dimitri wanted to eat, so they went together over to the changing rooms off the training area. They both began to undress in silence. 

Sylvain hated these moments. He was closer than ever to Dimitri’s body, but furtive glances were harder to come by. Usually they stood on opposite sides, facing away from each other.

But this time Dimitri stood right next to Sylvain. Really close actually. He sat down on the bench and looked up at Sylvain, smiling. 

“Really good work out there today. This whole no sex thing boosting your training?” 

Sylvain shrugged. “It’s doing something! It feels good to be giving it my all out there, even though Ingrid wipes the floor with me every time.” 

Dimitri laughs. He stood and slowly started to get undressed, first taking off his boots, then standing to take off his shirt. He tosses the shirt casually next to his bag and turned to face Sylvain as he undid the ties to his pants. 

“You know Sylvain, you and I should train together more. I probably wouldn’t be able to go as hard on you as Ingrid does, and you could teach me a thing or two about axes.” Dimitri said this as he started pushing his pants down. He stood there facing Sylvain, in nothing but his smallclothes. 

Well, this was different, Sylvain thought. He turned to face his friend, and immediately wished he hadn’t. He could just reach out and touch Dimitri’s slim waist, grab a hold a pull him closer to him, brush some of that sweaty hair away from his face, bring their faces together and…

“Sylvain, are you OK?” 

Oops. 

“Yes, yes, sorry, just a little tired. I would love to train more with you, Dima, I think that’s a great idea.” 

“Wonderful! Maybe starting tomorrow? Can you break the news to Ingrid for me?” 

So eager! Why did Dimitri want to train more with him? Sylvain knew he was full of shit. Sylvain couldn’t teach Dimitri a thing (but he might have been right that Sylvain stood a fighting chance against him as opposed to Ingrid). Maybe he just wanted to spend time together? This was going to change his secret voyeuristic strategy. Or bring it to a whole new level. Sylvain took a second to remove his own shirt and pants, quickly so as to limit the time in which he was both in only his smallclothes and Dimitri was so close to him. Something to think about later, there were more immediate issues at hand.

“Sure, don’t worry about it.”

“Great! Thanks for this, I think it’ll be a lot of fun for us.” 

And with that Dimitri turned away from Sylvain to remove his smallclothes. He started pushing the garment slowly off of his frame. Noticeably slowly. Sylvain took this chance to change his smallclothes quickly, but he bent down at the same moment that Dimitri’s own garment crested over his beautiful ass. Sylvain found his face just inches away from it. He froze for a moment, taking it all in while Dimitri was looking the other way. 

Dimitri’s ass struck him like lightning. He was absolutely frozen, transfixed by that muscular bubble. Of course, Sylvain had never had the chance to see it up close like this, and he thought that Dima’s ass lived up to his fantasies and then some. What he’d never pictured before, though, was the light covering of blonde hair that got a little denser as it got into Dimitri’s crack. To top it all off, in that same moment, Dimitri bent down to pick up his garment, giving Sylvain a one-in-a-lifetime sight – Dimitri’s hole. 

Sylvain was starting to get dizzy. This was too much, even for him. The object of one’s obsessions should never materialize in such a fashion. It blurred the line between fantasy and reality. Sylvain hurried to put his clean clothes on, turning away from Dimitri to hide his growing erection. 

As he did that, Dimitri put on his own clean clothes and turned to face Sylvain’s back. 

“You know Sylvain, you’ve always been pretty muscular, but all this time at the monastery has really been good for you. I mean just look at your back!”

Dimitri stepped closer to Sylvain and did the unthinkable. Clad only in his clean pants, Dimitri brought his chest mere inches from Sylvain’s back and began to touch him, slowly brushing his hand over Sylvain’s back muscles.

“Um, thanks Dimitri. I could say the same for you.”

“Oh, I don’t know, I’m not sure I see much of a difference. Maybe mostly in my chest. What do you think?”

Gulp.

“Definitely your chest, Dimitri, and your shoulders. Come on, your upper body is like a perfect triangle!” 

Dimitri laughed. Sylvain also laughed, but with a noticeable nervous cadence. 

“Thanks. Oh goddess, I forgot I needed to run something by the professor before dinner. Meet me there?” 

Sylvain nodded as Dimitri rushed to throw the rest of his clothes on and ran out of the changing room. Sylvain was finally able to breathe. He started buttoning up his shirt, when he noticed something on the floor. No, it couldn’t be. There’s no way. 

Dimitri had forgotten his smallclothes, the ones he wore during training.

Panic. Dimitri would probably be back any second to retrieve them. Sylvain wished he just hadn’t seen them there, that he wasn’t now presented with an opportunity he’d prayed for. Without much debate, though, he reached down, grabbed them, and quickly stuffed them into his bag. 

Sylvain knew that this was crossing a line. Stealing dirty underwear? That’s insane. But he was not capable of logical thought here. This could be the closest he ever gets to Dimitri. 

He knew he had a few spare moments before Dimitri made it to the dining hall, so Sylvain practically ran up to his room. He locked the door behind him, took his new treasure out of his bag, and laid down on his bed. 

Sylvain didn’t even know where to start. He held the bunched smallclothes in his left hand, and with his right started undoing the laces of his pants. They were still damp with Dimitri’s sweat. 

Taking his cock out, Sylvain brought Dimitri’s smallclothes to his nose. The smell was overpowering. Sharp sweat and heady musky. His cock had never been harder, and he began stroking himself furiously. No light foreskin teasing this time, this was a matter of some urgency. 

Sylvain decided he needed both hands on his cock, so he draped the smallclothes across his face, centering the section that would have enveloped Dimitri’s cock and balls. The smell was the strongest there, completely intoxicating. As he inhaled Dimitri’s most private scents, he could not help but let a slight moan escape. In his erotic frenzy, Sylvain stuck out his tongue and began to lap at the fabric, sucking in the bits of sweat Dimitri had left behind. He was losing it. 

Unable to hold it in anymore, Sylvain came with a slightly-stifled roar. Later he was glad that most people were down in the dining hall. He hadn’t cum this much in a long time, his whole chest covered in white ropes, effectively ruining his clean shirt. Only after he came down a bit did he notice that his first shot landed right onto the stolen smallclothes. In that moment he could smell his own scent mixing with Dimitri’s, and his plaintive cock was making an appeal for another round. Later. 

He quickly stuffed Dimitri’s smallclothes into a box under his bed where he kept other unmentionables. He changed into clean clothes quickly, and after taking a second to look in the mirror to make sure he didn’t look too blissed-out, he went down to the dining hall. He banished the any guilty thoughts about what he’d just done. It felt too good. And guilt was useless – he wasn’t going to stop here, and he was already planning on stuffing the smallclothes in his mouth later, excited to be gagged by Dimitri’s scent. 

He found Dimitri sitting with Ingrid and Felix and went to join them, making up some excuse about why he was late. 

“Sylvain, did you change your shirt?”


	4. In Tents

A few weeks after the smallclothes incident, Sylvain and Dimitri found themselves camping together while the class was on a mission. Some bandits in some remote forest were going to get a whooping from some notably powerful students, but that was later. Sylvain would usually share a tent with Felix and Ashe, Dimitri usually with Dedue. But Dedue was injured recently and was forced to remain behind, certainly a unique nightmare for the hulking Duscurian. So Dimitri joined in with Sylvain and Felix. 

The three of them had shared a bedroom before, plenty of times. Nothing notable about it. Except, of course, the overwhelming sexual desire that overcomes Sylvain whenever the blonde prince is around. But that’s just an everyday thing, of course. Doesn’t matter if it’s at the monastery or a hundred leagues away. 

As they were setting up camp, Dimitiri asked Sylvain to join him for a walk along the grounds; a half-hearted patrol, but mostly an excuse to get away from the stresses of an upcoming battle and get into nature a bit. Sylvain agreed. 

They walked in relative silence for a bit, which was odd. Dimitri was usually a bit of a chatterbox. So was he, for that matter. Dimitri broke the silence, though, a few minutes in, once they were far enough away from camp. 

“I know I haven’t mentioned this in a while, but you still owe me some advice.”

“Oh really? What about?” Lies. He knew what it was about.

“About my possible admirer?”

“Right. Well, has anything happened?”

“Not really. But I can still feel their eyes on me when we train. Honestly, it’s all I can think about. Certainly, you’ve noticed me being distracted.” 

Sylvain had. He and Dimitri had been training together for the past few weeks, and Dima’s been off his game a bit. Sylvain didn’t notice himself, because he was similarly off his game, probably more so now, but Felix and Ingrid pointed it out to him the other day, concerned.

“Well we all have a lot going on, I figured you must have other things on your mind.” 

“Really, it’s just this person. And it’s not just when we’re on the training field. They’re everywhere. I don’t really know what to do with these feelings… You know me, I’ve never been the type to be so brazen about my sexual desires, but this tension is getting overwhelming. I’ve been, um, well, taking a lot of time to myself to deal with it.” 

Ambivalent music to Sylvain’s ears. The same feeling of soul-crushing jealousy mixed with the crotch-stirring notion of Dimitri jacking off. Sylvain tried to laugh it off.

“Dima I’m scandalized. I didn’t even know you knew how to do that!” 

Dimitri shot him a look and smiled slightly. 

“Just because I didn’t join you and Felix when we were teenagers doesn’t mean I couldn’t figure it out for myself. You both talked about it vividly enough, I could work some things out.” 

“Of course, of course, Your Highness, I did not mean to insult your knowledge of all things masturbatory.” 

“And you’d be well to remember that!” Dimitri said with a laugh. “But to be honest it’s not really helping the situation much. I could do it three times a day and still feel something… stirring… whenever I imagine them watching me train. Do you think I’m crazy? What if no one is watching me and it’s all in my head?” 

A tricky needle for Sylvain to thread. He didn’t want to discourage Dimitri from this line of thought, of course not. He liked the prince all pent-up and horny. But he didn’t want to direct any attention to himself either.

“Oh stop. Look at you. Maybe no one is mounting you on the training field yet, but I’m sure you’re the object of many monastery fantasies.” 

“I just wish the other person would make the first move. This is such unfamiliar territory for me. I think they might be afraid of affecting our relationship, but I think all this tension is doing more harm. Secrets weigh heavy and all that. But again, despite your protest, it could all be in my head, and it could be that I’m just stealing hungry glances myself, transfixed by this person with nothing to show for it.”

Dimitri stopped in his tracks and looked down at his feet. Sylvain felt awful. 

“Listen, Dima, here’s what I think. I think you’re right, that this person is probably afraid of being honest with you. People have lots of… reasons for doing that. If you think that’s what it might be, maybe you can try sending some small sign to them letting them know it’s OK to be more forward?” 

“Like what?”

“Oh, I don’t know, get creative. A few extra touches here and there. Spend some time alone with them. Make them feel more secure in their relationship with you.” 

Dimitri sighed. 

“I’ve been trying to do just that, actually, without really realizing it. Still no luck.”

He walked over to Sylvain, reached out his hand to grab Sylvain’s own, and gave it a small squeeze.

“Thanks anyways, though, Sylvain.”

Dimitri walked off, clearly not wanting any more company. 

\-------------

Sylvain couldn’t sleep that night. Dimitri wasn’t talking about him. There was no way. Everything was just coincidental. End of story. But every time he got closer to sleep, the thought would pop back into his mind. What if he was talking about me? 

Sylvain thought that maybe he should try and put some distance between him and the prince. Maybe then, if Dimitri is still having this tense relationship with his admirer, he would know that Dimitri was talking about someone else. But that carried huge risk. If Dimitri was talking about him, that would destroy everything. And though Sylvain knew that Dimitri wasn’t talking about him, wasn’t looking at him, wasn’t jacking off thinking about him, he couldn’t bring himself to take that chance. And so he laid wide awake on the eve of battle, trying to keep his tossing and turning to a minimum so as to not disturb his tent-mates. 

Dimitri had been on watch tonight, so at least Sylvain didn’t have to worry about working all of this through his mind with the object of his affections sleeping three feet away from him. But Sylvain must have been at this later than he thought, because in the middle of the night Dimitri returned from his shift and got into bed. 

Sylvain couldn’t help but point his senses at Dimitri’s figure. The moonlit undressing. The slow rise of his chest as he breathed. Sylvain did his best to pretend he was asleep. 

After a while Dimitri got up on his elbows and looked around the tent, checking, Sylvain assumed, to see if everyone was asleep. Satisfied, apparently, he laid back down. Sylvain watch him put one hand behind his head, the other resting on his underneath his thin blanket. 

Slowly, Sylvain noticed, the prince’s hand began to brush down the front of his chest, stopping for a beat at his abs, before going lower, eventually resting in his crotch. 

No, Sylvain thought. No way. I can’t watch this. Sylvain didn’t want to alarm Dimitri and stop him either, but he had to pantomime a sleepy turn so that the prince had some semblance of privacy. But that did not stop Sylvain from listening. 

Dimitri, sensing Sylvain’s motion, stopped for a moment. There was stillness for a few minutes, but then Sylvain could hear some slight rustling, some quicker breaths. Dimitri was slowing having one off. 

Sylvain’s own cock was pressed against his sleeping pad, throbbing hard. Painful, even. Thankfully one hand was close by, and he was able to maneuver himself so that he was at least able to tease his head a little bit. He wasn’t a saint. 

The rustling picked up a bit, in its own rhythm, as did Dimitri’s shallow breathing. A soft moan escaped his lips. Sylvain himself was getting surprisingly close to coming, with just this light bit of stimulation. Hell, he’d probably be able to cum just from listening to Dimitri jack off. 

Dimitri let out another moan, and Sylvain knew he was done. All of a sudden, though, Sylvain was hit by the smell of the prince’s release. Fresh cum in the open, a familiar scent. This drove Sylvain over the edge, and he masterfully came in his smallclothes without making a sound. A problem for tomorrow. 

What Sylvain did not expect though, was to hear some soft, squishing sounds, followed by Dimitri opening his mouth. It would seem the prince liked to eat his own cum as well. Duly noted, thought Sylvain’s dick. 

This was enough to put Sylvain in a better position to sleep, but as he drifted off, he kept his ear on the dozing, satisfied prince. 

He could almost make out the prince whispering to himself, “Why?”


	5. A Different Kind of Training

Sylvain was more than a little confused after coming back from the mission. His talk with Dimitri stirred up more than it settled, and he was longing for the uncomplicated days of stolen glances and uninterrupted self-pleasure. He was in desperate need of someone to talk to. 

He could always go to Ingrid and pretend he was having girl troubles. But he’d never done that before, and it was more in his character to seek advice on how to brush people off rather than get people to stick. Or whatever he was trying to do with Dimitri. He hadn’t yet decided. 

Then there was Felix. Felix was, perhaps, a better choice. At least he could count on Felix for a harsh reality check. He probably needed that more than a confidant. Felix, he also knew, had occasionally ventured into various sexual relationships with men, though Sylvain thought that they were more an extension of his training regime than a signal of romantic inclination. Sylvain happily recalled his own fits of experimentation with Felix—the teenage dick-measuring (Felix would win for a time, until Sylvain hit a bit of a growth spurt in that department) and the occasional circle jerk. Was it a circle if it was just two friends masturbating together, giving each other pointers, checking each other out? Not really.

Sylvain decided that Felix, in the end, was the person to go to. And, on the off chance that Felix was affirming rather than his regular dismissiveness, perhaps Sylvain could tap that well for some more dick-sexing advice, now that Felix has had a bit more experience. While their relationship was strained at time, they always enjoyed a close, sibling-like bond, which found new heights whenever Sylvain took a break from philandering. 

So a few nights after they returned to the monastery, Sylvain knocked on Felix’s door. 

“Little late for a social call, don’t you think, Sylvain? What do you want?”

“Well, Fe, I was hoping to talk to you about something, but maybe a little bribe is in order?”

Sylvain reached out and handed Felix a small slice of cake, which Lysithea had baked earlier that day.

“Payment accepted. Come in.”

Sylvain came in and sat down on Felix’s bed, and Felix walked over and sat across from him at his desk. 

“What is it?”

“Unsurprisingly, it’s a romantic problem. No no no Felix it’s not like the other ones, don’t give me that face.”

“Uh huh.” 

“No really. I think I might be in love with someone, and I’m starting to lose my mind about it.” 

“So, you’re finally willing to admit you’re in love with Dimitri? Looks like I win the bet, then. Ingrid thought you wouldn’t come talk to us about it for at least another six months.” 

Sylvain’s jaw dropped. 

“How… how did you know?”

“Sylvain, we all know. You can’t stop staring at the guy whenever we’re training. You always have to sit next to him whenever we do anything. And every time he even mentions a woman’s name your left eye twitches and you clench your teeth. It’s not like we all talk about it behind your back though. Ingrid and I have just been getting annoyed. At you both really.”

Sylvain sighed and put his face in his hands. 

“I don’t think it was THAT obvious, Fe. You just know what to look out for.” 

“Sure, sure. Well anyways-“

“And what do you mean, ‘at you both’?” 

“Well, Dimitri can be a bit thick-headed, as we well know. And I know he would never want you to be in such a state if he knew about your tormented little crush. I was hoping he would say something to you about it.” 

“Well, he has and he hasn’t. He came up to me a few weeks ago and said he was feeling some kind of sexual tension with someone, someone he knew had been watching him on the training field. And he asked what he could do to show that person it was OK to make the first move, because he was afraid to do it himself.” 

“And you think he might be talking about someone else?”

“Of course he is! Dimitri has never shown any interest in men. I hadn’t even shown any interest in men!”

“Well, Sylvain, we both know that’s not true. You were VERY curious about my dick, back in the day. And you never listen as closely to me as when I vaguely reference hooking up with one of the knights or whatever.” 

“Still, Dimitri hasn’t. He’s talking about Petra, I know it!” 

Felix sighed.

“He’s not talking about Petra. Petra has been hooking up with Dorothea since we got here.” 

Well, that eliminated his short list. 

“Oh. So you really think Dimitri noticed me looking at him?”

“Well, I don’t know. My guess is that he was talking about you. I haven’t noticed anyone else giving him those kinds of looks, and I’m pretty perceptive. Plus, only the two of you seem to treat the training yard as some space to build your sexual tension. Everyone else is just there to train. Ever since the two of you started training together, the field has been a nightmare for everyone. What, you both with your sweaty chests heaving, staring at each other, fighting in such a specific way so that you keep getting so close to each other. I have no idea how you managed to make lance training close contact…”

Sylvain had no idea what to say to that. 

“So what do you think I should do?”

“Well, he said he wanted this someone to make the first move, right?”

“Yes… but I am not doing that! That could ruin our friendship.”

“More than you pining after him from now to the goddess’ return?”

Felix had a point there.

“No… but I’m still scared.”

“Buck up. I’ve seen you stare down demonic beasts. The boar prince couldn’t be that scary. Besides, you can always rebuild a friendship. You can’t build anything from where you’re sitting.”

Felix had another point. A good point.

“Well there’s also… And…”

“And what, Sylvain?”

“Evenifhedidlikemelikethatidontknowwhattodoaboutitlikesexuallyyouknow”

“What was that?”

“You’ve got my head spinning! Now that you think there’s a chance he might feel the same way about me, I’m freaking out about actually having sex with him.”

“Don’t you think you’re getting ahead of yourself? You haven’t even made a move yet?”

“I know I know. But this whole thing has been very sexually… intense. If he feels the same way I feel, we’re going to be jumping each other before we’ve even really talked about anything…”

“Sylvain, am I the only other man you’ve hooked up with?”

Sylvain wasn’t sure he would call what he and Felix did “hooking up,” but he nodded, nonetheless.

“Well, I’d be OK with helping you out there.”

“Really, Fe? You mean that?”

“Sure. I mean, I can’t let you keep going like this.”

“Okay, so what do I-“

Sylvain was stopped mid-sentence by Felix standing up and unbuttoning his shirt. 

“What, did you think I meant I was just going to talk to you about it? No. This is a practical course. This is training. Take off your clothes.”

Sylvain complied, standing to remove his shirt and pants. 

“Smallclothes too.”

In sync, Felix and Sylvain removed their smallclothes, and stood across from each other fully nude. Sylvain hadn’t had much of a chance to admire Felix’s body lately (he was distracted). He’d developed nicely since coming to the monastery, but retained his lithe form factor. He had less body hair than Dimitri and Sylvain, a neat trail of sparse navy hairs leading down his abs to a more prominent bush. Felix, he remembered, also had a smaller dick than he, but it was still a sight—skinny, like he was, but not too so, long enough to leave an impression, but not a monster. 

“Sylvain, have you ever touched another dick?”

Sylvain shook his head. 

“Here, start with this.”

Felix took Sylvain’s hand and guided to his crotch, and Sylvain grasped Felix’s soft dick from the base. It felt warm and heavy in his hands, a familiar sensation, but very soft. 

Sylvain did a quick emotional check-in. Would doing this with Felix betray this weird thing he has going on? What if Dimitri found out? He decided it was probably fine. He needed the practice. And this might be better than taking care of his own business, or hoisting his problems onto the unsuspecting women of the monastery. 

Sylvain then lifted Felix’s dick a bit, so it was sticking straight out from him. Felix had started to harden, catching up to Sylvain’s now prominent erection. 

“Why don’t you start by jerking me off, Sylvain?”

He didn’t need to be told twice. He starting stroking Felix’s dick, slowly. Felix seemed to be enjoying the view – his hands behind his head, he looked up at the ceiling while making small, pleased noises. 

Sylvain picked up the pace one Felix was fully hard. At this point, he was eye-level with Felix’s dick, and was resisting the urge to stick out his tongue and lap up the bead of precum that began to form at Felix’s head. Instead he just took a closer look. Felix’s dick certainly felt different in his hand than his own, but that was mostly a change in dimensions. 

“Sylvain, I want you to stop and lick you palm for me. You want to get a little lubrication on the head.”

Sylvain was glad for the tip – Felix was circumcised, unlike himself, and he really didn’t know what to do without a foreskin to stimulate that area. He made eye contact with Felix as he wet his hand, and Felix bought this hands down to start teasing at his nipples. He heard a small hiss escape Felix when he brought his slick hand back to circle around Felix’s head, his saliva mixing with the precum that was already there. 

After a few minutes of this, Sylvain brought his face closer to Felix’s pelvis, laying his head against him so that his mouth was inches from Felix’s base. He just wanted to get a better smell. Felix’s scent was not as strong as Dimitri’s, judging from the stolen smallclothes, but there was something there. More subtle, but unmistakably masculine and erotic. Sylvain was dying to lap at Felix’s balls, which were less loose than his own, and hung closer to Felix’s body. Sylvain knew that was the best way to get to that enticing scent, but figured he could save that for later. 

Felix then sat down next to Sylvain, and leaned in close to his face. 

“Have you ever kissed another man, Sylvain?”

He shook his head. Felix leaned in further, pressing his lips against Sylvain’s. Sylvain was a little shocked at first, unsure of how to adjust his expectations from kissing women. As he continued to stroke Felix’s dick, he leaned in to Felix’s advance and opened his mouth, licking into Felix as the two strong men pressed deeper into each other. 

Sylvain felt a hand on his thigh, slowly ghosting up his leg until it wrapped around his cock. Felix instinctively began playing with Sylvain’s foreskin, as if he knew how much Sylvain liked it, and then proceeded to stroke him in earnest. 

Felix broke away from the kiss. “Now, just keep doing that, and we can cum together like this. Is that okay?”

Sylvain nodded. “Am I doing an okay job?”

Felix moaned. “Yes. I had almost forgotten this was your first time playing with another cock.”

And so they went back to their almost-competitive kiss, the two men with their hands in each other’s crotches. They both had gone from quick strokes to more gentle, laborious ones, as if to draw out the experience. 

Sylvain broke away. “When we’re done, can I ask you a favor?”

“Yes, Sylvain, anything you want.”

“Can I lick up your cum?”

Felix nodded. “Only if I can get yours too.”

And with that Sylvain was getting close. Dangerously close. It wasn’t the overwhelming rush he had when he was deep in his fantasies, but as his orgasm crested within him, he realized it was certainly more intense than anything with a woman. 

“Thank you, Felix,” he managed to get out, before his orgasm ripped through him. Felix followed suit, spilling over Sylvain’s hands. 

The two kept their heads together, panting, until Felix pushed Sylvain back onto the bed. Felix lowered his head and proceeded to lick up Sylvain’s abs, sucking the cum out of his hair, licking between the ridges of his muscles for Sylvain’s release. Still with a hand on Sylvain’s softening cock, Felix brought his head down to Sylvain’s crotch and put the head of his cock in his mouth, sucking gently, with his tongue exploring within Sylvain’s foreskin. It was too much for Sylvain to handle after coming like that, but he didn’t mind. He was too floored by his friend’s mouth on his cock, the gentle way Felix licked into his slit. 

Felix lifted his head, and Sylvain knew it was his turn. He went over to Felix’s chest, where his cum had reached up to his pecs. Sylvain licked a stripe across his chest, sampling his reward, and gave and extra flick of his tongue against Felix’s nipple. Sylvain continued licking down, stopping to suck Felix’s cum from his fingers, before taking ahold of Felix again and putting his friend’s soft cock into his mouth. He was a bit more adventurous than Felix, opting to fit as much of his flaccid length into his mouth as he could. He got most of it. Sucking at the salty sweet remnants of Felix’s release, he also caught another whiff of the musky scent coming off of Felix’s balls. Like Felix’s demonstration, Sylvain returned up to focus on the head, sucking out the last of Felix’s orgasm with a flourished lapping around Felix’s head. 

“Excellent work, Sylvain. Train again tomorrow?” 

Sylvain nodded.


	6. Is There Something On My Face?

Sylvain tried to be super-extra quiet when he walked down the hallway from Felix’s room. It was the middle of the night, and he didn’t want anyone to see him out and about like this. It was a short distance—he could make it. 

But the goddess has a cruel sense of humor. As he walked past Dimitri’s room, the door opened, and the young prince stepped out into the hallway. 

Sylvain and Dimitri hadn’t actually spent much time together alone since their talk in the woods. Sylvain was kind of avoiding him. But his conversation with Felix had changed his calculus a bit, injecting a little bit more feverish hope than had been there before, and he wanted to spend more alone time with Dimitri to see if he can slowly start to answer the prince’s call, but now was not the time. 

“Sylvain? What are you doing up?” 

“Oh, you know, couldn’t sleep. I knew Felix was going to be awake, so I just went and hung out with him for a little bit.” 

“Oh! I could have sworn I heard Felix with another one of his knights. Must have been someone else… The walls in this place don’t block out anything, do they?”

Sylvain forced a bit of a nervous laugh. “I wonder who it was? I’ve always suspected that Mercedes might be up to more than we’d expect from her.” 

Dimitri laughed. “Perhaps. Well, I was just getting up to pee. See you…”

Dimitri stopped mid-sentence. His eyes went a little wide, and his smile disappeared. 

“Dima, is everything OK?”

Dimitri looked away, started walking down the hall.

“Yes, Sylvain, I’m fine. See you tomorrow.”

Well that was weird, Sylvain thought. But whatever, he’s a weird guy sometimes. The ferocity Sylvain found so attractive was accompanied by some, well, I guess we can call them night terrors. Sylvain walked over to his room and walked in. 

Sylvain drew his curtains so he could have a little moonlight as he got ready for bed. He walked over to his dresser, where he had a glass of water. As he picked up the glass, he looked at himself in the mirror, and nearly dropped his glass. 

Right off the corner of his mouth, and in his bangs, were big globs of Felix’s cum. 

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. Dimitri saw that. That’s why he got weird. He heard Felix, and now he knows it Sylvain in there with him. Dima could be a little thick, but he could put two and two together. 

Sylvain wiped it off quickly, sighed, and got into bed. He knew he wasn’t going to sleep, but at least he could pretend. 

Wait. 

Sylvain realized that one of two things could be happening right now. The first, perhaps more likely scenario, is that Dimitri caught him hooking up with Felix and just got awkward. The second is that Dimitri caught him hooking up with Felix and was mad. His face, when he saw the evidence of Sylvain’s indiscretions, was not an awkward one. Sylvain knew awkward Dima well. No, it was an angry face. Another side of Dima that Sylvain could also spot from a hundred leagues away.

But why would he be mad? Sylvain found himself blessed by sleep, drifting off with the thought that Dimitri might not have been mad, maybe he was jealous. Maybe he was off to the training yard to scream and throw axes…

\--------------------

The next morning, Sylvain pulled Felix away as they both walked into their classroom. Satisfied they were far enough away from listening ears, Sylvain told Felix about running into Dimitri. Felix laughed like he’d never seen him laugh before. Sylvain punched him in the arm. 

“It’s not funny, Fe. I think he was… angry at me when he saw it.”

“Do you think he might be jealous?”

“Shut up. I can’t think about that. I think he’s mad I broke my sex break. And, I mean, wouldn’t you be mad, if you were him, to find out your two best friends were hooking up with each other behind your back?”

“Maybe… Well this will certainly make for an interesting day of classes.”

Felix waved. Dimitri was walking into the Officer’s Academy yard, and he saw Felix and Sylvain huddled close together talking. He gave them a slight, expressionless, nod. Sylvain could kill Felix. 

“This is madness. I’m going to go insane. Glad you’re having fun with this.”

“I’m not having fun with this, Sylvain, I’m just testing my hypothesis. I think he’s jealous. So, are you going to come over again tonight?”

The furthest thing from Sylvain’s mind. Well, not quite. He did have a lot of fun with Felix. 

“Let’s give it a few days for this to cool down a bit. Is that OK, oh wise and generous Professor Felix?” 

“See, there’s the old joke-y Sylvain. We’ll get you through this. That’s fine, this is a self-study course, after all.” 

The two walked into the classroom, and found Dimitri sitting with Annette and Mercedes as opposed to his usual spot between Sylvain and Felix. 

\--------------------

During his afternoon break, Sylvain went to the bridge to get some time alone. He looked out at the beautiful view, trying to distract himself from various competing anxieties. Dima’s mad. Dima’s jealous. Dima is in love with someone else. Dima wants to fuck him into the training yard. 

He finally found some semblance of silence, and was able to lower his shoulders and unclench his jaw for the first time that day. 

“Um, Sylvain?”

Well that was nice while it lasted. 

“Uh, hi Dima, what’s up?”

Dimitri looked awful. Sylvain hadn’t noticed the bags under his eyes earlier. And he somehow managed to revert back into pale-ness a few shades. 

“I, uh, wanted… needed to ask you something important.”

Sylvain gripped the bridge railing. 

“Sure, Dimitri, anything.”

Dimitri looked out into the distance a second, then quickly down at his feet.

“Are you and Felix… involved?”

Sylvain was shocked by Dimitri’s forwardness. He didn’t think the prince would every directly address what he saw the previous night. 

“Um, well, no, not exactly…”

Sylvain quickly debated how honest he wanted to be in this moment. He opted for more honesty, but not complete, recalling the excitement he felt during his conversation with Felix. Maybe he could push the envelope a bit. After all, he was already busted. How much worse could this get. 

“What do you mean, not exactly?”

“Honestly, Dima, Felix has been helping me out with a kind of big problem. I, uh, I think I’m in love with someone, for real this time not just a sex thing, and… well this person is a he…” 

Dimitri looked up quickly to make eye contact with Sylvain. 

“And, um, Felix has been showing me how to, you know, navigate some of the, um, downstairs bits.” 

“Oh. Why do you need help?”

“I’ve never been with a man before. I don’t think this person feels the same way about me, but just in case he does, I want to be ready.”

Dimitri stood silent for a few seconds, then came closer to Sylvain to lean up against the bannister. 

“I’m sorry if I made you tell me this before you were ready, Sylvain. I was just shocked by what I saw… last night. I’d never thought you were interested in men.”

“Me neither. But something has been brewing for a while, an attraction that I can’t quite control. Of course, it started out a sex thing, but now, I’m not sure. I think it’s much more than that. I can’t stop thinking about them.”

Dimitri nodded. “So, this person, it’s not Felix?”

Sylvain laughed. “No no no. Felix is just being a good friend.”

“I see. Are you going to tell me who it is?” 

Sylvain’s stomach dropped. He’d been taking this conversation too lightly. Now he’s in a trap. 

Dimitri walked it back quickly. “Only if you want to! No pressure. I don’t need to be meddling. I just asked because, well, your description of how you feel for this person sounds a lot like how I feel about my training admirer. You gave me advice, so I thought maybe I could return the favor.” 

“Thank you, Dima. I think I’m OK, though. Felix is a big help.” Sylvain almost didn’t add this next part, but he knew it was the right thing to say.

“Actually, what might help, is just us spending some more time training together? You know. Distraction and all that.”

Dimitri smiled. “Of course, Sylvain. I’m happy to do anything with you.” 

Sylvain smiled back, but was also desperate to end this conversation before it took more unforeseen turns. 

“Okay, Dima, I’m going to go back to my room for a bit, but I’ll see you at the training field later?”

“Sure, Sylvain.” Dimitri made eye contact with him again, holding it for a few seconds. His face had softened since the start of the conversation, and the look he was giving Sylvain was closer to playful than murderous. 

As Sylvain started walking away, Dimitri reached out and grabbed his shoulder, stopping him. 

“You know, Sylvain, I don’t know much about this, or about your situation, or this person you feel this way about. But have you considered the possibility that the man you’re interested in might also not have much experience? Maybe, if he feels the same way about you, he’d want to figure out all those, what did you call them, downstairs bits, together? Maybe he wants you to be his first, well, everything?”


	7. The Lake

So maybe this whole Felix thing wasn’t a good idea after all. Sylvain was happy for the practice, of course, and he couldn’t lie and say that it wasn’t really fun. But Felix made some good points about how Sylvain should be approaching this Dimitri situation, so it’s not like Sylvain regretted going to him or anything. And he also wasn’t quite regretting Dimitri catching him, cum-faced, in the hallway. Maybe it was the push Dima needed. Then again, maybe Sylvain was just seeing things where they weren’t, letting Felix’s encouragement slip into confirmation bias. 

Of course, Sylvain ran right to Felix’s room after Dimitri confronted him in the bridge. He told him all about their conversation. 

“So he clearly wants to be with you, and he’s clearly jealous of me for getting there first. This is an interesting turn.”

Sylvain wished Felix wasn’t being so smug about it. 

“Fe, you didn’t get anywhere, you were just helping me out!”

“Sylvain, you wound me. Was my cock not the first in your mouth?”

He had a point. Whatever. What Dimitri didn’t know wasn’t gonna kill him. 

“Anyways, Fe, I don’t think you should be... teaching me anything else. At least until we’re sure he’s not talking about me.”

“Oh? If he’s not, and he’s just hopelessly pining after Petra, you still want to practice with me?”

That’s not exactly what Sylvain meant, but...

“Well, I imagine there might be other men...” 

“What, our young prince isn’t your one and only?” 

Felix had him there. Sure, he was learning to find the male form attractive, but no one had the same effect on him as Dimitri. 

“No comeback, Sylvain? I’m starting to think this might be a bit more than a schoolboy crush.”

Felix was right. It was more. Possibly, Sylvain had misinterpreted his relative obsession with Dimitri as a sign of an intense sexual attraction. That was there, of course, but Sylvain didn’t want to just eat Dima’s ass after a long training session. He wanted to kiss him on the bridge. He wanted to eat dinner with him every night. He wanted to wake up to that face every morning. He wanted everything from Dimitri. He wanted to give Dimitri anything. 

Sylvain had been thinking a lot about why that might be. It was complicated, because it started out as being predominantly sexual, the sight of Dimitri training worming it’s way into Sylvain’s horny lizard brain. If he did love Dima, why? What was attractive about him, other than his body? 

So Sylvain started listing things out, ever since the bridge encounter. Dimitri eating Flayn’s cooking, showering the hopeless chef in praise. Dimitri fiercely debating the professor, showing an intellect and command of strategy beyond his years of experience. Dimitri teaching the orphans chivalry and swordplay. Dimitri writing letters to his parents, long dead, thinking that no one had noticed. Dimitri holding Mercedes’ hand as she cried at night in the cathedral. Who couldn’t love the guy?

What Sylvain really came to resent, however, was Dimitri’s clear insistence that the other party make the first move. Sylvain thought that if Dimitri caught him looking at him in the training yard, well that counts as having made the first move! But the prince seemed to be of a different mind on this point. As encouraging as Felix’s talk had been, and considering Dimitri’s own recent admissions and slight signaling, Sylvain was nowhere near ready to make such a move. He needed to gather more evidence, be a little surer, dispel any nagging thoughts. He prayed that he would find Dima and Petra entwined together in some secret corner, so he could put this whole thing to bed. Well, okay, maybe he’s not really praying for that. 

\-------------

A week after the bridge talk, Sylvain found himself on another mission with Dimitri and the rest of his class. Dedue was able to join after all, so no more tent-sharing. He didn’t quite mind that part. Less hiding erections when it was just Felix and Ashe. Well, after the last time with Felix, maybe that wasn’t true anymore.

Sylvain went for a walk in the woods after they set up camp. He was reminded of the last walk he went on like this, with Dimitri, when he told Dima how to passively open himself up to his mystery admirer. Dimitri seemed hurt that day. Not cum-face hurt, but bothered. 

Sylvain jumped when he heard a cracking twig behind him. Jumping around into a fighting stance, he found himself face to face with Dimitri. Alone in the woods together again. People are going to start taking. 

“Sorry to frighten you, Sylvain. Mind if I join you?”

“Sure thing, Dima. Looking for more love advice?”

“No no. Just wanted to hang out, explore the area a bit. Figured it might be nice for us to spend some time together. I haven’t really seen much of you since we last talked, on the bridge.”

Sylvain wondered how much Dimitri had been thinking about that afternoon. 

“You know, Dima, I took your advice. I decided not to let Felix... teach me anymore. Your right. First times can be special, with someone you… really care about.”

Dimitri looked away, but Sylvain could swear he saw a corner of Dimitri’s mouth lift. 

They walked for about a half an hour, quietly. Dimitri mentioned something about them getting back on the training field together once they got back to the monastery. Sylvain agreed. Sylvain brought up Ingrid’s own messy love life. They had a few good laughs about that. Once, Dimitri tripped on a low branch, tossing himself into Sylvain’s back. Dimitri stabilized himself by wrapping his arms around Sylvain. He held himself there a moment, maybe a moment too long. 

Eventually they care across a pretty big lake, one they both thought they’d been to before. The lake had a small island in the middle, really just a giant rock jutting out of the water. The pair decided to take a break from their walk and sit by the edge. 

“You know, Sylvain, it’s been ages since I’ve taken a swim. Race ya to the island?”

Before Sylvain could respond, Dimitri stood up and started pulling his shirt over his head. Sylvain gulped. Sun-drenched Dima, just what he needed right now. Sylvain stood and started to get undressed himself. Dimitri was a few steps ahead of him, in his smallclothes by the time Sylvain was getting his shirt off. Sylvain pulled his shirt over his head, and in the moment Sylvain’s view was obstructed by his upturned shirt, Dimitri had removed his smallclothes, and Sylvain was greeted by the sight of Dimitri’s bare backside. So this is how Sylvain dies, drowning in this lake while he tries to simultaneously swim and hide his erection.

“Come on, might as well let it all hang out, no one else is around.” 

Honestly, Sylvain was shocked. This was very out of character for Dimitri. Absolutely nothing about the man screamed “skinny dipping is a thing I’d enjoy.” But he looked the part, standing in the water just deep enough so his muscular ass stuck out right above, the sunshine off the water casting little lights up his back. Well, better to die here than on some horrific battlefield. Couldn’t beat the view. 

Sylvain removed the rest of his clothes and got in behind Dimitri, who started swimming gracefully once Sylvain got all the way in. It took them about fifteen minutes to get to the island, all of which Sylvain spent in a pure panic. This was it. He was going to get to the island, inevitably see Dimitri in all his naked glory, be unable to hide his massive boner, and Dimitri will see right through his pathetic obfuscations. “I have feelings for some unnamed man about the monastery” will become “I’m clearly into you, Your Highness.” The only saving grace was that the water was absolutely freezing, and his bits were getting progressively numb as their swim went on. Great, thought Sylvain. Everyone loves shrinkage. 

Despite Dimitri’s slight head start, Sylvain and Dimitri reached the island at about the same time. Dimitri walked out of the water and went to lay down on the rocky surface. As he did so, he turned around, giving approaching Sylvain a full view of that-which-had-never-been-seen-before, Dimitri’s dick. Sylvain tried not to look. Even with their recent cold immersion, it was massive. Soft, it was a bit thicker than Sylvain, smooth and pink and nestled in a beautiful patch of darker blonde hair, with its head nearly covered with what Sylvain could only describe as a perfect foreskin. His equally sizeable balls were pulled tight against his body. Sylvain thought he could fit them both in his mouth like this. He quickly banished the thought, and looked away quickly. One glace is all he could afford right now.

Dimitri lay down, sunning himself, and gestured to Sylvain to lay down next to him to his left. Sylvain complied, feeling a bit exposed as the prince watched him emerge from the water. He wished that Dimitri was seeing his dick for the first time under more generous circumstances. As he laid down, Dimitri put both his hands behind his head, putting Sylvain at eye-level with his beautiful blonde pits. It’s like he knew what Sylvain’s weaknesses were, the princeling bastard. Dimitri also bent his left knee, obscuring Sylvain’s view of his now-warming crotch. It was probably for the best. Sylvain followed suit, but considering their relative largess, a raised thigh wasn’t going to do much to hide Sylvain’s inevitable erection. Certainly, at least, it’d cast a noticeable shadow. 

The two sat in silence for a few minutes, soaking up the sun. Sylvain tried to relax, knowing Dimitri’s eyes were closed. 

Dimitri sighed. “Thank you for letting me join you today, Sylvain. I really just needed to get away from it all for a little bit. No missions, no Kingdom, no classes, no training, just two friends together out in nature. I don’t know if that was what you had in mind when you went walking, but I’m very grateful for the time away, even if it’s just an afternoon.” 

“Of course, Dima. You know I’m always going to be the guy to goof off with.”

Dimitri laughed. “Well that’s true. You know letting loose is hard for me, under normal circumstances, but when it’s just the two of us, it feels okay to let go of things, to be myself a little bit more, to be a little less of what people want of me. That’s one of the many reasons why you’re so special to me, Sylvain.”

Dimitri put his left arm by his side so he could turn his head to face Sylvain. Sylvain did the same with his right arm, so he could meet the prince’s gaze. As his arm fell to his side, Sylvain felt his pinky finger making contact with Dimitri’s, and his heart skipped a beat. He didn’t move his hand.

“Sylvain, you know you can tell me anything, right?”

Uh oh. 

“What do you mean, Dimitri?”

“Well, present abstention aside, with a notable exception, I’ve always been a little concerned about your, let’s call them romantic escapades? Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t care that you have sex with people or whatever, that’s your prerogative. But I’ve always wondered about your attitude towards it. You don’t seem to really care about the people you sleep with, do you?”

“I do, in my own way. They, um, well they help me.”

“See, that’s exactly my point. Do you think you use sex as a kind of escape? A distraction?”

Gulp.

“Yes.”

“What are you escaping, Sylvain?”

Sylvain turned his head back towards the sky, hoping the prince couldn’t see his eyes welling up a bit. 

“I’m afraid, Dima. I’m afraid that the person I truly love could never love me back. So, I take love out of the equation.” 

Dimitri paused a moment, still looking at Sylvain. 

“You deserve to be loved, Sylvain. But you’ll never know that, never feel what it’s like to love and be loved, if you don’t take that chance.” 

Sylvain sighed, still looking away from Dimitri. 

“What about you, and your secret admirer? Aren’t you afraid to tell them how you feel?”

“I’m getting less and less afraid. Following your advice, I hope that, whatever I’m doing, whatever small gestures I can make, I’m helping them move past their fear too.” 

Sylvain felt Dimitri move his pinky finger up and over Sylvain’s, crossing them.


	8. Sleepless

Sylvain and Dimitri were training together a few days after they returned from the monastery. Sylvain was, honestly, a wreck ever since their conversation on the island. Dimitri’s words got him in the gut. He had no idea he’d been so transparent. Or Dimitri that perceptive. He’d always known that Dimitri cared about him, in a friend sort of way, but this kind of emotional insight suggested something a bit more involved. And, sometimes he would laugh to himself about this, truly verging madness, Sylvain was haunted by Dima’s pinky. Either Dimitri meant nothing by it, or he was committed to torturing the truth out of Sylvain. Which, to be fair, was kind of the advice Sylvain had given him. Sylvain had meant something more benign—flowers, maybe!—instead of skinny dipping and finger stroking.

Sylvain was, however, able to channel a lot of that frustration into training, even if it was with Dimitri. Sylvain was discovering that he had a bit of an animal side to him as well, meeting Dimitri’s ferocity on the field. Maybe Dimitri was working something out of his own. Sylvain found himself striking harder, moving faster, every time he got close to Dimitri’s sweaty frame, smelled his skin, heard his groans of effort.

Dimitri was being unusually quiet. Sylvain was content to let his lance do the talking for him. He didn’t have much to say. Dimitri was okay with that, it seemed. Sylvain was growing more comfortable with the idea that yes, Dimitri had feelings for him, but still, Sylvain knew that they were both still a little too afraid. So for now they had pinky fingers and crossed lances, the foundations of affection and passion. Sylvain decided to let that hang in the air. 

After about an hour of sweaty, shirtless, sexually-tense rage guised as constructive experience, the two decided to call it a night. They had a big day tomorrow, something about going with the professor to some secret tomb beneath the monastery. Both Sylvain and Dimitri opted to change out of their training clothes in their respective rooms before going down to dinner. 

Later, when he was alone in his room, Sylvain returned to his time-honored masturbatory traditions. Exhausted, he laid on his bed naked, his arms above his head, stitching together the fantasy that would deliver him his release. He spent an hour or so edging himself, brought right to the edge of orgasm about half a dozen times thinking about their day’s training, naked Dimitri splayed out on that rock, hearing Dimitri quietly pleasure himself in the tent, the smell of Dimitri’s stolen smallclothes, now ruined by Sylvain’s own cum, the feeling of Dimitri’s pinky finger on top of his own. He was just about to let himself cum, finally, when there was a knock at his door. 

He shot up, scrambling for a second to find some way to hide his now painful erection. He opted for a loose pair of pants and a shirt, with his dick tucked under the waistband, resting against his abs. Not comfortable, but functional. 

Sylvain opened the door to find Dimitri in a similar state of dress. 

“I can’t sleep.” 

“Nervous about tomorrow? It’s just like any other mission, we’ll be fine.”

“No, I have a bad feeling about it. It’s probably nothing, but I saw the light from your candle under your door, and figured you might still be awake.” 

“Um, can I do anything to help?”

Sylvain gestured for Dimitri to come in, so they weren’t having this conversation in the hallway. 

“I don’t know. I just keep tossing and turning, my mind racing. You can always put me at ease, you know.” 

Dimitri went to sit on the bed, where moments ago Sylvain was about to blow a massive load, silently mouthing Dimitri’s name. The bed was probably still damp with his sweat, and he suspected Dimitri could probably smell something. 

Sylvain had an idea. A scary, no good, awful idea, that was definitely going to backfire into absolute ruin. But he barely had time to think about it before he was saying it.

“Dimitri, would it help if you slept in here with me?” 

Dimitri looked up at Sylvain, smiling.

“I was hoping you’d say that. I don’t have as much practice as you do, of course, but sleeping with someone else is always better.”

Dimitri got up and started taking off his shirt. 

“I usually only sleep in my smallclothes. Is that okay?”

Gulp. Well, in for a penny.

“Sure, buddy. That’s fine.”

Sylvain would usually do the same thing, or just sleep nude, but he hadn’t put on smallclothes in his rush to hide the evidence. Another no good, very bad idea came to mind. 

As Dimitri got undressed and climbed into bed, Sylvain walked over to his dresser. He took off his shirt and pants, standing there for a moment, completely naked, for Dimitri to see. He could feel Dimitri’s eyes boring into his back. Who could blame him, Sylvain had an amazing ass. He looked over his shoulder and Dimitri looked away quickly. Sylvain pulled a pair of smallclothes from his drawer, and, before putting them on, turned around fully, putting himself entirely on display. Sylvain hadn’t thought about the copious amounts of precum that had collected under his foreskin in the past hour, but he didn’t care. He hoped Dimitri was looking at his soft, dripping cock. He hoped Dimitri would start wondering what Sylvain was doing before he got there. Sylvain turned quickly enough to see that Dimitri indeed was giving him a once-over, his mouth slightly open. He had no idea what was coming over him, but Sylvain thought that this was perhaps a proportional response to the pinky. 

Sylvain walked back over to the bed and climbed in next to Dimitri. Dimitri, by this point, had turned away from him, facing the wall, and Sylvain got into a similar position, looking at the back of Dimitri’s head. 

“This better?”

Dimitri nodded, silently. Sylvain, for his part, was definitely too amped to sleep. There was the matter of his impending blue balls, added on top of that the thrill of showing his body to Dimitri, mixed together than Dimitri was there, inches away from him, his bare back moving with his breath. Sylvain couldn’t help but think about Dimitri’s cock, in bed with him, somewhere over there. Did his little show get Dimitri hard? Is that why he turned away from him? 

Fuck it, he thought. Dimitri wants this. He was pretty sure of it now. Sylvain wasn’t the only one who was afraid. So Sylvain inched towards his friend, wrapping his arm around Dimitri’s waist. 

Dimitri stirred, seemingly stiffening for a moment. Sylvain almost took back his arm. As if he sensed Sylvain’s attempt to backtrack, Dimitri softened, inching himself closer to Sylvain. 

“How’s this, Dima?”

Dimitri nodded, a little more forcefully. 

“You…you’re so warm, Sylvain. And I’m sorry if this is weird to say, but you, your bed, smells amazing.” 

Weird to say? Sylvain almost laughed. What’s weird anymore, Dima? Your ass is almost pressed against my now-waking, cum-starved dick. Sylvain opened his hand, resting it on Dimitri’s abs, temped to comb his fingers through that patch of blonde hair he found so irresistible. He could just reach down and feel, find out if Dimitri was hard, blow this whole secret apart. But he couldn’t. He’d taken enough steps tonight. Well, maybe.

“You smell good too,” Sylvain whispered, pulling Dimitri in closer. He obliged. 

“If I knew sharing a bed with you would make me feel like this, I would have come in sooner. I was right, Sylvain. Just having you around quiets my mind.”

Bells were ringing in Sylvain’s ears. There was nothing he could do to prevent his dick from hardening. No work of the goddess could quell his rising erection. His heart started pounding. Well, Dimitri did tell him to let go of his fear. He covertly re-adjusted himself, so that his cock was still trapped by the waist of his smallclothes. He couldn’t just stab Dimitri with it. 

“I think I’ll sleep better with you here too, Dima.”

Dimitri sighed, and moved to put his hand on top of the hand Sylvain had splayed across his lower abdomen.

“I know I’ve said it before, Sylvain, but I’ve always needed you in my life. I’ll always need you.”

And with that, Dimitri moved that last half and inch that separated the two. The two drifted to sleep with Sylvain’s aching cock pressed right above Dimitri’s ass. Right before he fell asleep, Sylvain though he felt Dimitri grind into him. Or maybe that was his imagination. Or maybe he was grinding into Dimitri. Looking back, he couldn't believe he was able to sleep like this, pent up and ready to blow, with his hard cock pressed against the ass that had so often occupied his fantasies. There's so much he wanted to do, needed to do, felt that Dimitri wanted and needed. He wondered if Dimitri had ever had someone hold him like this. Though unsure about the grind, he definitely felt Dimitri lace his fingers with Sylvain’s, holding his hand against him.


	9. Fear

So much changed for everyone in the days after Dimitri slept in Sylvain’s bed. Edelgard had revealed herself to be the Flame Emperor. The continent was poised for war. Dimitri’s more animalistic side left the training yard. To the rest of the world, the young prince was out for blood. But every night since the conflict in the holy tomb, Dimitri would come to his door. Sylvain would let him in, and he would hold the prince tightly to his chest as they both sought much-needed sleep. Dimitri was a changed man overnight, but he returned to the man Sylvain knew best in these night hours, when it was just the two of them, laying silent in anticipation of an uncertain future, hands entwined. 

On the day after Dimitri’s first night, Sylvain awoke to an empty bed. He looked out the window to find Dimitri outside, fully dressed, leaning against a column, staring into the middle distance. Sylvain panicked for a moment that his slight advances had been too much for him, that his, well, noticeable desire for the other man had driven him to run from their shared bed at first light. But only for a moment. Dimitri had stayed, after all. Sylvain dressed quickly and head down to meet his class, gathering now for their mission. Little did he know that, by the time he next returned to his room, the world would have changed forever. 

They didn’t talk about it much, if at all. Neither Dimitri or Sylvain had words for what was happening, in the world, between them, in their bed. Sylvain didn’t think they needed words yet. His months of panic, late-night worries, unfulfilled fantasies ceding suddenly to silence, to the sound of Dimitri’s breath, to the few times he could have sworn the prince was crying as he laid beside him. 

If their nights were undefined but peaceful silence, their days raged with the fervor of war. Preparations were being made for the assault on the monastery. Sylvain helped the kights build ballistas and spiked fences. Dimitri went with the professor to strategize. Felix gathered the students for extra training. A few days after Edelgard’s insurrection, a mysterious figure crossed into the monastery, causing the guards to mobilize for a sneak attack. It was Caspar, apparently returning to his secret love, Ashe, foregoing all bonds of citizenship and kin to be with the gray-haired archer. They spent their days making and mending weapons and secreting the children out of the monastery and into the surrounding towns. After Caspar’s return, a number of former Empire students took similar steps. Ferdinand returned and pledged his love to Ingrid, who happily embraced him. Petra and Dorothea pledged their support to Dimitri. Bernadetta, unsurprisingly, had never actually left. Edelgard, apparently, stood alone. 

The day of the expected Imperial incursion drew close at hand. The monastery was ready to go at a moment’s notice. Sylvain was pacing around the monastery, lost in thought. The war. Dimitri. His family back home. In the past few days he’d watched his childhood friends become key players in a conflict that will engulf the continent. From wooden swords in keep grounds to silver swords in battlefields. It was more than enough to put the usually exuberant Sylvain into a quiet reverie. 

More often than not, his thoughts settled on Dimitri. Though the prince once spoke to him of a passionate desire for a mysterious onlooker, it turns out that what Dimitri really wanted, really needed, was a measure of comfort, a degree of security. Sylvain could no longer care any less if he was the person Dimitri spoke of all those months ago, if it were he the prince pined for, if his stolen glances tipped Dimitri off to a larger longing. He and Dimitri had something. Undefined and uncertain, as were the times in which the two men found themselves, but it was enough for the two of them, for now. Sylvain wondered what would happen if the monastery were to fall, if the Empire were to spread out through all of Fódlan. Sylvain promised himself he would protect Dimitri with his last breath. 

He thought, though, about whether he should be taking more active steps with Dimitri, considering the circumstances. Maybe it wasn’t enough for them to have these nights together. As they grew closer to the Empire’s incursion, each night together might be their last. 

Sylvain had found himself in the training yards, now empty, around dusk. He leaned against an arch and tried to picture a scene from a less uncertain time, the yard full of students honing their skills, he and Dimitri locked in a fierce spar, the secret joy Sylvain felt being close to the prince. He still felt that joy when Dimitri would come into his room. Dimitri would never not be absolutely breathtaking to Sylvain. Never less beautiful. Never less arousing. Sylvain still went to sleep each night painfully hard, Dimitri pressed against him, his nose in the prince’s blonde hair. 

“I thought I might find you here.”

Dimitri, of course. 

“I was just out wandering. You know how it is…”

“I was doing the same. I figured we’d cross paths eventually, when the goddess willed it.”

Already, this was the most he and Dimitri had been able to speak in the past weeks. At least with words. Their bodies had communicated plenty, already on the same page, as if waiting for their mouths to catch up. They locked eyes. 

“Do you think we’ll win, Dima?”

“I do. At least, I think we will. I know I have too many things in this world for which I will fight until I no longer can.”

“Such as?”

Dimitri gave a quiet laugh. “Like long walks in the woods.”

Sylvain smiled. “Swimming in the lake on a beautiful day?”

Dimitri nodded. “And quiet nights in the arms of someone I…” 

Sylvain reached out and took the prince’s hand. He opened his mouth to speak, but Dimitri beat him to it. 

“Sylvain, remember when we talked about fear? Both of us, afraid to lose that which we cannot live without?”

Sylvain nodded. 

“Well, I’m still afraid. Very afraid.”

Sylvain wished he hadn’t taken Dimitri’s hand. He was almost angry at the prince, who seemed to be gearing up for another dance around the wyvern in the room, even on the eve of catastrophe. He opened his mouth again to speak, but Dimitri put a finger to his lips. 

“Please, Sylvain. I have to tell you something. We might not have much more time, and I can’t go on like this anymore. I can’t go to sleep with you again, tonight, knowing that there’s so much that I needed to say.”

Sylvain nodded.

“This fear… it occupies my every thought, every waking moment. I’ve never in my life been as terrified as I am right now. I didn’t mean to keep returning to your bed, but without you next to me, I think this fear would have consumed me entirely. Your presence, your embrace, your smell, has been the only thing that’s kept me going. Ever since we left the tomb…”

“I know, Dima. I’m still very much afraid.” 

“But something about this fear has changed. It’s not the same fear I felt when we were at the lake. It’s something bigger… ”

Sylvain looked down, and replied, “Like it’s scarier to do nothing about it and risk losing it anyway, than it was to act on your feelings and face rejection?”

Dimitri brought his hand up to Sylvain’s chin, and lifted his face so that their eyes were locked again. They both had tears in their eyes. Dimitri’s hand was shaking, ever so slightly. He nodded.

“I… I will not lose you, Sylvain. That’s the only thing I have left to fear. That’s the terror you banish with your embrace. I’m not afraid, not anymore, to tell you that…”

“I love you,” Sylvain interrupted, “I’ve always loved you, Dima.”

A single tear rolled down Dimitri’s face. He closed his eyes, and brought Sylvain’s face to his own. As their lips touched for the first time, Sylvain could feel the wetness of Dimitri’s tears on his cheek. Dimitri moved to put both of his hands on Sylvain’s face, pulling him into their kiss, and Sylvain’s rested on Dimitri’s hips, bringing them as close together as possible. 

Sylvain pulled away. “Dima, I can’t tell you how often I’ve dreamed of this moment. All those years of watching you, being around you, laughing with you at dinner, all I’ve ever wanted was to pull you in and kiss you, tell you what you meant to me, have you tell me you loved me.”

Dimitri brushed some of the hair out of Sylvain’s face. “I’m sorry, my love, to keep you waiting. I… I wasn’t ready. We weren’t ready. When I started to notice you watching me on the training field, well, something changed. I was able to imagine a world in which I could be with the one I truly cared about. A spark of hope that needed to be fanned into something greater, for a future in which I could reach out and touch the one who had haunted my dreams for so long. Who drew me in so deeply that I could never escape them. Whose very presence in my life caused such a painful longing I thought I’d lose my sanity. But I brushed it aside, assumed I made it all up. I couldn’t imagine that you, my dear Sylvain, could ever feel the same way about me… There were just so many others…”

Sylvain felt shame hit him like lightning. He’d hurt Dimitri so. 

“Dima, it took all those people just to keep me sane. I never thought… Never let myself think… that you would actually be here, with me, right now. I’d resigned myself to an unloved life, distracted myself with pretty things to keep my heart from turning back in on itself. I would have never… not with anyone… if I had thought you might have been waiting for me.” 

“Let’s call it even, love. After all, I made you wait for me too. All that time. I wish I could go back and tell myself to be more brave.”

“Well, my prince, I think we might have one more night before the world ends. Want to take me upstairs and tell me more about your years of longing? Maybe I can tell you what occupied my fantasies, what those looks I shot your way on the training field really meant…”

Dimitri pulled Sylvain into another kiss before he could finish his sentence. More passionate this time; a fiercer, if possible, hold on the redhead’s body. Dimitri opened his mouth and licked into Sylvain, letting out a feeble whimper. Sylvain accepted the prince’s passion, happily pushed against the arch’s column as they locked themselves into their loving struggle. Sylvain could barely breathe. His hands roamed over the prince’s body, stopping only to hold Dimitri’s face. He’d never been this happy in his entire life.

As Dimitri pulled away to take a breath, the bells began to toll. The Empire had arrived.


	10. Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set after the time skip! I didn't think I was going to do any post-TS writing, but Dima just gets too hot after the skip, and I couldn't help it.

Imperial Year 1185

Sylvain got off his horse and tied it to one of the few remaining fences in what used to be the monastery’s stables. He walked down a familiar alley, which he knew would lead to the reception hall. It was like it was yesterday. Except now it was half rubble. Except now, he was half rubble. 

The reception hall was almost pitch black, quiet as the grave. A few stray beams of moonlight filtered in through the gaps which once help beautiful stained glass and a smattering of holes in the ceiling. Five years. 

Sylvain stood at the top of the stairs, and after a minute of looking around the stair’s upper landing he got lightheaded. Memories rushing back. Running into Ingrid and Ashe here as they head into town. Annette and Mercedes gabbing in the corner by the fountains. The room lit up before Sylvain’s eyes, filled with a fantasy of a time gone by. He could see the professor walking up the stairs to greet him, likely armed with a scolding or some smiling admonishment. He can remember the last time he saw her, running off towards that white dragon, sword glowing in her hands. That was the last thing he saw before being knocked out by some Imperial goon, not competent enough to kill him, but passable enough to ensure the heir to House Gautier could be easily whisked off to Enbarr.

After the battle, Sylvain became a prisoner of war. Held in Hubert’s black cells, Sylvain spent nearly four years held captive to ensure that Gautier territory ceded to the Empire. Hubert would visit him often, delightfully regaling him with the stories of his friends’ deaths. Ingrid and Ferdinand captured and publicly executed in an Enbarr square. Same with Caspar and Ashe. Mercedes and Annette cornered by an advancing Imperial battalion in an outskirt town near Fhirdiad, where they were tending to the war wounded. Felix going down with a flourish, of course, fending off some of Cornelia’s mages as they stormed the capital. Dedue publicly executed. Dimitri.

Dimitri.

Dimitri publicly executed. Hubert spared no detail. The young prince was made to kneel in front of the palace, where one of Cornelia’s generals beheaded him with his own Hero’s Relic. Hubert brought Areadbhar down for Sylvain to see for himself. It was still covered in Dimitri’s dried blood. Hubert hung the dread lance on the wall across from his cell, well out of Sylvain’s reach, as a constant reminder of his loss. His loss. Dimitri said he would never lose him. He spent four years staring at that lance, cursing his foolish years. That Dimitri died knowing that he was loved was little comfort. 

After two years, Sylvain began receiving messages secreted to him in his food. Apparently, there was an active network of Alliance spies operating in Enbarr, who had been made aware of Sylvain’s capture. A prison break was planned. Sylvain waited almost another two years until, one night, a mage dressed all in black came to his cell. The mage melted the bars before his very eyes. Lysithea. She was able to cast some shroud of darkness around them, and she led Sylvain through Hubert’s underground labyrinth. He took Areadbhar with him. He swore, one day, he’d use it to separate Hubert from his head. 

Lysithea was able to get Sylvain out of the capital, not without some losses in their network. Sylvain was almost recaptured, and if it had not been for the young mage’s incredible skill, he would have found himself at the mercy of the Empire once more. From Enbarr he was taken to Derdriu, where Claude and the rest of the Alliance students had gathered. The Alliance saw to his rehabilitation, tended to his wounds and helped bring his body back to life. Most importantly, though, they exorcised certain demons Hubert had planted in his mind. Ingrid and Ferdinand were alive, masquerading as a couple of merchants in Gloucester territory. Mercedes and Annette held off the advancing battalion, winning a decisive victory before being forced to flee into the safety of Fraldarius land. Caspar and Ashe were safe in Goneril territory, where they were working to locate the scattered remnants of the Knights of Seiros.

These were no small joys, of course, but in the end, they did little to patch over Sylvain’s most damaged parts. Dimitri, they told him, was indeed dead. Executed privately, but witnesses claimed to have seen the prince’s head mounted on the palace balustrade. The blood on Areadbhar was believed to be genuine. Alliance spies reported that a similar lie had been spun for Dimitri, that Cornelia taunted him with the Lance of Ruin, covered in what was he was told was Sylvain’s blood. Dedue had apparently met a similar fate, losing his life as the last line of defense before the Imperial forces surrounded Dimitri. Sylvain should have been there. Sothis was proving to be more cruel than Sylvain expected—how could only one be allowed to live?

Despite Claude’s pleas, Sylvain was determined to return to the monastery on the day of their planned reunion. Claude threatened to hold him in Derdriu with an Alliance military guard, but couldn’t bring himself to join the ranks of Sylvain’s jailers. He gave Sylvain a horse and some provisions, and set him on his way.

Sylvain arrived a day early. On the slight chance that his friends were indeed returning, he was glad to have a moment to himself with the hallowed building. He needed some time to grieve, to torture himself with fantasy, to try to accept his new reality. 

He walked the monastery grounds, filling the empty space with bright imagination. Children fishing by the pond. Dedue gardening. Ashe bothering some merchant. Annette practicing new spells with the professor in their classroom. He walked up towards the cathedral, and he could almost hear Mercedes singing. He stopped a while to look at the moon through the massive hole in the cathedral roof. 

He was running out of places to visit, and he’d saved the most painful for last. The place he knew would break him. The place he couldn’t stay away from. He wanted to feel that pain. He needed it to come out of him. 

The door to the training yard was as heavy as he remembered. He pushed in with his shoulder, and the door gave way slowly. Sylvain was already crying. He began to circumambulate the yard, walking the arched pathway, slowing with every step. He was getting close to the spot. 

He could see it. He could see the column Dimitri pushed him into, shaking with lust and nerves, entering his mouth while Sylvain whimpered beneath him. He could hear Dimitri say “I love you.” He could feel Dimitri’s lone tear on his face. 

It all rushed back, breaking through a flimsy barrier Sylvain erected during his captivity. Their walk in the woods. Training days. Swimming to the lake. The confrontation on the bridge. The first night Dimitri came into his bed. Dimitri’s smell. Dimitri’s taste. The years and years of being by Dimitri’s side. Dimitri telling him he couldn’t live without him. It looks like he was right. Dimitri went to his death thinking he had failed, that Sylvain had met his end first. Sylvain fell to the floor sobbing, pausing once to let an anguished scream pierce the night’s silence. His face in his hands, he wept. There was no goddess. No justice. And there will be no peace.

Unsure if still stuck in his fantastical self-harm, Sylvain could have sworn he heard approaching footsteps. Soft, approaching him from the other direction. He looked up and saw a dark figure in the shadows. A massive, hulking thing. He stood up, and walked a few paces to investigate. He thought about calling out, but whoever it was could have clearly seen Sylvain’s breakdown, heard his wailing scream. 

A voice in the darkness. “What are you looking at?”


	11. Ghosts

Dimitri stepped out from the shadows. Sylvain was sure he was a ghost. He’d grown paler, his long blonde hair swaying slightly in the wind. Sylvain began to sob once more, collapsing to the floor against the cursed pillar. 

“You’re… not here… you’re dead…” he managed to choke out. 

Dimitri came and knelt by his side, reaching out to touch Sylvain’s face. 

“No, you’re dead.”

Sylvain almost laughed. A cruel goddess indeed. A reunion of two ghosts. 

Dimitri lifted Sylvain’s chin, so he could look him in the eye.

“Or I’d think so, if I wasn’t so sure I was touching you right now…”

Sylvain could get a better look at Dimitri’s face, now. Hardened, his eye sunken. Eye. Just the left one. He wore a patch over his right. Sylvain could see tears forming in the left. Below Sylvain could make out the rest of Dimitri’s frame. Broader, less lithe, more imposing. Something unfeeling in Sylvain’s inner monologue commented that the Dimitri Sylvain had conjured in his mind was undeniably hot. As if Sylvain was just building on his old fantasies of his feral friend… 

Sylvain also had to acknowledge that he felt Dimitri’s hand on his chin. That was real. Maybe. No, this couldn’t be happening. He tried to get to his feet, inching up the column, ready to run back to his horse and leave the haunted monastery for good.

“No, I’ve finally lost my mind. Long time coming, honestly. This… this place… I shouldn’t have come—”

Sylvain couldn’t finish his sentence. Dimitri’s mouth was on his, locking him into a kiss. If it was a hallucination, Sylvain wasn’t sure if he wanted it to end. Sylvain continued to sob through the kiss, slowly lifting his shaking hands, placing one on Dimitri’s cheek and the other on his armored chest. He was back in that same exact place, being pressed against the same pillar, but nothing could be as it was five years ago. Miracles do not happen.

“Do you believe me now?”

“Honestly, no. Do you believe me?”

“Almost. Sylvain, when I heard you were dead… I… I… I don’t know if I can bring myself to tell you what’s become of me. These past five years, trying to make my way to Edelgard, to Hubert, to meet the people who stole my love from me face-to-face, to get my revenge, to atone for the promise I made you that I couldn’t keep. I… I couldn’t keep you safe, Sylvain. The one thing I wanted in this world was to keep you safe, and for five years I thought I failed.”

Sylvain kissed him again, deeply. He put his hands in Dimitri’s newly-long hair, searching for something he could hold on to, something to banish the fear that his returned love was nothing more than an apparition. Dima smelled the same. If he was a ghost, whoever conjured him did a good job.

“Dima, they, they told me you were dead. Hubert… he brought me Areadbhar, covered in blood, telling me they’d killed you with it. Even in the Alliance, they thought you were dead, that someone saw your head on a spike in Fhirdiad.” 

“Deception, something Cornelia pulled together once I had escaped. Some other poor blonde soul… Wait, Hubert? The Alliance? Sylvain, what happened to you?” 

Sylvain told him about being captured, Hubert’s torments, Lysithea’s daring escape, Derdriu and Claude’s aid. Dimitri held him as he spoke, Sylvain’s tears drying in the fur of his cloak. 

“If I had known, Sylvain, if I had had any inkling you were still alive, I would have found you. I just… When Cornelia told me you were dead, I… I don’t know why I believed her. After I escaped I—”

“Yes, Dima, where have you been? Why does everyone think you’re dead?” 

Dimitri looked at his feet. He slowly sat down, leaning back against the column.

“It might be better that way.” 

Sylvain sat down next to Dimitri, took one of his hands in both of his. 

“Dimitri, it’s not. Thinking you were dead… I don’t think I could bear to go through it again.”

Dimitri sighed. He began to tell Sylvain of his missing five years. Fhirdiad’s capture. Dedue’s death. His imprisonment. Cornelia. Dimitri didn’t know about any of their friends. He had believed Cornelia when she said they’d met their end. Dimitri did not have aid in his escape. On the eve of his execution, the prince found an opportunity to kill one of his guards with his bare hands. He stole the keys to his cell and fled the capital, leaving a trail of bodies in his wake. Ever since, he’d been living in the shadows, furtively striking against a foe that was simply too big, too powerful, to be taken on alone. But Dimitri thought he was alone. He thought everyone he’d cared about in this world had been taken from him. So he killed. He fought. He was crying.

“Sylvain, honestly, I fought with the hope that some lucky Imperial bastard would finally get one good shot at me. That I’d die in a blaze of vengeance. That wouldn’t make up for failing you so, but at least then, I wouldn’t have to go on living without you. In my quest for a measure of salvation, though, I’m afraid I might have lost some of myself. It’s almost funny. Remember, when I used to tell you that being around you always made me feel like I could be myself? Seeing you here, touching you again, has almost let me do just that. Sylvain, I… I’m scared again.”

“What are you scared of, my love?”

Dimitri brought his knees to his chest, and looked the other way. 

“Hearing you call me that… I feel like my heart if going to burst. The last time we were in this spot you changed my life, brought me back from the brink and filled my world with color and sound and touch, and here you are doing it again… Don’t do that to me if you don’t mean it, Sylvain.”

“What do you mean, Dima?”

“I can’t… I can’t lose you again. Remember when we talked about fear? The two different, parallel strains of terror, that we both had. One was a fear of being honest, of rejection, of hopes dashed and the lights of our lives dimming. The other was more terrible, a total and compete loss, a world where either of us went to our graves not knowing, not saying how we truly felt…”

He paused to turn back to Sylvain and slowly raise his hand to Sylvain’s chin. 

“Not touching what we’d been longing to touch, and never having another chance to do so. We overcame the first fear to survive, barely, the second. But they never truly went away. Now that I have you back I’m more scared than ever that this war will separate us again, more permanently this time. And on top of that…”

Sylvain put his hand on Dimitri’s knee. “On top of that, the first fear has returned, right?”

Dimitri nodded. 

“You once loved a different man, Sylvain. I… I’m afraid you won’t like what the shadows have returned to you.”

“Dima, don’t you think I’m afraid too? After I came here, I was going to follow in your footsteps. I was going to take Areadbhar and kill everything I saw wearing Imperial colors. Until I reached Cornelia. Until I reached Hubert. Until I reached Edelgard. I just prayed that I would be able to get enough of them before they got me. The shadows… they were to become my home as well.”

“Sylvain… now that we’ve reunited in the darkness, do you think we’ll ever be able to walk out together in the light? Can we rejoin the world, now that we’re made whole again?”

Sylvain kissed him, lighter than the last, and put his hand in Dimitri’s hair once more. 

“Yes, my love. I think we can. I think separately, we would have died in our vain attempts at justice. Together, well, I think I can feel the sun just under the horizon now. We will have our revenge. But we’ll take it together. We’ll take it with our friends by our side. And nothing, no power in the world, will be able to take you from me again, Dima. I didn’t make the same promise you made five years ago, and I’ve always been ashamed of that. I promise to protect you now. I promise to love you now. I do not care what the shadows have done to you, as long as you don’t care what they’ve done to me, as long as we’re both brave enough to step out into the sun.”

Dimitri kissed him hard, tears wet on his cheek. They couldn’t break away, licking into each other with too much passion and force, Sylvain worried for a second that they were going to hurt themselves. 

Dimitri pulled away, eyeing Sylvain. “You promise? I don’t have to be afraid?”

“No, my love. Now that I’m back together with you, I plan to live without fear.”

Dimitri purred, “It’s late, Sylvain. Maybe we can find our old room, and sleep together as we once did. I’d like to sleep in your arms again, I’d like to have you pressed up against me again…”

Sylvain smiled at him. A real smile. A long time coming. 

“Dima, this is going to sound crazy.”

A smile from Dimitri. Same as ever. 

“I might have been overstating how fearless I am, in this moment. There’s one more thing I’m afraid of.”

“What, my love, and what can I do to banish it?”

“Can we sleep right here, against this column? I’m still a little afraid that, well, if I walk away from here, you’re just going to disappear again. I don’t think you’re a ghost, but if… if I lost you again, I just don’t—”

He started tearing up again. The two were going to have to get used to this. There were more tears in their future, each one settling a shocked part of themselves that never allowed them to imagine a world in which they could be reunited. 

Dimitri kissed Sylvain’s forehead. “Of course, Sylvain. We can stay here forever, if you’d like. We have time now.”

Dimitri enveloped Sylvain in his arms, and draped his cloak over them. They drifted to sleep, smiling for the first time in years, with their hands entwined, but this time it was Dimitri’s nose in Sylvain’s hair.


	12. Found

Sunlight crept over the arched enclosure of the training yard. Sylvain awoke, disoriented. Fantasy or reality? He was afraid to turn his head. What he felt behind him, what he felt in his hands, could be anything. What if it wasn’t Dimitri? What if his nightmare had returned, having found new footing in the daytime? 

Sylvain eventually mustered the courage to open his eyes. He looked down. A hand in his. He shifted slightly, so he could look over his shoulder. He found Dima’s blue eye looking down at him, half-awake, but an intense stare nonetheless. 

“Oh, thank goddess. You’re still here.” 

Dimitri pulled him in closer. “Yes, my love, I’m still here.”

Dimitri leaned down slightly to kiss at Sylvain’s neck, a light peck, but enough to make Sylvain’s heart race. He was horribly uncomfortable, his back aching from sleeping leaning against stone, but he could not care. If he had to stay seated here for the rest of his life to stay with Dimitri, he would. Sylvain closed his eyes tightly, pushing himself back into Dimitri, in his head apologizing up and down for cursing the goddess so. She had made good on his most secret, most fervent prayers, the ones he would barely let his mind form. Wishing Dimitri alive was too painful. But someone, something, had seen into his heart, and had granted his most desperate wish. 

Dimitri continued to kiss at his neck, each one a little more intense, pushing a little harder, punctuated by the occasional lick up to Sylvain’s ear. Sylvain felt hot. Dizzy. 

“Dima… I…”

“I know, love. My mind races, thinking about everything that’s possible now. There’s so much I want to do with you, to say to you, I don’t know where to begin. But right now… right now by body is quite certain what it wants. We were so close, so close, Sylvain, before the war. Our bodies, they just… in your bed… they just fit together, spoke to one another, back then. They spoke to each other before we were even ready to look each other in the eye and confess our love, our bodies were ready. I ached for you then, so hard… your hand just inches away from me… Sylvain, let me know that this is okay, please… I don’t think… I don’t think I’ll be able to stop myself.” 

As he spoke, his hands started roaming over Sylvain’s body. Starting at his shoulders, Dimitri’s hands moved down Sylvain’s side, making small incursions into his chest and abdomen. Strong touches, but frantic. Sylvain smiled. So unlike the Dimitri he once knew, but so similar. Trying his best to keep himself from his desires, to maintain composure. But his years in the shadows had liberated him from himself, in a way. This Dimitri was hungry. Forceful. Strong. This was the Dimitri he would steal glances at in the training yard. Finally, Sylvain could have his fantasies fulfilled. 

Sylvain sprung up, jumping to straddle Dimitri, who was still leaning against that blessed, perfect column. He wasted no time, catching Dimitri’s mouth with his, pushing his hair away, gripping to the sides of his face hard. Dimitri bucked up into Sylvain’s kiss, his hands snaking up Sylvain’s back, under his shirt, pulling Sylvain down to grind harder into his lap. There was no amount of friction that was enough. There could never be enough of the other’s body to satisfy either of them. Sylvain ducked down to kiss at Dimitri’s neck. That smell. Dimitri’s smell, that set him alight, that smell that accompanied Dimitri’s most passionate moments. Sylvain could not believe that all that passion was for him. 

Dimitri’s hands moved to his chest, where he found purchase on Sylvain’s shirt, ripping the fabric right down the middle. Sylvain whimpered, the cold morning air meeting his skin. He could feel Dimitri’s gaze, drinking him in. He pulled back, pausing to remove the rest of the offending garment. Dimitri stared up at him, blissed-out, a slight smile on his otherwise slack and reddened face. 

“Sylvain… you’re… you’re so beautiful. So many times I’ve seen you, but never like this, not outside of my dreams. Where do I…”

Dimitri scooted them both back a bit, leaning against the column still, so he could position his face higher on Sylvain’s chest. He began kissing Sylvain’s hairless pecs, hands creeping up his back, pulling Sylvain’s chest closer to his. Sylvain took one hand and ran it through Dimitri’s hair, and as he pressed himself down into Dimitri’s crotch, he raised his other hand to brush it through his wild red mess. 

Dimitri stopped administering to Sylvain’s muscular chest, moving his face to ghost over Sylvain’s nipple, travelling slowly. Sylvain was confused for a moment, but then he understood. He knew exactly what Dimitri was feeling. Softly, Dimitri licked a broad stripe up Sylvain’s exposed armpit, taking a deep breath of the redhead’s scent in as he worshipped his lover’s body. A wave rippled through Sylvain, and he could feel his smallclothes dampening with each lick, each inhale. He took his other hand and began playing with his other nipple. He’d thought he’d known pleasure before. He knew nothing. 

Dimitri was panting into Sylvain’s pit, struggling to speak. “Sylvain… you taste… so incredible. You smell… I can’t believe how stupid we were before. So much time… I wanted you like this so badly, I wanted to make you feel like this, to have your taste on my lips and flesh under my hands. I would die a little bit whenever you’d walk past me, whenever I’d catch your scent, whenever I felt you looking at me. I would die even more when I saw someone else look at you the way I did, touch you the way I craved to. All I wanted was to worship you, run my mouth all over you, see and smell and taste those parts of you that you kept hidden from everyone else. Why didn’t I just tell you? Why didn’t I just pull you down to the ground when we were training, take you then and there? Taste you and love you and fuck you until we just had nothing left. There’s still so much more of you… Sylvain I can barely stand it, not being able to touch you, taste you, all of you, at once. I’m so… I’m so hard.”

Sylvain could have cum in his pants and he didn’t think he’d even notice. His whole body burned, trembled, as if he was just having one constant orgasm. Dimitri’s words, they stroked up his back, nestled into his neck, fanned a fire Sylvain didn’t think could get any brighter. Five years of torment, so many years before of fantasy, all coming to a head right here, right now, under this archway. He’d marry Dimitri right here. He will marry Dimitri right here. 

When he almost couldn’t stand it anymore, Sylvain grabbed Dimitri’s head and pulled him into another furious kiss. He could smell himself on Dimitri’s lips, their scents mixing into a heady toxin. He couldn’t believe Dimitri was still wearing all of his clothes. Sylvain started to lean back, falling to the floor with Dimitri on top of him, trapped between his legs. 

Dimitri didn’t waste any time ridding himself of his shirt. Another ripped garment. They’d find some thread around here somewhere. Or just forego clothes altogether. Whatever. Sylvain gasped, seeing Dimitri like this for the first time in five years. His chest had grown bigger, filled out into a gorgeous plane of pectorals, dusted in more blonde hair than had been there last time, bulging slightly with each deep breath. He bore more scars than he did before, some gnarled and pale-white, others neat nicks, each a badge of some horrific memory Sylvain wished out of his lovers mind. He promised to try and kiss them all away, replace them with new memories. 

Sylvain realized he was in the wrong position. He wanted to be on top. Though less strong than Dimitri, his passion fueled him enough flip them over and push Dimitri to the ground. This was the first time they had separated their aching, clothed erections since they’d began. Torture. Sylvain quickly climbed between Dimitri’s legs, which Dimitri had crossed behind him, locking Sylvain to his raised ass. Sylvain looked down at Dimitri, chest heaving, red with exertion, sweat forming on his brow. Sylvain placed his hands on Dimitri’s chest, slowly dragging them down to rest on his abs. 

“Tell me if this becomes too much, Dima…”

A ridiculous request. Everything was too much. Sylvain’s entire body became as sensitive as the head of his cock, and he could sense that Dimitri was experiencing something similar. Without breaking eye contact with Dimitri, Sylvain lowered his head to Dimitri’s abs. Something down there smelled amazing, but that was coming later. First, Sylvain had to lick up the center of Dimitri’s abdominals, lapping at the line of blonde hair there, moving slowly up his chest. Dimitri whimpered, covering his face in his hands. 

“Sylvain… it is… it will never be… too much.”

Having reached the top of Dimitri’s abs, Sylvain stared out across the expanse of Dimitri’s pecs. A glorious landscape. Sylvain looked up at Dimitri, his tongue on the crest of his left pectoral. Dimitri groaned, and had to look away. Sylvain continued leftward, his first goal in sight. Dimitri’s nipple.

He brought a finger to his tongue and wet it, taking it down to slowly circle Dimitri’s perfect, pert, pink nipple. Dimitri gasped. Enough teasing. Sylvain brought his mouth down on Dimitri, flicking him with his tongue. Dimitri inhaled sharply, and reached around to grab Sylvain’s waist, grinding Sylvain’s clothed, iron cock into his ass. Dimitri bucked wildly beneath him, seeking any kind of contact, while Sylvain continued to lap at Dimitri’s chest, his other hand combing itself though Dimitri’s blonde chest hair. 

Sylvain lifted himself up to take another look at Dimitri. He wanted to freeze this moment in time. Every time he closed his eyes, he wanted to see this image. Dima on the edge of release. Dima, biting his bottom hip, on the verge of tears, squirming beautifully, begging for Sylvain’s touch, for his mouth, for this hungry eyes. His brow sweaty, his cheeks flushed, his blonde hair wild, blowing in the winds of passion. Dima was right, there was so much more of each other to explore. Sylvain wanted to take his time, to take Dima apart with pleasure and put him back together again. He wanted to banish every bad thought Dimitri ever had, every anguished moment, every moment of paralyzing fear, with his hands, his mouth, his cock. Sylvain thought in that moment that no one had ever loved anyone as much as he loved Dimitri. Looking at him was like looking into the sun. 

Sylvain took Dimitri’s hands in his and entwined their fingers. Slowly, Sylvain raised his arms, moving Dimitri’s hands up, until finally Sylvan had him pinned to the ground by the wrists. From there, he inched toward his prize. Dimitri’s squirms intensified, grinding himself over and over on Sylvain’s cock, now leaking profusely through his pants. Dimitri was in a similar state. More clothes they’d have to replace. 

As if he was in slow motion, Sylvain took his time bringing his mouth to Dimitri’s left armpit. The smell, it was so strong, so erotically masculine, so alive with passion. He stopped to take it all in, remembering all the times he’d had to stop himself before diving in to one of Dimitri’s most enticing areas. The shame he felt, when that impulse found him. The frustrated nights masturbating to the thought of tasting Dimitri’s sweaty pit. With a smile on his lips, Sylvain looked up at Dimitri, and while keeping his gaze, brought his tongue to Dimitri’s dark blonde treasure. 

Dimitri came with a roar, an anguished boom, pressing his ass against Sylvain’s cock harder than ever. Sylvain felt his own orgasm crash into him, unable to keep it at bay any longer, Dima’s cry going straight to his cock in a final act of stimulation. He couldn’t feel anything but the pleasure rocking his body, Dimitri’s armpit hair against his nose, Dimitri’s hands squeezing his own until they were white. Sylvain didn’t stop worshipping Dima, and with each lick, he let out another cry, each more plaintive than the last, until it became a whimper. Sylvain eventually couldn’t take it anymore, collapsing on top of his lover, exhausted beyond all measure, satisfied beyond his wildest dreams. Sylvain rolled off to the side, to press his body against Dimitri, to wrap his arm around his waist and hold him tight, just as they used to do in Sylvain’s room. Dimitri turned to his side and accepted Sylvain’s position, lowering his entwined hand to rest on his abdomen. They were both still heaving, still lost in pleasure. 

After a few minutes of silence, which their brains desperately needed before they could resume functioning, Dimitri rolled over and kissed Sylvain again in one long press of his tongue against the redhead’s. Their combined smell was still on his mouth.

“Cumming in our pants? I thought we were traumatized adults, not repressed teenagers?” Dimitri said with a twinkle. Funny what a little bit of loving will do. Last night Dimitri thought it was better for the world to think him dead. Now, it was like the boy he once knew had come to possess this new man’s body. 

“Dima, I don’t think I could have handled you touching my cock just then. I think it might have killed me.”

Dimitri smiled, and in between slowing pants, said, “We wouldn’t want that, now. Maybe after we work through some of this… intensity… we can… turn our attention towards the rest of each other. But I want to take my time exploring you, Sylvain. Piece by piece, inch by inch. Is that okay?”

Sylvain laughed. “Love, I don’t think it will ever be less intense than that. But yes, piece by piece is fine with me… I wouldn’t have it any other way. But I need you to promise me something.”

“Anything, my love. Anything.”

“When we’re ready, I want you to carry me into the middle of the training yard, rip off all of my clothes, and fuck me through the damn ground.”

Dimitri pressed into Sylvain, their wet, spent cocks making clothed contact once more. Against his chest, Sylvain could hear his heart beating faster.

“Deal. But if you keep talking like that, I’m going to need to start exploring again right now. So much Sylvain to cover, after all.”

Sylvain laughed and pulled Dimitri into another kiss. They laid there for a few more minutes, cum drying in their smallclothes, lazily kissing into each other.

“Sylvain, do you think it’s safe for us to leave the column?” 

Sylvain nodded silently, burying his face in his lover’s chest, embarrassed. 

\-----------

Elsewhere in the monastery, their friends were beginning to return, keeping the promise of their reunion. Felix. Ferdinand and Ingrid. Ashe and Caspar. Mercedes and Annette. Even Petra and Dorothea. The time had come, to step out into the light.


	13. Memory Repair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was my favorite to write — enjoy!

Dimitri didn’t want to go into the cathedral. He and Sylvain had heard voices, recognizable voices, speaking and laughing in joyous tones, coming from the cathedral as they walked the grounds, hand-in-hand. They’d been able to find replacement clothing. They’d been able to, slowly, begrudgingly, leave the column. 

But old fears die hard. Sylvain stood by one of the side-entrances to the cathedral, listening closely for who he could hear. Mercie, definitely. Ingrid, punctuated by Ferdinand’s booming voice. He even thought he heard the professor, but chalked that up to more ghosts. 

“Dima, we have to go in. We have to see our friends.”

Dimitri shifted his weight from side to side, looking down. 

“Come on, love. Everyone is going to be so happy to see you. Well, not as happy as I was, and they might not give you the same welcome I did…”

Dimitri smiled, still looking down. 

“I know you’re right,” he mumbled. “I just have gotten quite used to being on my own. I’ve gotten used to not having to explain myself, my actions, to anyone. Seeing them makes me feel—”

“I know, Dima. Fear number one. But didn’t we promise each other to start living without that fear? Where did fear get us, huh? Nowhere. Fear won’t get you friends. Fear won’t get you love. And most importantly, fear won’t get you revenge. You need friends and love to beat Edelgard. We’re going in.”

Dimitri sighed, nodded. 

“Can you… Sylvain, can you hold my hand?”

Sylvain smiled, nodded, and pulled Dimitri along with him as they walked into the cathedral.

Joyous chatter became a single, loud gasp. Silence, for a beat. Then Ingrid ran over and threw herself in Sylvain’s arms, sobbing. A rare sight. Annette pretty much tackled Dimitri. Felix gave a cool “welcome back.” 

After what felt like hours of shocked questions and pithy, obfuscating explanations, the group settled some. Sylvain had almost forgotten that they also all thought he was dead – Claude did not make a big public fuss about his rescue, mind you. And, if it couldn’t get any weirder, there was a third ghost who walked into the cathedral just before they did – the professor, in all her weird, aloof, seafoam glory. She’d been sleeping for five years. Sylvain didn’t care about explanations, he was just happy to see her. He knew that, with her, their chance of victory rose significantly. 

At a break in conversation, the professor beckoned for them all to gather around her. She laid out her commitment to defeating the empire, and asked for their help. Each one of them pledged themselves to her campaign. The resistance had begun. 

Throughout all of this, Dimitri barely spoke. Barely made eye contact. Just stood there, towering above the crowd. His hand never left Sylvain’s. He gave Sylvain little squeezes, though, Sylvain thought, when he was on the verge of getting overwhelmed, when the urge to run reared its head. But in between squeezes, the towering prince smiled, a slight smile that signaled that his happiness, the joys he’d experienced in the past day, was cracking through the walls of his trauma, his fear.. The professor asked him to say a few words. 

“Um… I just… I’m sorry I wasn’t there for any of you the past five years. I know it has been hard. Something… something had taken a hold of me, something has taken a hold of me. Cornelia, she said you were all dead. I believed her. I lived in a world devoid of hope. But… Sylvain is helping me through it. You all are helping me through it, just by being here today. We will take back this country, our homes, our lives. The wicked will be punished. I just… I just have a few requests.”

Mercie perked up. “Anything for you, Dimitri.”

“I get to kill Edelgard and Cornelia. Sylvain gets Hubert.” 

A pall of silence. The professor put her hand on Dimitri’s shoulder. 

“When we get there, Dimitri, none of us will stop you. You too, Sylvain. I’m… I’m sorry, too, to have left you both, left you all.” 

Dimitri gave a stately nod, which the professor returned, and looked to Sylvain. Another squeeze. Not an expression of a desire to run, anymore. A signal of a returning hope.

And so they set to making plans. Gathering supplies, refitting the monastery, rallying Claude and the Alliance and other allies across the continent. They pooled together what provisions they’d all brought with them and had a sparse but raucous celebratory meal. Dimitri and Sylvain sat together, Felix on Sylvain’s right and Ingrid on Dimitri’s left. No attempt was made to get between the two of them. Everyone saw their hands. Everyone knew what had happened. No one was surprised to see them like this. No one had any intention of getting in the way of the two lovers, raised from the dead, reunited in shadow but walking briskly into the light.

There was, similarly, no conversation about to where the two would retire. Sylvain made up his room from the slim pickings of linen hidden away in the monastery basements. Dimitri helped, dusting off the furniture and hanging up fallen curtains. The two watched the sunset from the window of their shared bedroom, Dimitri behind Sylvain, his arms wrapped around his love. Sylvain kissed Dimitri’s forearm, which held him securely in place against the prince’s frame. 

Dimitri whispered in Sylvain’s ear. “Tonight, can I… I need to show you something.”

Sylvain nodded. They stayed for a moment until the sun slipped below the horizon and their room was flooded with moonlight. 

Dimitri planted a soft kiss against Sylvain’s neck. Sylvain pushed back against him, head over Dimitri’s shoulder, giving the prince further access. More kisses ensued, soft at first, growing into the urgent licks up to Sylvain’s ears that Sylvain had first felt the night before. A shiver or two ran up his spine. They’d reclaimed the day, now it was time for them to get to work reclaiming the night.

Slowly Dimitri’s hands spread across Sylvain’s chest, moving towards the buttons going down his shirt. One by one, Dimitri opened each button, never breaking the attention he was paying to Sylvain’s exposed neck. Soon, his chest laid bare, and Dimitri began undoing the laces of his pants. His hand hovered over Sylvain’s still-clothed cock, nearly touching it, and Dimitri bit softly into Sylvain’s neck.

“Dima, what are you—”

“Shh, love. Don’t worry, I meant it when I said piece by piece. But I want us to get in bed like we used to. I want to show you… make you feel… how I felt back then, what you did to me…” 

Sylvain’s loosened pants fell to the floor. Just his smallclothes remaining, he turned to face Dimitri, pulling him into a slow, drawn-out kiss, as he began to rid Dimitri’s of his clothes. As he moved down each button, Sylvain switched his attention to Dimitri’s neck, kissing him, taking him in, just a little bit at a time. 

Eventually, the two were left standing, facing each other, almost bare. Dimitri took Sylvain’s hand and pulled him to their bed. Lifting the thin sheet so they could both get under. Sylvain got into position to face the wall, expecting Dimitri to turn and assume his regular position, back facing him. Dimitri shook his head slowly. 

“No, love, remember, I want to show you what you did to me… Turn around…”

Sylvain nodded, and did as he was told. His back facing Dimitri, he felt the prince’s strong arm curl around his waist. Sylvain placed his hand atop Dimitri’s, which slowly stroked at Sylvain’s abs, tracing each hard curve. Sylvain tried to push back against Dimitri, but Dimitri held him steady. 

“Soon, love. We’ll get there. But I want to lay here with you, as if this was our first night together. I remember it like this, with me turned away, you holding me, comforting me, but trying to keep a distance. Why did you do that? Was it just to keep me from feeling you? What was going through your mind, Sylvain, before we pressed into each other? Before I could feel your hard cock straining against my ass?” 

Sylvain gulped. So it was going to be like this, huh? This was good. This was great. His smallclothes were getting, well, small. 

“I didn’t… I wasn’t sure… how you’d react… to feeling me like that. I didn’t want to scare you off. But I figured it would be… impossible… for you to not feel it eventually. I was so hard, Dima. With you just… there… your hair soft against my face, your scent everywhere… I couldn’t keep it hidden, but I didn’t want to… to do anything you didn’t want…” 

“Back to that old fear, huh? But before we got in bed, you didn’t mind showing me your cock?”

Sylvain had forgotten that part. He hadn’t been wearing smallclothes, because Dimitri had interrupted him while he was having his nightly edge. He remembers standing in front of Dimitri, fully nude, facing him, while he quickly dressed himself. And he remembers, oh goddess…

“No, you didn’t mind. You wanted me to see you. Just a bit at least. It was maddening. As if the smell of your room wasn’t torture enough. You didn’t think I could tell what you had been doing before I got there? Your room was so stifling, the smell of you thick in the air. The sweat of you working yourself up. Pure Sylvain, radiating off your balls, your cock, your pits, covered in new sweat. I was certain, though, once I saw your cock, beautiful and think, mouthwatering, perfect, softening but still dripping. I saw it glint in the light on your head, gather as your foreskin shifted, a string of it falling to the ground in front of you. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, smelling. Were you thinking of me, before I got there?”

Sylvain nodded, searching for any friction against his ass, his now-weeping, clothed erection. Dimitri denied him both, holding him firmly in place with the arm draped over him, inches from his desperate cock. 

“What were you thinking about?”

“When our… when our hands touched on the island.”

“Really? Just that little touch, enough to drive you so wild? A graze of a pinky, and there you were, cock nearly spilling into your hand, until I came in.”

Sylvain nodded. “Not that I really minded… You being there… better than any fantasy I could have conjured. I touched… I touched more than your pinky that night.”

“Oh, we’ll get to what you did and did not touch. What else were you thinking about?”

“Seeing you naked, for the first time, that day… Dima, your cock, it was so—”

Sylvain stopped short. Dimitri had granted one request. As he spoke, Dimitri slowly pulled Sylvain closer, letting the redhead feel, at long last, Dimitri’s rock-hard cock rest against the cleft of his ass, separated only by two thin layers. He’d never seen him hard, never felt it against him, the way Dimitri had felt his cock when they’d slept. He was massive. Sylvain whined at the contact, squirming back into Dimitri, trying to feel all of the prince’s cock at once. There was just too much. It was pointed straight up, just like Sylvain’s had been, tucked into the waist of his smallclothes, resting in that blonde line of hair that ran up Dimitri’s abs. Sylvain cried out when, at last, he felt Dimitri’s bare cockhead, so soft, so wet, press against the small of his back. It was his first contact with his lover’s cock. Sylvain needed more, needed all of it, needed to wrap his hands around Dimitri, put his mouth on him, lap up his precum, and smell him from the source. Soon. But for the moment, Sylvain couldn’t quite put his wants into words. His pants becoming heaves, Dimitri continued whispering in his ears. 

“Imagine what it must have been like for me, love. Smelling your sex all over your room, seeing your dripping, heavy, cock, knowing, knowing, it was all for me. Then getting into your bed, feeling the dampness of your sweat on the sheets. Can you even comprehend the willpower it took to not take you right there? Not to place my mouth on that softening cock and suck your brains out through it? Can you imagine, now, how deranged it was that I didn’t do that? That I just laid there, pretending not to notice, pretended not to smell you, feel you slowly enveloping around me? Pure insanity. Completely irrational. You wanted me to, right?”

Sylvain nodded.

“Tell me what you wanted me to do, Sylvain.”

“I wanted you… I wanted you to come out of my bed, stand next to me… I wanted you to… to take off your smallclothes and let me see you fully, bare… I wanted you to take my cock in your hand and feel how wet I was for you, how hard I was for you… I wanted you to drag your finger under my foreskin, bring it to your lips, and have your first taste of me…”

“We were idiots, love. Shall I go on? I still have more I need to show you…”

Sylvain nodded. He was barely in control of his body now. Dimitri’s bare cock against his back shot some signal up his spine, immobilizing his brain, turning him into one giant nerve ending. 

“But it wasn’t just me who was paralyzed, was it? You took a big first step, pressing your cock into me, rubbing it against my ass as we slept. You know you came on me once? In your sleep. I woke up, almost ran my finger through it, tasted it, but I was afraid to wake you up. I just sat there, smelling you, feeling your release painted on my back…”

Dimitri was getting worked up. He had begun sliding his dick up and down Sylvain’s back. Sylvain could feel his foreskin moving, exposing more of Dimitri’s head, and then coming back up to cover it in silk, with each thrust. Slowly, Dimitri started pulling Sylvain’s smallclothes down with his free hand. His ass was fully exposed, Dimitri’s cock wedged into his cleft. At some point, Dimitri must have removed his, there’s no way Sylvain would have noticed. He could feel it, Dimitri’s cock, all against him, hot as a brand, leaving trails of precum. Sylvain flexed his ass, trying to get a grip on Dimitri’s cock. Thankfully, he had enough of a bubble to get a bit of a hold. 

“You like feeling me against you? You’re getting all of me, Sylvain. Tonight is just a taste. Soon, I’ll be in your hands, your mouth… oh, my goddess… in your ass. But we have to start at the beginning. We have to… we have to write over those memories… find a way to go back in time and knock some sense into our idiotic skulls. Our first night. And each night after. You also stopped short of something, didn’t you?”

Sylvian nodded furiously. He knew what Dimitri was talking about. 

“Your hand on my abs, stroking me there. You were inches… inches away… from my hard, leaking cock, pressed against my thigh. My body was begging you… begging you to just move your hand an inch, just a little, to make contact, if only just to show you what you were doing to me, how hard you made me. Your hand tortured me with its stillness. You feel it now, don’t you? My hand, right now, gripping you tight. How close am I to your cock, Sylvain? How far would I have to go to feel it in my hand? Am I near your head? Could I just move it slightly, and I’d be touching it, just barely, with my pinky finger? Would you like that? Moving your foreskin around with one finger, adding another, and another, slowly, until I was fisting your cock?”

Sylvain had to bite down on his forefinger. He nodded, furiously. This was all too much. His whole body had gone red, his cock had soaked through his smallclothes, his body had soaked through the sticking sheet and down into the mattress. He was burning up. 

“Take that out Sylvain. I want to hear you moan, scream. I don’t care if the whole monastery hears us. I will not go another night not hearing you whimper below me, hearing you come apart at my touch.” 

Sylvain did as he was told, a yelp escaping from his lips as soon as he removed his finger. Dimitri had dragged his cock down further, and Sylvain felt the slightest bit of precum drip on to his hole. He was sure he was back into fantasy now. This could not be real. No one, in the real world, could feel this much pleasure just from Dimitri’s words, his hand on his abs, his cock at his ass.

“I’m not going to do that tonight, love. There’s time enough for that. But what I am going to do…”

As he spoke, he lifted his hand off of Sylvain’s abs. He used his hand to pull the rest of Sylvain’s smallclothes down. Sylvain’s cock sprang before him, sticking out parallel to the bed. He could smell himself, now, freed from the confines of that ridiculous, horrific, torturous fabric, mixing with the smells coming off Dimitri, slowly reaching Sylvain’s nose.

“I’m going to hold your hand like this, and you’re going to jerk yourself off. I’m going to be so close to your cock, Sylvain, but I won’t touch it. I’ll feel the heat coming off of you, and after I’ll bring my hand to my face to get my first good smell of you, but I won’t touch you. Later. Now, I want to watch you cum, see what you would have looked like if I hadn’t come into your room that night, what you would have looked like if either of us had had any courage or sense about us at all…”

“Dima, are you sure… Please, please touch me… I… I need it… I’m sorry I didn’t touch you back then.”

“This isn’t punishment, love. This is your reward, our reward, for eventually finding our courage. Slowness is a gift, and I plan to take my time with you. Time I never thought we’d have. Time, a gift from the goddess, fair recompense for our suffering. Now, are you going to cum for me?”

Sylvain was panting now, nodding as he reached for his aching cock, Dimitri’s hand still on top of his. He wasn’t going to last long, not at all, not with Dimitri’s hand so close, so very close, nearly there…

Sylvain gripped himself, Dimitri’s hand tightening his own. He began to move his hand, slowly stroking himself, slowly moving his foreskin over and down his head. When he started to go too fast, Dimitri slowed his hand down. 

“Dima, I—” Sylvain choked out, unable to get enough air to say anything.

“You’re so close, love. This is the greatest gift you could give me. I wish you could see how beautiful you are, coming apart, losing yourself to the pleasure. The most beautiful thing in the universe. Sothis’ most prized creation. The whole world exists so that I could be here, watching you on the edge of ecstasy… I love you, Sylvain.”

With that, Dimitri bit down, hard, on Sylvain’s neck. Sylvain came, as if he’d been hit by a cannonball. If it weren’t for the sheet, his cum would have hit the opposite wall. His vision went dark, and he gasped for breath. His whole body shook, threatening to come apart at the seams. He wasn’t sure, but he thought he’d screamed, a booming release that no one could mistake for anything other than the crest of pleasure. 

Dimitri followed him, biting down harder, surely bruising Sylvain’s neck, as he shot stripe after stripe of molten cum up Sylvain’s back. He came so much, so much more than Sylvain usually did, spilling onto Sylvain for what felt like a whole minute, a sustained whimper escaping this mouth, still clenched down on Sylvain’s neck. 

Eventually, when his orgasm subsided, Dimitri whispered in Sylvain’s ear. 

“That’s how our first night should have been. But now, Sylvain, we have the time to do all of our firsts together. To remake those memories. We’re different people than those scared boys who climbed into bed together. We’re not afraid anymore. And we won’t make the same mistakes they made.”

With that, Dimitri pushed Sylvian over, so he was lying flat in the cooling pool of his cum, trapped in their sheets. Dimitri sat up, pulling the sheet down, careful so that it did not touch Sylvain’s back, until just the very top of Sylvain’s cleft was exposed. Dimitri then climbed on top of Sylvain, straddling him, his soft, heavy cock laying on Sylvain’s ass once more. And then, starting right in that very top of Sylvain’s ass, Dimitri began to lick up Sylvain’s back, collecting the cum he’d deposited there. Sylvain got hard again, his cock a sticky mess, but there was no stopping it, no biological way to stave off another erection. Dimitri was eating his own cum off of him. After a few minutes of broad strokes of tongue across his back and gentle lapping into the beginnings of Sylvain’s ass, Dimitri returned to his position next to Sylvain. He turned Sylvain around, and pressed his mouth against him. As they kissed, Sylvain realized that Dimitri hadn’t swallowed any of his release. He was saving it, to share it with his lover. Sylvain was tasting Dimitri’s cum. He could faint. He could die. His head swam with the sharp taste, its subtle sweetness, its undeniably Dimitri-ness. He could smell it between them, as it spread across their faces, loosening the light grip Sylvain managed to keep on reality. As he lapped greedily into his mouth, Sylvain bucked his hips up into Dimitri, bringing their cocks into a moment of first contact. Both heavy, semi-hard, sticky with cum, nestling in together perfectly. Dimitri hissed, leaning more heavily into Sylvain’s kiss. His free hand found itself on Sylvain’s ass, giving it a proper squeeze, as the two tangled their legs together, and Sylvain rested his head against Dimitri’s broad chest.

“Now, my love, what memory shall we fix next? What part of you can I explore? What can I do to make up for my idiotic fear? What can I do, to tell you again, over and over, how much I love you?”


	14. Living With It

At some unnoticed hour, Sylvain and Dimitri must have drifted off to sleep, deep in the glow of their release, soft words still on their lips. As he fell into sleep, Sylvain thought about what Dimitri said, or at least what he said that wouldn’t immediately bring his cock back to life. He’d think about that in the morning. No, now he just thought that Dimitri was, for the most part, right. It’s like their years of fear were slowly slipping from Sylvain’s memory, gradually replaced by the feeling of Dimitri holding them while they slept, each with full knowledge of how the other felt. They had a lot of making up to do, a challenge ahead of them. They might be able to make up for the lost time of youthful ignorance, but Sylvain wondered if they’d ever be able to forget their five years of torment. It had, on occasion, slipped Sylvain’s mind, in those moments when, like Dimitri said, they were transported by some novel cum-magic into the past. That was before everything happened, an idyllic space in their mind in which they could do whatever they wanted. But they couldn’t rewrite their past forever. Sylvain didn’t want to. Eventually, they’d have to push forward, make new memories together, and confront the reality of the pain they both endured before venturing together into a new future. But, in the immediate future, Sylvain was content to fuck the pain away. For a while, at least, it was okay to live remaking the past. They did, after all, have a lot of past to make up for. 

Sylvain also wondered, has been wondering, how long Dimitri had carried his torch. He knew that his feelings for Dimitri go back to adolescence, even if they weren’t articulated beyond the occasional boner. Did all that time count, too? What was Dimitri thinking about, back then? Was his stone-faced rejection to talk about the finer aspects of self-pleasure with he and Felix some kind of defense? Sylvain always assumed that Dimitri’s lack of romantic or sexual inclination derived from his stately demeanor, his commitment to a certain kind of duty. Maybe that wasn’t it. Maybe he had more shame than Sylvain, unable to bring himself to talk about masturbating in front of the person who had occupied his masturbatory fantasies. Questions for later, for a time in which they could be together, speak to one another, without the burning need to indulge their sexual tension. Sylvain wondered, though, if that time would ever come. He had a hard time imagining it. 

Sylvain woke first in the morning, uncomfortably stuck to the sheets in about five different places. As he pulled himself away, Dimitri began to stir. Sylvain looked back at him, stunned again. He’d never get used to this. Dimitri’s hair wild, with one hand behind his head. The sheet, that cursed, awful concealer, had slipped off him slightly, and Dimitri’s chest was entirely exposed, as was one of his legs. In this light, Dimitri’s skin glowed gold, the small shadows cast by the morning sun accentuating the blonde hairs that ran over his legs, up his abs, across his chest, and in his armpits. As if the sheet was mocking him, it seemed committed to keeping the best parts of Dimitri hidden—it went right up and over his crotch, and Sylvain could just begin to make out a forest of blonde pubes. 

“Something catch your eye, love?”

Sylvain forgot Dimitri was waking up. He was preoccupied. He laid back on the bed, propping his head up on this hands. He positioned the sheets so that he was similarly just barely covered. Dimitri’s eye shot to his crotch, seeing his first glimpse of Sylvain’s pubic hair. He’d let it grow out since their academy days. 

“The look of you in the sun. The hair on your legs. The way they guide my eyes up, towards something else… Could say the same for you, Dima. What are you looking at?”

“The dried cum on your treasure trail. I want to lick it off…”

And they were back at it. They couldn’t help it. Fuck everything else in the world, he only cared about being in this bed, with this man. For the first time, though, Dimitri’s comment flagged for Sylvain an interesting development. Dimitri sure had gotten more comfortable talking about sex, huh? Not that Sylvain had much of a baseline to compare it to, mind you. But in all their lovemaking so far (though it had only been about twenty-four hours), Dimitri had been in his ear, whispering his desires, his passion, to Sylvain, stroking him with words right out of his old fantasies. Only in his mind would Dimitri say “cum,” only the Dimitri he built in his head based off his glances at the man Dimitri turned into on the training yard. At least Sylvain was not off-base in his estimation of this side of Dimitri. It’s just that his animal side had, in recent years, more air to breathe, more space to roam, grew surer in its roars of passion. A double-edged sword, of course. Sylvain tried to remember that that ferocious sexuality was fostered by the shadows, by the damns Dimitri had built being torn down by grief. But Sylvain knew it was always there, always hiding under the surface, able to be tamed and channeled into appropriate spaces. Like, namely, fucking Sylvain through the ground on the training yard. Was that just more reenactment? Who cares. That’s a later problem.

“Go ahead, love, but only if you’re committed to staying in this bed with me all day.”

Dimitri purred, coming in close to Sylvain’s ear, “Don’t tempt me, Sylvain. After all, we have work to do. Promise me, next time, I can eat your cum? I hate to see it wasted so.”

Sylvain closed the distance between he and Dimitri, catching his lips and licking up into his mouth. Dimitri’s hand roamed against his side, resting at his waist, the tips of his fingers wrapping every so slightly around the start of Sylvain’s ass. 

“Well, Dima, that’s only fair. I got to taste you, after all. Tell me, did you eat the dried cum off your back, all those years ago, when I came in my sleep, dreaming of you?”

Dimitri nodded, little, fast movements of his head. “Not the same, though, is it? Not fresh from its pulsing, hard, spent source. You came so much that night, Sylvain. Covered me…”

Sylvain put his finger to Dimitri’s lips. “Didn’t you say we had work to do?”

Dimitri sighed, forlorn. “That we do, love. I don’t want to go back down there though. I’ll have to remember… everything. Can’t plan your revenge without thinking about what you’re avenging. Us, in here…”

“I know, my love. We’re in a different world. We can escape here, break free from the world, from our pain, every once and a while, but we also have to make a life for yourselves in the world downstairs. That’s where our future is, isn’t it?”

Dimitri nodded, silently. 

“Sylvain… Do you think about the future much?

“I do, now. You made the future possible again.” 

“And what future do you imagine? What’s possible, now?” 

“Well Dima, I imagine us living together, back in Fhirdiad. I imagine waking up every morning, covered in our dried cum. I imagine watching you ascend the throne, leading a liberated Fódlan. I imagine riding you, your cock deep within me, on your throne, crown in your hair. I imagine falling asleep every night in your arms, less and less afraid of what the next day will bring.”

Dimitri tightened his grip on Sylvain’s side as he dipped between a domestic fantasy and the vision of throne sex. 

“Do you… do you promise we’ll have that, Sylvain?”

Sylvain kissed the prince’s forehead.

“I can’t promise anything, Dimitri, other than that is my heart’s true desire, that I will do anything to make that vision a reality, that I will stand by you until I can no longer stand.”

Dimitri looked up at him, “You’re not doing a good job of banishing fear number two.”

“I can’t, Dima. I want to, but I can’t. We’ll carry that fear with us, long after the war is won. We’ll always be afraid of having less time, of losing each other for good. But that’s also what makes our love so fierce, what makes me want to give you everything I can. That passion is the other side of fear, we can’t have one without the other.” 

“How can you speak with such a level head? What happened to the Sylvain I once knew, shirking responsibilities and giving into his desires? When did you become so wise?”

Sylvain laughed. “It was all a show, Dima. And I can speak of it like this because, like you, I know what it feels to lose everything. When you’ve lost everything, and gained it back, you never stop fearing absence, loss, but you do see what you have with a new light, a luster that never fades. Like right now, I’m looking at you, glowing in the morning sun, as beautiful as ever, and I will never see anything but this when I look at you. My breath will never not be stolen away, my body will never stop craving yours.”

Dimitri smiled, just a bit. “You’re right, love. It’s just... I know that it will always be there, but when you kiss me, hold me, touch me, I sometimes forget. I sometimes think you can just caress it away…”

“I can kiss your pain away, Dima. We can lock our bodies together, and our scars will begin to heal. But the fear is always going to be there. It’s OK, love, as long as you don’t let it consume you, don’t let it stop you from taking what you want…”

“Never, Sylvain. I could never stop myself now. We can be afraid together, if we have to be. Escape up here, into the past, when we need to. Will you… will you really be with me… if I take the throne?”

“Of course, Dima. And I’d stay with you if you wanted to depart this land, and never speak of crowns or Empires again.”

Dimitri rolled over, facing away from Sylvain, leaning back to press his naked frame was pressed against Sylvain's slowly-stirring member. But Sylvain knew he wasn’t looking for some morning exploration. Not entirely, of course. Sylvain knew that what Dimitri really needed was for him to place his arm over Dimitri’s waist and rest his hand against his abs, gently stroking, with his nose in Dimitri’s hair. 

“I love you, Dima. Let’s go win a war.” 

Eventually, they left their bed, internally kicking and screaming. They decided that, in the spirit of their piece-by-piece rule, that they’d look away when the other got up to get dressed. Sylvain was true to his word. As much as he wanted to see Dimitri, he craved the slow torture of their lovemaking. A small part of him just wanted to jump Dimitri and fuck him into next moon, but he had his whole life for that. You only get to know a person’s body once. Before they left, they made a deal; they’d each return with an idea of what they wanted to explore next. Dimitri suggested they meet in the sauna after their day of planning, promising to inconspicuously encourage the others to stay away. Sylvain was afraid, for a moment, that making love to Dimitri in the sauna would literally kill him, but decided that the allure of Dimitri’s slick, sweaty body, was enough for his concerns to dissipate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, y'all! I'm starting to realize that my fic description is sorely lacking. I can't seem to write anything that short! I'm a wordy bitch, y'all can tell. Any advice there would be great!


	15. Greenhouse

After they went downstairs, bravely breaking their bubble in time, they met with everyone in dining hall. Ingrid came to sit with Sylvain and Dimitri, and slowly a crowd accumulated around them. So many people. Sylvain was a little overwhelmed, balanced out by the joy of seeing his friends again, alive, here, laughing with him and hugging him and sipping tea. A flash of normal. Dimitri squeezed his hand below the table. This was a bit much for him. 

Dimitri went upstairs with the professor and another new arrival, Seteth, to begin strategy talks. Sylvain joined up with Felix to start rebuilding the greenhouse, essential for their food production. Sylvain had not been able to spend much time with Felix yet, and was looking forward to reconnecting with his childhood friend. His best friend. Sylvain felt a pang of guilt. Last night it was all Dimitri Dimitri Dimitri. Sylvain didn’t know if he had said more than two words to Felix yesterday. But he was sure the surly man would forgive him. He only looked like he was made of stone. 

Sylvain sidled up to Felix, throwing his arm around his shoulders. 

“Fe, I’m so happy to see you… I’m sorry I didn’t give you much attention yesterday.”

“Please, Sylvain. Your lover came back from the dead. YOU came back from the dead. I know my place in the pecking order.”

Surprisingly understanding. Sylvain smiled. 

“My lover, eh? Yeah, I guess that’s what you’d call him, huh.”

“Well I could have gone with ‘fairy tale prince,” he said, batting his eyes at Sylvain, “but that felt like a bit much. Though I did have to suppress a bit of a gag. Don’t make me say ‘lover’ again, please.” 

Satisfied that he and Felix could jump in where they’d left off, they set about their task. Felix asked him about what happened to him over the five years. He was a bit more honest with Felix than he had been with the rest of the group. He’d neglected to tell them all about Areadbhar. 

“So Claude is a good guy, after all? Didn’t see that coming. I wouldn’t have expected him to help you out, unless there was something in it for him.”

Sylvain hadn’t thought of that. 

“Well, I guess having Gautier territory, so close to the Alliance, free of Empire influence, is a good thing?”

“Perhaps. I’m alittle surprised that he didn’t try and keep you as his palace pet. He did always have a bit of an eye for you…”

How did Felix know everything, absolutely everything, about everyone. But now that he mentioned it, Claude did try his best to keep him in Derdriu. He shook it off.

“What about you, Fe?”

“I stayed with my father, fighting as best we could, when we could, to keep Cornelia’s forces at bay. We’ve celebrated a good measure of success. We don’t have the strength to mount an invasion of former Kingdom territory, not yet at least, but we were able to keep them busy enough, or, er, dead enough, to justify a concerted effort to capture our territory. You know us, we Fraldariuses are slippery bastards. If you can believe it, I think I’m even better with a sword.”

Did Felix just wink at him? 

“Oh, of that I have no doubt, my deadly, serious, killer friend. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help. Hopefully, now, Gautier and Fraldarius troops can join forces, as they always have, as we always have.” 

“Yes. Together we are, at last. I’m sorry, too. If I’d known you were alive, I know you’ve heard this a million times already, but if I knew I’d have tried, well, something.” 

This was too much feelings for Felix. Sylvain thanked him, and they returned to their work, knowing that Felix had reached his conversational limit and needed a bit of silence to charge back up. After an hour or so, he perked back up. 

“Sylvain I… I think we should talk about something… just for a second, just to clear the air.”

Uh oh.

“Sure, Fe. What’s on your mind?”

“I, um, wanted to apologize for, well, what happened between us. When you told me that Dimitri wanted to do everything with you first, or that he intimated as such, I felt bad, like I pressured you into something, that I stole something away from you.”

“Fe, that’s sweet, but don’t worry about it. We, well we haven’t really talked about it, but I gave him the highlights, the explanation. Besides, I think you really helped me accept my feelings for Dimitri. If we hadn’t done that, I don’t know if I would have said anything, had the courage to do anything, before it was too late. And anyways, it’s not like I’m really Dimitri’s first, right? It is all new to us, within our relationship, of course, but we’ve both been with other people.”

Felix squinted his eyes. 

“Sylvain, you’re a moron.”

Uh oh. 

“No… Fe… what are you telling me?”

“I’m telling you you’re treading on virgin territory. Watch your step.” 

\-----------

Why was he so surprised? Sylvain should have seen this coming. If you told him five years ago that Dimitri had never been with anyone else, he might have believed that. But it’s been five years. There was never anyone? Ever? Well, to be fair, it’s not like Sylvain was getting it from every direction during that time either. Even if he wanted it. Which he very much didn’t. Ah. That was it. 

Fundamentally, Sylvain thought, this didn’t change much. If anything, it made Sylvain even more impressed by Dimitri’s bedroom behavior. The purred obscenities, the ghosting touches, it was like he knew exactly what to do, how to do it, when to do it. Well, as if he had thought about it a lot. As if he’d fantasized about it a lot. As if all these years had given him a bit of an education in manipulating sexual tension. Or it just came second nature to the prince. Well, if this was Dimitri right out of the gate, Sylvain had quite a ride in store. His knees trembled a bit, thinking about what Dimitri could do with a little experience. 

If it changed anything, it made Sylvain that much more turned on by Dimitri. He’d thought he’d reached that particular zenith. Looks like there was more to go. He was Dimitri’s first. The first person to see Dimitri cum. The first person to be pressed up against him, feeling his hardness against his ass. The first person to have Dimitri’s precum drip onto him. The first person Dimitri licked, caressed, and coaxed into climax. Probably even the first person, when it happened, to see Dimitri hard, in all his glory. Maybe even the first person Dimitri has ever kissed. Dimitri is all his. Has always been all his. All that other jealousy he’d felt, the imaginary girlfriends he’d conjure in his mind taking Dimitri to bed, poof. Sylvain figured he’d probably end up being the possessive type, push come to shove, but now he was quite certain. He wanted Dimitri all to himself, and, as luck would have it, that’s exactly how he’s always had him. 

But after that, another wave of shame. It was pretty easy to lose sight of his female partners, though Sylvain still didn’t feel great about it. Dimitri was never going to be his first kiss, never be the first and only person to see him in the throes. But that was different. A bracketed-off part of his life. And, after all, each time Sylvain kissed, fucked, and came with Dimitri on his mind, silently on his lips. But then he remembered everything with Felix. On a whim, in a moment of desperation, of ridiculous fear, Sylvain had taken some of the last firsts he had left, which he should have saved for Dimitri, which he knew were important to Dimitri, and given them away. He wanted to cry, but kept his composure in front of Felix, as they continued their chores in silence. It passed after a few minutes. He still had a few firsts left to give. And they will always be, no matter what, each other’s first loves. 

\-----------

Sylvain walked up to the sauna from the greenhouse, knowing Dimitri was already going to be there, waiting for him. After changing into an admittedly skimpy towel (the smallest he could find, anyways), Sylvain opened the door and walked into the sauna. Thankfully, it wasn’t overwhelmingly hot, but it was enough so that Dimitri, sitting across from the entrance, was already covered in a thin sheen. He was wearing just the towel, somehow even smaller than Sylvain’s (how did he do that?), his torso leaning against the step behind him, his arms outstretched. He eyed Sylvain hungrily as he puffed out his chest and slightly spread his legs. 

“How was the greenhouse?”

Again, a natural impossibility, Sylvain’s mouth dried up. He couldn’t possibly have a normal conversation about his day with Dimitri looking like that. 

“Fine. Long day. Felix says hi.” 

Sylvain padded over to where Dimitri sat, coming down next to him. Dimitri’s arm was over his shoulder, and Sylvain had a perfect view of Dimitri’s now-wet armpit hair, clumping together, dripping moisture and sweat. Sylvain would get to lick as much of it up as he wanted. He could spend all night buried in that beautiful scent. He smiled to himself.

“How was Seteth?”

“The man hasn’t changed a bit. He says hi.” 

Sylvain scooted closer to Dimitri, so that his shoulder fit right into the crook of Dimitri’s shoulder. He swing one leg over Dimitri’s, put his finger to his chin, and turned him towards him to lock him into a slow kiss. With one foot, he stroked up and down Dimitri’s calf, feeling his coarse hair, tracing the muscles that traveled up his legs.

“Any new developments?”

“Well the Alliance is divided, but we have some hopeful aid prospects. Your father successfully kicked the Empire out of his back yard. Edelgard, apparently, hasn’t been seem publicly in weeks. Something’s up.” 

Dimitri brought his hand to rest on Sylvain’s thigh. He slowly began to stroke circles into him, over the towel, as his fingers extended, getting closer, closer to…

“You know, love, we can explore later. If you want to just relax a bit and talk, we can do that too…”

Sylvain did want that. But he wanted everything from Dimitri, all at once. He wanted to hear about strategies while Dimitri shot rope after rope of cum down his eager throat. He wanted Dimitri to tell him what he had for lunch while he was buried in him for the fifth time that day. He wanted to tell Dimitri what kind of curtains he wanted in between swipes of his tongue against the prince’s perfect hole. But Dimitri already knew that. He just shook his head.

“We’ve had lots of ordinary, real life, today. We made it through another day without losing ourselves. One more step into the light. We deserve to indulge a bit. Now, love, did you decide what part of me you wanted to explore next? What piece you wanted to take apart? I have some ideas.”


	16. Steam

Dimitri and Sylvain were locked together at the lips, quickly tightening their grips on each other. The towels would soon be useless, tented jokes, crude instruments struggling in vain to scaffold the slow, indulgent gratification of each man slowly shedding their modesty. There was no way that, in this situation, they weren’t going to be able to see all of each other. Sylvain was ready. He wanted Dimitri’s hard cock in front of his face, burned onto his eyes. His lower back felt a phantom tingle at the spot where Dimitri had pressed his bare cockhead into him the night before. 

Dimitri had one hand wrapped around Sylvain’s shoulder, pulling him in, and with his other hand he began to explore Sylvain’s chest. Whereas Dimitri’s chest had developed into a broad, flatter expanse of blonde-dusted pectorals, Sylvain’s pecs were rounder, jutting out more from his slightly-less-wide frame, and lacked Dimitri’s enticing spread of chest hair. Dimitri’s hands slid up his chest, unimpeded, coming to rest at his sternum, his fingers splaying out to press into Sylvain’s hard muscles. 

“This was always one of my favorite parts of you. You’ve always had such a beautiful chest. Now there’s just… more of it.”

Sylvain purred, taking his free hand to his chest to rest on Dimitri’s, guiding Dimitri’s hand towards his nipple. Dimitri began to lazily flick Sylvain with his finger and rub circles around Sylvain’s sensitive spot, aided by the growing slickness of his skin.

The hand Sylvain left at Dimitri’s thigh slid down, just far enough for Sylvain to be able to find purchase on Dimitri’s bare leg, and begin to creep up below the towel. Dimitri took the hand that was on Sylvain’s chest and brought it to halt Sylvain’s journey up towards Dimitri’s crotch. 

“What do you want to do, Sylvain? You have to tell me…”

“I want to feel your cock, Dima. I want to hold it in my hand, feel it get hard, caress that silky skin, play with your foreskin. Just talking about it, knowing its so close to my hand, that this time I can do it right and reach out to you…”

Dimitri took a strained, staggered inhale. His halting hand shook. He squirmed a bit.

“Too fast, love. Too many pieces at once. How about, tonight, we look… but don’t touch?”

A less mature, less patient, part of Sylvain was silently screaming. This was the exquisite pain of taking it slow, the soft cuts and stitches of being taken apart and put back together again. Dimitri’s commitment to this path signaled an experience Sylvain knew he didn’t have. How did Dimitri know, instinctually, how to make the ecstatic consumption of each other’s bodies last so long, feel so intense with the smallest motions, lightest touches, softest, filthiest words? How did he know it would feel like this? As torturous as it was, it was immensely erotic. Maybe, this was Dimitri telling him he understood what Sylvain meant about time, about the luster of lost things returned. Perhaps a frantic, unguided, unstoppable lovemaking in which they took in all of each other at once was more appropriate for a situation in which you more afraid of losing something the very next day. Dimitri’s slowness, his piece-by-piece sexuality, had in it, running below the surface, a statement about time. A kind of promise. Dimitri believed they had plenty of time to take each other apart. Though he was committed to rewriting their old memories, Dimitri was also stretching their passioned exploration well into a new future, a shared future, birthed in the throes of two lovers taking their time with each other, appreciating and worshipping every aspect of each other, basking indulgently in that polished luster. Sylvain nodded furiously, understanding, appreciating, loving more of Dimitri’s mind as he caressed that upper thigh, another part of Dimitri he’d yet to explore.

Dimitri locked eyes with him, and he lifted his hand off Sylvain’s. He took the hand gliding across Sylvain’s chest and raised it to cup Sylvain’s face, pulling him in slightly closer, so he could whisper in Sylvain’s ear. 

“Sylvain… love, take off my towel.”

Sylvain whimpered, a pained look shooting across his face as he looked deep into Dimitri. His mouth was slack, his tongue sticking out ever so slightly, eyes wide. He removed his hand from under Dimitri’s towel, and as he traveled up to where it was tucked securely into itself, he ghosted his hand, millimeters, away from Dimitri’s hardness. The damp towel clung to Dimitri’s cock, betraying every detail, the crest of his head, the lip of his foreskin. This was the first time Sylvain really got a sense of Dimitri’s size. It was perfect, but almost intimidating in stature. It wasn’t something monstrous, or something Sylvain thought he couldn’t handle, but for the first time he did realize that getting that in his ass was going to be a bit of a challenge. It’s OK. They’d take it slow. His hands, first. Then his mouth. Then, he’d set Dimitri to the task of loosening him up. Sylvain’s dick pulsed against his own thin towel, the fabric now feeling heavy as chain mail, rough as sandpaper, against his erection.

Sylvain crooked his fingers under the towel, at Dimitri’s waist, not missing the opportunity to take in the softness of Dimitri’s skin there, another spot he hadn’t touched before. If he had extended his fingers, just a little bit, he could touch Dimitri’s pubes. He unhooked the tucked edge of the towel, and slowly drew it back across Dimitri’s lap. First, he saw this pale patch of white skin, the brief interlude between Dimitri’s hip and the beginnings of his crotch. A little more, and he could see Dimitri’s pubes, which laid there, wet, just like Dimitri’s armpit hair. They were the same color, a dark blonde verging on light brown. He could see the root of Dimitri’s cock beginning to jut out, the base of it pale and smooth, somehow looking thicker than it had underneath the towel. Sylvain thought that he could probably just barely wrap his whole hand around the base of Dimitri’s cock, thinking about how he was able to grip his own thickness for reference. He continued his revealing journey, exposing more and more. 

Dimitri’s cock went on forever, inches and inches of hard, thick, silky flesh. Sylvain was shocked by how smooth it was. Not that Sylvain was packing some veiny monster, mind you, but he was surprised, nonetheless. Dimitri’s frame was all hard muscle, not quite lithe, but certainly lean, so he wasn’t expecting his cock to look so deliciously, well, fat. He imagined how it would feel in his hands. Soft. Hard. Sweaty. Sticky with cum. How it would taste in his mouth, how soon, so soon, if he was patient, he would be able to lick up and down his shaft, have it pressed against his face while he sucked on Dimitri’s balls. How Sylvain would feel stretched around him.

Sylvain almost didn’t get a good look at Dimitri’s head, because as soon as it cleared the towel his cock sprang up and slapped, hard, against his abs, swinging back up to stick straight out from his crotch. That sound. Sylvain’s eyes crossed for a second, but when he could see straight, he saw Dimitri’s head, just a little thicker than his shaft, spongy and pink, covered three-quarters of the way up by his luscious, velvet, thick foreskin. By all accounts, a perfect dick. All his. How on Sothis’ green earth was he supposed to do anything with his life, when that thing was always going to be around? He was supposed to what, work? Leave the house? Talk to people? No. No no no. Sylvain wanted that in his mouth first thing in the morning, in his ass the last thing in the evening, and everywhere else on his body in the hours between. Everyone else could deal with it. 

Dimitri could tell Sylvain was a little stuck. His jaw was on the sauna floor, his eyes slowly tracking the head of Dimitri’s cock as it swayed slightly. 

“Tell me, love, was this everything you hoped it would be? Seeing my hard cock, in the flesh, for the first time? All this is for you, Sylvain. You made me like this. Your skin against mine, your hand on my thigh, your smell thick in the air. I’ve wanted you to see me like this for so long… I’ve been hard around you so many times, painfully, impossibly hard. But now it’s all yours. What are you thinking, right now?”

Sylvain looked up at him, face unchanging. He leaned back against the ledge and placed his hands back on Dimitri’s waist, moving it up just so that the tip of his middle finger could reach the start of Dimitri’s pubes. 

“I’m thinking, Dima, that your perfect, huge cock is going to ruin my life.”

Dimitri laughed softly.

“Tell me more. How does it make you feel, seeing me like this?”

“Like I don’t want to see anything else ever again. I just… my heart stops, thinking about climbing into your lap, pushing you against the wall, and sliding down that cock, and riding you all night. Thinking about crawling in between your legs and licking you base to head, my tongue under your foreskin. I want… I just want to touch you, taste you. Please, Dima, can we come back here, when we’re ready, and you can fuck me all night long?”

Dimitri nodded, moving his hand to grip his shaft, pulling down just enough for his foreskin to slip below the crown. Sylvain was so distracted he almost overlooked a second treasure—Dimitri’s balls. In the heat of the sauna, they hung low, loose, two heavy eggs clinging to Dimitri’s thighs, covered in that same beautiful hair. Sylvain made a note to devote some special time to them, later, when their exploration permitted it. He wanted them in his mouth, as much of Dimitri as he could fit, with his nose buried right in the source of Dimitri’s strongest scent, stronger than his pits, more overpowering and intoxicating. Dimitri could notice Sylvain’s new fixation, and he reached down and gently danced his fingers across his balls, eventually getting under them, finding enough purchase to wrap his hands around them and give them a gentle tug while he slowly stroked his cock.

“I’m going to take your towel off now, Sylvain, and then we’re going to touch ourselves, okay?”

Sylvain nodded. 

Dimitri proceeded to enact a similar unveiling. Slow, inch by inch, he pulled back Sylvain’s towel, gasping at the sight of his shock of red pubes, looking up at Sylvain to lick his lips as he gingerly pulled back Sylvain’s towel, revealing his shaft. Of course, Sylvain was not bothered by their size difference in this department. Sylvain thought his dick was absolutely on the reasonable side of huge. Dimitri’s was unreasonable, though seeing him all at once like, it looked perfectly proportional to his frame, as imposing as Dimitri’s almost-comically broad shoulders, as full as Dimitri’s pecs. 

Dimitri stopped moving the towel. He was a madman. A professional torturer. Sylvain would spill his deepest secrets if it just meant Dimitri would free him, look at him, the way he was looking at Dimitri. 

“Are you ready, Sylvain?”

Nods. “Dima, please, just take it off. I need you to see me.”

And Dimitri complied, freeing Sylvain at last. He didn’t spring up with the same slap as Dimitri, but his cock bounced heavily in the air, a bead of precum already forming at his head. Sylvain began to rock his hips, trying to find some friction in the hot air around him. 

Dimitri wrapped his arm over Sylvain’s shoulder again, still slowly stroking himself with his other hand. Sylvain couldn’t just sit there. He pushed Dimitri’s arm up, bending his hand behind his head, and started licking at Dimitri’s pit. Dimitri let out a slow, deep groan. 

In between desperate licks, Sylvain let out, “Dima, tell me what you’re thinking? Tell me… tell me what you see…”

“I’m thinking… thinking about climbing into your lap, pushing you against the wall, and sliding down that cock, and riding you all night… thinking about… crawling in between your legs and licking you base to head, my tongue under your foreskin. I want… I just want to touch you, taste you. Please, Sylvain, can we come back here, when we’re ready, and you can fuck me all night long?”

Sylvain managed to get out a small laugh, glad to hear they were on the same page. It was going to be a struggle, when they got there, to decide who was going to be fucking who, they both seemed to want to plow and be plowed at the same time. A good problem to have. 

“Sylvain, put your hand on your cock. Let me see you stroke yourself. Your cock is so beautiful, love, exactly as I pictured it, exactly as I imagined it when it was pressed up against me, wishing that you would just… you would just shove it in me… fill me up with it…”

Sylvain nodded fiercely, his face still in Dimitri’s pit, his eyes still glued to the head of Dimitri’s cock, watching the prince’s foreskin roll over and down. Dimitri was also starting to leak a bit by now, but not as much as Sylvain. Sylvain squeezed one arm behind Dimitri’s lower back, wrapping it around so that he could pull his waist closer to his, pull Dimitri’s dick closer to his eyes. He brought his other hand to his head, dipping his fingers into his foreskin to spread his precum around, teasing more out in the process. Dimitri took in a sharp breath. 

“Sylvain… can I… can I taste you? Just a bit… please?”

Here he was, begging to break his own rules. Who was Sylvain to deny the prince such a small favor? He brought his fingers, covered in his precum, to Dimitri’s lips, and Dimitri sucked them into his mouth, rolling his tongue all around them, tasting as much of Sylvain as he could.

Pulling away from Dimitri’s pit so he could look at the blissed-out prince sucking on his fingers, he whispered, “Soon, Dima, you can taste it from the source. Do you want that, love? Do you want my cock in your mouth, getting it from soft to hard? Not that I’ll ever really be that soft around you. I’ve been semi-hard since the second I laid eyes on you again. I’d start leaking for you immediately, though. You could lap at my head all night, slowly bringing me to climax with just that little bit of tongue. Maybe you’d slip it under my foreskin, dance around my head? That would make me just explode for you. Do you want that? Do you want me to cum buckets in your greedy mouth?”

Dimitri couldn’t form words, he just nodded, mouth agape, as he began to stroke his cock faster. 

“Promise you’d do the same for me? It was horrible, Dima, to get a taste of you last night, to feel your cum in my mouth, smell it all around me, but not be able to take it straight from your cock. I want you to shoot a load in me, anywhere in me, every day, for the rest of our lives. As many as you want. Waking up today with the taste of you still on my lips, it’s… it’s addicting, Dima.” 

“Sylvain, please, you’ll make me cum too quickly. You’ve barely… you’ve barely touched yourself. I want… I want us to finish together.”

Sylvain gave Dimitri a sly smile. He’d never been much of a dirty talker, but he was learning from a prodigy. He loved being able to do that to Dimitri. Granting his request, Sylvain wrapped his hand around himself and began jacking off in earnest. He lifted his head and caught Dimitri in a slow kiss, each man whimpering into the other while their pleasure mounted. 

Dimitri broke off their kiss so that they hovered there together, foreheads pressing into one another, gaze fixed on the other’s motions. Sylvain noticed that Dimitri had straightened his legs, extending and flexing the muscles of this thighs and calves, so that his toes were almost curling. Dimitri’s soft moans began to intensify, growing louder, deeper, less whimpering, the beginnings of a furious roar. 

Though Dimitri was clearly further ahead than Sylvain, he was catching up. While Dimitri’s motions were faster, almost frantic, accompanied by his deep, heaving moans, Sylvain was slowly teasing himself still, building to a slow crescendo, almost too fixated on watching the blonde’s pleasure unfold at the expense of his own. Well, not quite. Given enough time, Sylvain thought he could cum just from looking at Dimitri like this, hearing his moans, smelling him around him, watching his big hand work his cock. 

“Slow down a bit, love. You’re going to beat me to the finish. I want to see you tease yourself, Dima. Play with your foreskin, your balls…”

Dimitri did as he was hold, halting, painfully, his quickening strokes to wrap his hand fully around his head, rubbing it in small circles, then used his thumb and forefinger to slide his foreskin around on his head. 

“Dima, give me a taste…”

Dimitri ran his forefinger around the inside of his foreskin, collecting what he could, and raised it to Sylvain’s lips. As the sweet liquid touched his tongue, as Dimitri’s thick finger entered his mouth, he began to speed up his strokes, unable to erect the modicum of self-restraint it took to tease himself any longer. 

“That’s it, Sylvain. Suck on my finger. Your tongue feels so good against it, so strong, but still soft. I can’t believe… I can’t believe that’s going to be on my dick soon… against my hole soon… Sylvain, are you ready?”

With Dimitri’s finger still in his mouth, he nodded furiously, the prince’s words bringing him right to the edge. Dimitri was slowly heaving, now, each breath carrying a deeper, more urgent moan. He and Sylvain both were raising their hips in time with their hand’s ministrations, each of them fucking up into the air, imaging what it would be like, soon, to be buried deep in the other. 

“Keep your eyes open, love, I want you to… I want you to see me cum… it’s all… its all for you”

After a quick inhale, both men let out a long, deep cry, almost a roar, as they reached their orgasms together. Dimitri’s face, still pressed hard into Sylvain’s, was hit first, as the prince shot fast, thick ropes all over himself, reaching his face, his chest, his abs, slowing to a trickle down his knuckles after half a dozen spurts. Sylvain came with a looser spray, hitting them both in the face with small droplets, shooting like a fountain about ten times, absolutely drenching his chest and abs in cum. With Sylvain’s first shot, when a single drop landed on his cheek, Dimitri immediately stuck out his tongue to lick a stripe across Sylvain’s face, taking his first taste of Sylvain’s cum. Sylvain followed suit, breaking away to lick at the entire rope that spanned Dimitri’s chin to forehead. It was so warm, still, filling his mouth and nose with the taste and smell of Dimitri’s pleasure. 

They stayed there another few moments, panting and groaning into each other, still lazily moving their hands up and down their spent cocks. Dimitri pinched his foreskin together, gathering the last bit of cum there. 

“Sylvain… can I… can I clean you off?”

Sylvain barely had time to nod a response before Dimitri was running his tongue across Sylvain’s chest. Sylvain had cum so much, it wasn’t a matter of moving up his chest, going rope after rope. Dimitri was going to have to lick across Sylvain’s entire torso, even up his neck a bit. If they were a bit further along, Dimitri would have to take Sylvain’s head in his mouth, run his tongue under his foreskin, lick at his slit, before swallowing Sylvain’s entire cock. He’d have to go lower still, gathering up the bits that fell into his pubes, that dripped down his balls. Sylvain laid there, basking in his afterglow, as his lover began his long journey across his body. But Dimitri wasn’t going to have all the fun, of course. After a minute or two of light lapping, Sylvain pushed Dimitri back, went to straddle him, so that their flagging cocks hung touching each other between their legs, and started to lick up Dimitri’s chest, making sure to gather some of Dimitri’s release in his mouth before he swirled lazily around one of Dimitri’s nipples. Sylvain moved down lower, claiming better access to Dimitri’s abs, where a few strands of cum hung suspended in his treasure trail. To do so, though, Sylvain had to get up slightly, positioning himself in between Dimitri’s legs, eventually kneeling on the floor in front of him, Dimitri’s softening, still dripping cock inches from his face. He took in a deep inhale, savoring every bit of sense information he could get, and then breathed a hot, heavy exhale across Dimitri’s crotch. He looked up at Dimitri from there, and the prince displayed a pained reaction, a clear and present longing, silently begging Sylvain to stick out his tongue and take him into his mouth. 

Sylvain was not about to rush them. Instead, he put his hands on Dimitri’s waist, holding him down. Dimitri had started moving his hips again, humping the air in search of Sylvain’s mouth, but Sylvain wanted him steady. Trapped. He leaned in to lick at Dimitri’s abs, and, in doing so, brought the cleft of his pecs to rest upon Dimitri’s cock. Dimitri let out a soft, angry moan, trying to buck up into Sylvain, to feel his cock rub against his chest. Sylvain took his time, holding him there, slowly sucking the cum from Dimitri’s hair, licking across each one of Dimitri’s prominent abdominal muscles. When he was done, he got back up to sit in Dimitri’s lap, their cocks pressed together once more. Sylvain pulled him into a slow kiss, their cum mixing in their mouth, spreading across their faces, as they took a moment to bask in their slow, tortured release. 

“That was beautiful, Dima, so beautiful. We should go get some rest, though. I want to hold you again tonight, naked together in our bed, while you drift off to sleep, dreaming about my mouth on your cock.”


	17. Talk to Me

Sylvain woke up the next morning in bed, alone. Dimitri had an early meeting with Seteth and the professor, so he was expecting it, but it hurt a touch nonetheless. They’d spent so little time apart in the past few days. Solitary state notwithstanding, Sylvain was supremely satisfied, looking back on the night’s adventures. After they returned from the sauna, they stripped, promising each other that they’d never again wear clothes while in their shared room, and got into bed. They assumed their normal position, Sylvain’s erection pressed into Dimitri’s ass, his hands on Dimitri’s abs. He knew, now, that Dimitri’s hard cock laid there, waiting for him, but he refused to reach out and touch it. For different reasons, of course, than his old refusals. Still, he decided it was probably okay, perhaps even deliciously teasing, for him to lazily comb his hands through Dimitri’s pubes. Dimitri went to sleep whispering sweetly to Sylvain, telling him over and over how much he loved him, that being together in their bed for the second night almost made him forget those intervening years, their love’s painful interlude. Sylvain thought it was kind of funny, how back then he was so attracted to Dimitri’s dark, animalistic side. Now, of course, he got to have that side of him, got to be up close and personal to pit-licking, cum-roaring Dimitri, punctuated by these sweet moments when the soft, thoughtful boy he once was peeked out from below his hard surface. He loved both parts of Dimitri, and thanked Sothis he was so fortunate to get all of him, to be able to be laying there, loving Dimitri’s whole self. 

Sylvain slowly got out of bed, throwing on clothes lazily as he paced their room. Before he walked out the door, he ran back to their bed and pushed his face into Dimitri’s pillow. A little smell of him, for the road. 

Sylvain met Felix for breakfast in the dining hall, sitting with him as Felix thought aloud about strategy, training regimens, and weapons. Felix was itching for chore-time to be over. 

Breaking his monologue, Sylvain reached over and put his hand on Felix’s forearm. “Fe, talk to me about something else. I’ve missed so much, tell me something interesting you did while I was away.” 

Felix donned a crooked smile, squinting at Sylvain. “Sylvain, are you trying to get me to kiss and tell?”

Sylvain laughed, removing his hand from Felix’s arm. 

“Yes, Fe, please tell me about your love life. Spare no details. Pretend you’re talking about swords.” 

“Who said I wasn’t going to be talking about swords.” 

The two burst out laughing. At that moment, Sylvain saw Dimitri walk into the dining hall, and gave him a big, goofy wave. Felix opted for a slight nod in his direction. Dimitri returned a tiny wave, a slight smile on his face, as he quickly grabbed something to eat and brought it back to Seteth’s office. Sylvain thought it was kind of weird, but chalked it up to Dimitri’s stress. It can’t be fun all the time, planning revenge. 

Sylvain and Felix went off to the greenhouse, continuing their work fixing up the place. All the while, Felix was, shockingly animatedly, telling Sylvain about a relationship he’d fallen into right after he returned to his father’s keep. 

“Yes, Sylvain, both. A man and a woman. They were travelers, making their way from Dadga to Almyra, when the war broke out. Apparently, they both offered themselves to my father’s service, and he charged them with sword training.”

“Sword training?”

“It’s a funny story. They were circus performers, they did something with throwing knives and balancing on swords. They were quite skilled with a blade, actually. Quick and lithe. And… um… bendy.” 

Sylvain smiled. “And they, what, took you in?” 

Felix nodded. “I was impressed by their skills, they were impressed by mine, it didn’t take too long for training to turn into… you know… training. They, um, liked me in between them.”

Sylvain went over and gave Felix a big slap on the back. “That sounds amazing, Fe. They made you happy?”

Felix smiled. “You know me, happy isn’t on my spectrum. But they made me laugh. Challenged me when I needed it. And I was very satisfied. They’re staying on with my father for the duration, maybe they’ll even come down for a visit and you can meet them.” 

They continued their work for an hour or two more, eventually getting horrifically bored. They were pretty much done with their work, the greenhouse not needing that much tending other than fixing a spot in the roof and putting up new beds. Sylvain said he was going to take a break and go for a walk. 

This was the first time that Sylvain had really had the chance to walk the ground since his return. Really, the first time he’d be able to be alone with his thoughts since his return. He found his thoughts delightfully quiet. Not much to worry about, these days. War rages on, and he knew one day soon he’d have to confront that, but for now, his brain was flooded with the constant, warm, enveloping feeling he got from looking at Dimitri yesterday morning. They were golden. 

But he still had one or two things on his mind, little nagging bits, but nothing heavy enough to shake off that heady feeling. There was the virgin thing, which he wasn’t sure how, or if, he was going to go about that. And then there was a little spot of curiosity that he held on to. If Dimitri was a virgin, how the fuck did he get so good at sex? Or at least, conceptualizing intimacy, planning out their slow exploration, and speaking about sex, those filthy whispers he’d get, the performance he gave the other night narrating his memory of their first night sleeping together. One of Sylvain’s favorite surprises is the discovery that Dimitri was such a dirty talker. It made their lovemaking just that much more intense. But Sylvain had no idea where it was coming from.

Continuing his aimless wander, Sylvain found himself on the bridge leading to the cathedral, leaning with his back against the railing. Not far away from where he stood, Dimitri confronted him about finding him with Felix’s cum on his face. A lifetime ago. Sylvain felt sad for a moment, golden glow slipping slightly, remembering his time with Felix. He’d make it up to Dimitri, somehow. 

“Hey there, love, finished with the greenhouse?”

Dimitri. He was so good at sneaking up on Sylvain. It was honestly hysterical, the idea that such a large, imposing figure could possibly be stealthy.

“Just taking a break. How are you doing, how’s planning going?”

Dimitri came and leaned his forearms against the railing next to Sylvain. 

“Exhausting. Edelgard has started coming out in public again. She’s announced your escape, and put a bit of a bounty on your head. I, on the other hand, remain dead and buried. Gloucester forces have ceded to Alliance factions opposed to the Empire, a small victory. Your father is keeping Cornelia on her toes.” 

Sylvain smiled, lifted his hands to run them through Dimitri’s hair, pushing the blonde locks out of his face. 

“You should try putting your hair up, love. You’d look good that way.”

Dimitri smiled, producing a bit of leather string from his pocket. He quickly made a messy bun.

“Like this?”

Sylvain nodded. “Very sexy. Keep it like that, please?”

Dimitri nodded, smiling, looking down. 

“I’m still not used to… people looking at me… seeing anything other than some… animal.”

Sylvain lifted one hand and put it to Dimitri’s cheek, and they looked into each other’s eyes a moment before Dimitri returned his gaze to the horizon. 

“Tell me about something else, Sylvain. Distract me from all this.”

“Well, Dima, I’d been meaning to ask you something, for a bit now, I’m not sure if now’s the right time, though…”

They were reasonably isolated there, out of earshot. Sylvain figured it was now or never. 

“What’s on your mind, love?”

“I just… I’ve been wondering… and I know its not fair for me to ask this, with my history and all, and not like it really matters or anything, I’m just curious—”

“You want to know if I’ve been with anyone else?”

Sylvain sighed, nodding. Dimitri always knew. 

“No, love, there’s never been anyone else. I’ve been in love with you for, goddess, I can’t even remember how long now. I was just, well you know, too scared to do anything about it. And I found other outlets to channel my frustration, to distract me from what I thought I couldn’t have.”

Sylvain was silent a moment. So Felix was right. 

“Does it bother you that I… that I’ve been with other people.” 

Dimitri continued to look out. 

“Yes and no. Yes, because I’m furiously jealous of all those people who were there back then, doing what I wanted to, being with you the way I dreamed of. I wish I could go back and steal you out of their arms. But that’s easy to forget now. Now that were together, it’s like… it’s like all that didn’t happen. We’re getting quite good, you know, at repairing our memories.” 

“Out of curiosity, what were your outlets? You know mine, only fair you tell me.” 

“I trained. Hard. Every day. Every time I would feel you rushing over me, I ran to the training yard. I’d start off with throwing some axes, then I’d settle in with someone and spar.”

Sylvain laughed. He’d tell Dimitri about the axe thing later. 

“Anything else?”

“Well, I also masturbated a lot. A lot, a lot. Sometimes I’d stay up all night, fantasizing about you, thinking about you on the training field, sweating, all raw, erotic energy. I know you did the same, thinking about me. It’s almost funny, all that time, so much of it with our bedrooms right next door, and we were just jacking off in parallel, wishing that dividing wall would vanish.”

Sylvain blushed, looking away from Dimitri. He had more questions. 

“Also don’t take this the wrong way, Dima, but I can’t help but wonder, if you’d never been with someone before, how you got so, well, incredible at sex?”

“What do you mean?”

“How’d you know that it would be better for us to take it slow, like this? How did you learn to dirty talk like that? It almost makes me laugh, after, thinking about the old Dimitri saying half of the things you say to me when we’re in bed.” 

Dimitri looked up at him and gave a crooked smile. 

“You want to know how I learned that? How I know exactly the words to say to make you hard, get you dripping?”

Here? Out in public? Sylvain just nodded, scanning the area for passersby. 

“Well, I think its one of two things. One, I’m just naturally gifted at all thing sexual, and here I am, living proof of that, with your cock wrapped around my little finger. Or two, I spent years talking to the you I built inside my mind, doing all kinds of… things with you, saying all kinds of things to you. I’ve imagined how we’d start making love so many times, countless iterations—fast bursts of passion where we just rip each other’s clothes off and fuck for a week straight, and slow, methodical unwrappings, like what we’re doing now. I always liked those fantasies more. They’ d last for weeks, each night with me picturing exploring another part of you, shooting all over myself as I imagined seeing you, touching you, tasting you, piece by piece. I couldn’t picture how you’d react, of course, but eventually I stopped fantasizing about the fast and started indulging in the slow. And, now that we have time, that we’re back together again, I’m selfishly putting you through the paces of my teenage fantasies. As for the talking, well, I think I spent so much time telling you nothing, asking you nothing, avoiding the issue all together that now, well I can’t shut myself up. Maybe, even, it’s to help me believe it’s all really happening, like I have to say it, like I have to hear you say it, to banish away any thought that it might not be real. Why? Do you like it when I talk dirty to you? Are you enjoying bringing this fantasy to life?”

Sylvain nodded, his pants getting much too tight for this conversation. 

“Yes, Dima, I do, and I think we should go back to our room and—”

“Later, love. Right now, I’m going to come over to you, slip my thigh between your legs, and put my arms on your shoulders. We’re both going to smile, as if we’re just two lovers, laughing with each other on a beautiful day, enjoying a little public display of affection.”

Sylvain wasn’t sure what was going on, but he nodded. Dimitri came over and kissed him, doing exactly what he said he would, pushing him a bit against the railing, and they both broke out a big smile. Then, Dimitri bent his neck to whisper in Sylvain’s ear. 

“For a moment, I was afraid you were going to say you didn’t like my talking. But you like it, right? Like it when I talk about what I want to do with you? Goddess, Sylvain, I want to pull your pants down right now. I want to spin you around and fuck you right here, on this bridge, right now. Do you want that? You can’t wait for me to split you open, stretch you around my huge, rock-hard cock, and pound you so hard you can’t walk, right? Just nod for me, baby.”

“Dima, I… What are you doing?”

Dimitri silenced Sylvain with a kiss, hard, but no tongue. Sylvain began nodding. Dimitri kept whispering, through gritted teeth, as he kept up his smile. Sylvain understood he was trying to be covert, balance between jumping Sylvain there and not drawing attention. At this point, Sylvain could care less what kind of attention they were getting. His cock ached against his dampening small clothes. They must have looked ridiculous.

“I can’t wait until we get there. This slowness is killing me, but its so, so fucking… hot. Each time I just think about one new part of you, a patch of skin I haven’t yet touched or tasted, forget about your gorgeous cock, your luscious ass, I get so hot, like I can’t even breathe, and I get so hard, so fucking hard. Does that happen to you too? I can feel how hard you are, Sylvain, pressed up against me right now. Can you feel me, too? It’s hard to keep them hidden, huh, when we both have such big, thick, beautiful cocks.”

Sylvain nodded. Thankfully, the bridge was still empty, strange for that time of day. Sylvain was getting hot, very hot. The bright sun didn’t help much, but it made Dimitri glow in that beautiful way. 

Dimitri’s hand, then, started to wander inwards from Sylvain’s waist, a finger dragging itself beneath the waist of his pants. 

“Dima, you can’t, are you going to—” 

“I’m so proud of us, love. I thought that I’d never be able to live out this fantasy. After we reunited, I thought that we’d just get right down to business. I thought I wouldn’t have the willpower to keep my dick out of your ass, or to keep from climbing into your lap and sliding down on yours, riding you for hours on end, working load after load out of you. But then that first morning, when we didn’t even take off our pants, when I came, so hard, blindingly hard, for the first time in months, maybe years, in my pants, just from you eating out my armpit, playing with my nipple, from your cock rubbing against my ass. I knew, I knew you’d like this too, that you’d join me in this. Did you know that then, too? That you’d like me to toy with you, tease you a bit, ravish you with whispers in your ears, describe to you all the ways I had you in my fantasies, all the times I’d imagine stripping you bare, laying you out on our bed—"

As Dimitri was talking, his hand, obscured from the world by his cloak, proceeded apace, and slowly, as he got to the end of his sentence, his entire hand was inside Sylvain’s smallclothes, his fingers starting to reach—oh goddess. Sylvain stifled a whimper.

“Dima, please, please please you’re so close to—”

With that, Dimitri, moved in to drip Sylvain’s cock, wrapping his long fingers around Sylvain’s thickness, holding it tight. Sylvain thought he was going to pass out. Or cum. Or both.

“Yes, just like that. I’d lay you out and grasp your hard cock, holding it in front of me, so I could take you all in. I just had an image before, a guess, about what you’d look like, hard and leaking. How your face would contort, how you’d let out those little moans, how your muscles would stiffen as your pleasure mounted. But now I can just reach out and touch you, the real you, whenever I want. Goddess it’s better than I ever imagined. Your real, hard cock in my hands, your real deep moans in my ear, the smell of you all around me. But only once we’ve earned it. I think we’ve earned this, right Sylvain? We’ve waiting just long enough for me to take your cock in my hand, right? For me to… to…”

Dimitri loosened his grip just enough to travel up on Sylvain’s cock, until he reached the head.

“For me to play with your beautiful foreskin, rub it all along your head? You can feel my fingers there, now. Soon, that’s going to be my tongue, my mouth latched onto your cock as you shoot into me, as you paint my face with your cum. Soon, so soon, love. This is a big step for us, a leap into our explorations. Maybe we went too far, but I’ve been dying to touch you all day, to feel the slick slide of your cock in my hand, your foreskin between my fingers, your wetness spreading. But I’m going to take my hand out now, okay? We’re going to kiss, say goodbye, and return to our tasks, no one the wiser, no one aware of what we’ve done to each other right here. Did you like this, Sylvain? Do you want me to do this again?”

Sylvain nodded, smile returning to his reddened, shocked, blissed-out face. A stab at covert. But who was he kidding? Dimitri’s hand was still on his cock, his cock of all places, here, right here, on the bridge.

“I can’t wait to smell my hand after this, your sweaty musk is going to be all over it. It’s going to take all my strength not to spend the rest of the afternoon sucking on my fingers. Are you ready, love?”

No, of course not. He was on the edge of cumming in his pants, his lover wrapped around him for the first time. But he nodded anyways. Dimitri slowly removed his hand. 

“See you tonight, love. You can finish then.”

He winked, pulled Sylvain in for a kiss, and then Dimitri was off, walking back to the cathedral. 

\--------

Later that night, when they both had retired to their room, Dimitri and Sylvain laid in bed together, naked, legs entwined, arms wrapped around each other. They were making out, slowly, taking their time licking up into the other’s mouth. 

Dimitri broke away. “Sylvain, I know that today on the bridge was… intense. I hope I didn’t take it too far…”

“No, Dima, I loved it. Do that to me again, when I least expect it. The way you talk to me...”

Dimitri purred, nuzzling into Sylvain’s neck. 

“Good, I can do that. But tonight, love, tonight do you mind if we take a break from exploring? We’re moving so fast, and I just want to sit here, in your arms, and talk, be with one another.”

Sylvain nodded.

“I’d like that, Dima. Tell me about your day. What parts of our new world did you help make? What futures are possible now?”


	18. Animal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI y'all, it's gonna get a little dark for the next two chapters. These boys, well, they've been skirting by a bit too long without their half-decade of trauma rearing it's head. I'm putting both chapters up at once so y'all can have conflict and resolution.
> 
> CW: Possessiveness, verbal and physical fighting, approaching the dubcon line but doesn't cross it.

Even though it had only been a few days, they’d settled into a bit of a routine already. They’d get up, spend a few moments gently stroking each other’s arms, swapping lazy kisses, grinding their morning erections into each other. Eventually duty would drag them out of bed (usually Dimitri first), and they’d set off. To each of their dismay, their days were largely spent apart. Probably for the best, though. Sylvain didn’t think he had much to contribute to the slow, methodical work of strategizing. Though monotonous, he knew he was better suited to fixing up the monastery, and, when appropriate, serving as an all-around kind of cheerleader, raising the resistance’s morale a few smiles, hugs, or high-fives at a time. He had his strengths. 

Sylvain and Felix had moved on from the greenhouse, working on more heavy repairs in the cathedral. Sylvain was very, very glad to be stuck with Felix for all this work. To the rest of the world, Felix was a dour monster. When they were together, they were laughing teenagers again, exchanging barbs and ribs. Sylvain had that effect on people. People couldn’t help but have a good time with him, it seemed.

Every once in a while, Dimitri would pass through the cathedral, on his way to meetings or whatever it is that busy soon-to-be-kings get up too. Sylvain would always wave at him, catch his eye in some way. 

They’d been working on the cathedral repairs for three long, arduous days. Sylvain was happy to be making real progress, but frustrated that each day took so much out of him, leaving him with barely enough energy to lay with Dimitri at the end of each day and have their nighttime chats. He’d fallen asleep mid-sentence each night, curled into Dimitri’s embrace. 

That morning, Dimitri came by to check on their progress. Felix told him they’d almost cleaned all the rubble away and were separating out the ruins into useable material and scrap. 

“Sounds fine, Felix, thank you. Sylvain, care to join me for some training this afternoon? It’s been a while since I swung a lance, and I think it’d be fun for us to get back into a rhythm, no?”

Felix interjected, “Don’t worry, I’m busy anyways, but thanks for the invite.”

Sylvain shot him an annoyed look. Felix smiled. 

“Dima, I would, but this is really taking it out of me. I don’t think I’d be able to train after this…”

“Well, play hooky with me for an afternoon? Felix, you seem to have a good handle on everything here, right? Could I steal Sylvain away for a bit?”

Felix shot Sylvain his own look. Sylvain’s eyes begged him, as if Felix was his father and he was asking to be able to hang out with his, um, friend. 

“Sure, Your Highness. You and Sylvain can go play, er, train.”

“Great, Sylvain, I’ll see you there later? 2 good?”

Sylvain nodded. “Sure. See you then.”

As Dimitri walked away, Felix came over to Sylvain and gave him a little slap on the ass.

“Don’t you two get enough of each other?”

No, Sylvain thought. Never. He went back to work, smiling. 

\---------

Sylvain made his way to the training yard at the appointed time. Dimitri was already there, warming up. He was stretching shirtless, his back muscles extended in the sun as he bent over to reach his spread-out legs. Now, Sylvain realized, he can look as much as he wanted. 

Dimitri came up and saw him, giving him a little nod, as Sylvain went to change into something more training appropriate. Just a loose pair of pants, shirts seeming silly now. He walked back onto the yard, lance in hand, ready to follow Dimitri’s lead. He went up to give Dimitri a little kiss before they began. Weird. Dimitri barely reacted, his face staying hard. 

“I thought we’d do a little quarterstaff sparring. How does that sound?”

Sylvain gave Dimitri a slight smile. A bit of an odd choice for the lance purist, but fine.

“Sure, love. What, do you want us to train a little closer up? Quarterstaffs, well we’ll basically be in each other’s laps…”

Dimitri locked eyes with him, returning a crooked smile. 

“Something like that… yes. Are you ready?”

They began to spar for a bit, going through forms Sylvain knew Dimitri had memorized, perfected. Every few hits they’d find themselves locked together, face to face, panting with exertion, staring into each other’s eyes for a moment before breaking out and starting all over again. Though Dimitri was acting a little off, Sylvain absolutely loved this. This was usually how his fantasies began, with them fighting up close, sweat dripping on each other, roars ringing in each other’s ears as they struck and parried. 

On their next lock, Dimitri leaned in close to Sylvain.

“Sylvain, there was something I wanted to talk to you about.”

Dimitri back away, continuing his advance on Sylvain. Was he moving a little faster? Hitting a bit harder? 

Next lock.

“What’s on your mind, Dima?”

Thrust, parry, spin around, repeat.

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with Felix lately, haven’t you?”

Uh oh. 

“Yes, love. It’s been nice, reconnecting with him.”

He shouldn’t have said that. He should have been more blasé. 

“Funny, you don’t really mention him, when we’re coming down from our days together.”

Dimitri was right. Knowingly or not, Sylvain usually excluded any mention of Felix from his conversations with Dimitri. For obvious reasons. 

“Well, Dima, I—”

Thrust, parry, spin around, repeat.

“What? You don’t think I want to hear about Felix?”

This felt like a trap. 

“Well, yeah. We haven’t, well it hasn’t come up yet, has it?”

Thrust, parry, spin around, repeat.

“You know I almost forgot about it, what I saw when I caught you coming out of his room so long ago. So many… other things have happened since, other hurts, sweeping that one under the rug.”

Next lock. Sylvain was heaving now, reacting to Dimitri’s escalating onslaught. He knew Dimitri felt some kind of way about him and Felix messing around back then, but he didn’t think he’d hurt Dimitri. They weren’t together yet. 

“Dimitri, I… I’m sorry that I hurt you back then… I… I—”

“Made a mistake? Plenty to go around, love. But still… I…”

Thrust, parry, spin around, repeat.

“I get so angry when I see the two of you together. It’s unfair, but…”

Next lock. Dimitri is practically whispering in his ear.

“It… kills me… that you were with him first. And seeing you with him now… it just reminds me… of the firsts I’d thought we’d have, that we won’t.”

Sylvain obviously felt bad, but not too bad. Dimitri was being a bit, well, much. His anger was getting a little concerning. Sylvain decided to fight back a little harder, meeting Dimitri’s blows. 

“I know, Dima… But we weren’t ready yet—”

“But you were ready for him?”

Sweat was streaking down their faces now, getting into Sylvain’s eyes. Was Dimitri crying? He couldn’t tell, but he suspected. 

“Dimitri, we have plenty of firsts left… but you have to understand… you must be able to understand… what someone would do when they were that desperate… I…”

“I know, Sylvain. You did it because you wanted to be prepared to be with me… But you didn’t realize… didn’t even notice… that I’d never had anyone else. Why would you think you needed… practice for me? That I wouldn’t want to… learn with you?”

Dimitri kind of had him there. He was oblivious to Dimitri’s lack of experience. He was too fixated on the phantoms he created, the ghost women throwing themselves at Dimitri, sharing his bed. 

Distracted, Dimitri was able to push Sylvain backward, eventually pinning him against a column, his sweaty, broad chest heaving, the two separated only by their staffs. Dimitri whispered in his ear.

“I have to know… Sylvain… I have to know what firsts are left for us… Which parts of you are all mine, will always be just mine…”

Sylvain was, frankly, a little more than concerned about this new possessive streak in sweaty-sexy-training-animal Dimitri. This was the double-edged sword. But still he found himself hopelessly turned on, hearing Dimitri want to claim him as his own, keep him as his own, trapping him in this tense embrace. He made a note to ask Dimitri to hold him down again later, when they’d worked through this. 

Sylvain nodded. “Okay, Dima, I’ll tell you.”

Dimitri backed off, preparing for Sylvain’s attack. As he approached, he started questioning Sylvain, quick, short inquiries through gritted teeth, punctuated by their exerted groans and the smack of their staffs. 

Smack.

“Did you kiss him?”

Smack. Sylvain nodded.

“Did he… see you?”

Smack. Nod.

“Did he touch you?”

Smack. Smack. Sylvain spun around, trying to gain some extra momentum to meet Dimitri’s strength. Nod. 

Dimitri gave out a small roar, as he spun away from Sylvain, taking a few paces back before circling around, resuming his spar. 

“Did you touch him?”

Smack. Nod. 

“Sylvain, this is too much, please tell me you’re going to stop nodding soon. Did you.. did you made each other cum?”

Smack. Dimitri knew that one. He was just torturing himself now. Nod. 

“Did he put you in his mouth?”

Sylvain winced with Dimitri’s strike, not from the attack, but from the memory he had to confess. Nod. Another roar. Sylvain’s heart was pounding, fearful suddenly that Dimitri was going to tire of this and run away, that he was on the edge of losing him again.

“Dimitri, please, stop—”

“Did you put him in your mouth?”

“Dima, please—”

“Did. You.”

Sylvain nodded. Sweat poured down his face, mixing with the tears gathering below his eyes. He didn’t realize that by this point, Dimitri had him pinned against the column again. Less sexy than before, Dimitri’s eye was dark, his face silently screaming at him, as he stood there, panting, holding his staff against Sylvain’s.

“That’s it, Dima. No more. We… we didn’t go further than that…”

Silence for a few beats, a few more pained exhales. 

“So the rest of you… that’s just mine?” 

“Yes, Dima, yes, and nothing that we did… nothing Felix and I did… was anything like what we’ve done… I didn’t feel anything about it… it didn’t make me feel… Dima being with you is like… it’s like standing in front of the fucking sun. It’s stifling, overpowering, fries my every nerve and makes my mind go blank. No one else… could ever make me feel that way.”

“He never… no one has ever… you didn’t have sex with him?

Sylvain shook his head, furiously.

“Sylvain, I need you… I need you to be mine, now… I’ve been… I’ve always been yours… I can’t… I can’t…”

Sylvain nodded. He couldn’t help it, he was rock hard. Dimitri was crying now.

“Yes, Dima. I’ll always be yours… everything else… everything else… is yours.” 

Dimitri backed away from him, throwing his staff to the ground. Not that Sylvain could have thought about this even if he wanted to, but he did notice then that they were completely alone on the training yard. Dimitri rushed back to him, pushing him into the column as he caught Sylvain’s mouth with his. They made out, furiously, their hands roaming over their slick bodies. Dimitri finally came to rest his hands against Sylvain’s ass, squeezing it hard.

“Sylvain I… I’m sorry… I don’t know… oh, goddess.”

And like that, he was gone, running for the door. Sylvain was too shocked, too confused, needed a moment. Then he ran after him.


	19. Sealed Forest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're working through it!!

Sylvain was just running now, no destination in mind, frantically searching for Dimitri. He must have looked ridiculous—shirtless and sweaty, face streaked with tears. After making a lap around the monastery grounds, he thought he needed a better strategy. He needed to think about where Dimitri would go when he felt his lowest, when he wanted to escape from the world. 

The answer hit him like lightning. He stopped in his tracks so quickly he almost fell over. 

When they were younger, right when they first got to the monastery, Ingrid noticed that Dimitri would disappear sometimes. For hours. They never discovered where he went off to, but he remembered Ingrid having some theories back then. Fuck, why couldn’t he think of the place? He and Ingrid had talked about it so many times, in hushed, worried conversations. He started running again, screaming for Ingrid. 

He found her in the cathedral, chatting with Felix, startled by Sylvain’s half-naked, screaming frame bounding into the otherwise peaceful space. 

“Ingrid, I need your help. Right now.”

She and Felix looked at him sideways, concerned. Sylvain couldn’t deal with seeing Felix right now, and he started crying again. Felix noticed. 

“Sylvain, what did Dimitri do to you?”

“Stay out of this, Fe. I just have to find him. Now. Ingrid, do you remember when Dimitri used to disappear?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I always thought that he went out into the Sealed Forest. Close enough to the monastery but far enough for privacy. But that’s just some dumb theory we all came up with in school. Seriously, Sylvain, what happened?”

“I’ll tell you later, Ingrid. Thank you.”

And he was off again, Ingrid and Felix screaming after him. Sealed Forest, of course. But that was so huge, how was he supposed to find him in there?

It took him about ten minutes running to get to the edge of the forest. He stopped for a second to catch his breath, hands on his knees. 

What the fuck had just happened? Blood finally returned to his brain, allowing him to process, for a second, what he’d just experienced. Dimitri’s eye. He’d only seen that look in him twice before. Once, in the Holy Tomb. Again, when he and Sylvain found each other in the monastery ruins, when he thought Sylvain was a ghost. A shark’s eye. Icy blue shifting into black. 

Sylvain expected them to have an argument about this at some point, to have to apologize up and down for his youthful mistake. But this was… something else. This wasn’t an argument. This wasn’t friendly sparring. This was… scary. Dangerous. Sylvain made a note to reexamine later why it made him so hard. Later. Running now. 

Sylvain plunged into the forest, racing, screaming Dimitri’s name. After a fruitless half hour, he was completely lost, voice hoarse, legs beginning to weaken. Maybe Ingrid was full of it. Why would Dimitri come here? The forest had absolutely no significance to him. None. And there was nothing notable about this place at all. Just trees, for miles around. Not even nice ones. Thick, gnarled things, with vines shooting out everywhere, sometimes clipping Sylvain’s bare arms as he ran. 

Another half an hour passes, and Sylvain comes across a clearing. The first notable thing about the forest—an absence of trees. Sylvain thought this might be promising. He walked into the clearing, finding an odd, overgrown stone rectangle. Some ancient ruin, nestled away here in the middle of this scraggled mess of primeval pines. Sylvain noticed that in each of the four corners there was a small structure, or what was once a structure. What remained were just two small walls of stone, meeting each other at the rectangle’s corner, standing a few feet high, sloping down to the ground in shattered triangles. 

This was just a distraction, Sylvain thought. Cool clearing, neat ruins, but no Dimitri. He started to walk out of the rectangle when, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a shock of blonde hair, a figure sitting on the floor, leaning against the ruins, knees pulled into their chest, head in their hands. Sylvain sighed from relief. Dimitri was clearly broken, but at least he wasn’t lost. He walked over to the figure, who seemed to not notice Sylvain’s presence. 

“Dima…”

Dimitri looked up, quickly, wide-eyed. He’d been crying, past the point now where any tears could come out. His breaths sharp, uneven, as if still finding their normal rhythm after a bout of sobbing. 

“How did… how did you find me?”

“Ingrid had a hunch.”

“Please, Sylvain, leave me alone. Tell Ingrid to mind her own business. This is… this place isn’t for other people.” 

Sylvain approached Dimitri, crouching down to his level.

“No, Dima. I’m not leaving you. You don’t have to talk about it yet, we can just sit here together.”

“I can’t have you here… how could you want to be around me, after… after I… Please just go.”

Sylvain sat down next to Dimitri. Dimitri looked away, shifted himself a little so he was leaning away from Sylvain.

“I want to understand, Dima. I’m not afraid. I’m ashamed of what I did… what I did to hurt you… I don’t understand what happened in the training yard, but I want to. You can tell me anything, Dima. I’m not going anywhere. Not after everything we’ve been through, not when I’ve got you back from the dead.”

They sat in silence, for a few minutes, the only sound their irregular sniffling, each of them coming back to level from an emotional low. 

“You were wrong, Sylvain.”

He looked up. 

“Wrong about what?”

“Lost things returned having some kind of luster. It only looked that way because… because we pretended it was there. Finding each other again, it… it knocked us loose from reality.”

Sylvain was silent. 

“What do you mean, Dima?”

“We’ve both been looking past our darkness. I don’t… I don’t know how you’re able to keep yours in check so well… but, well, you saw it. Sylvain, I don’t know… I don’t know what just happened to me. Something just, came over me, I couldn’t… couldn’t control myself. I was so…”

“Angry?”

“No. Afraid. The thought of you with someone else… anyone, like that… I just… And then I got so afraid that when you saw what I’d really become, what I’d been hiding away these past weeks, you’d… you’d leave me. One thing rolled into another and just… spun out of control.”

“Fear number one?”

Dimitri faked a chuckle. “Yeah. Fucking fear number one. I have no right to react at all to what happened with you and… Felix. That was your business. Both of us, both of us were waiting for the other, and I can’t… I can’t hold that against you. I don’t want to be that possessive person. I don’t want to take things from you, Sylvain. Or force you to give them to me. I feel… I’m so disgusted… You know what I wanted to do today? I actually had a good idea…”

“What, love?”

“I was going to take you training, and after we’d go back to our room, all sweaty and worn out, and I was going to ask you to… to do whatever you did with Felix. I was going to be real playful about it too, teasing it out of you while we trained, making you imagine what it would be like to… to do those things with me. Another memory repair. It’s stupid… But when I started to really think about it, think about you and Felix together… and after I’d seen you too together all week, laughing and smiling, well, it just broke me, shattered whatever normalcy I’d been able to erect. All of a sudden, I was losing you again. All of a sudden, I was alone again, in the woods after some fight, covered in blood, screaming into the night.”

Sylvain was beginning to understand. Dimitri was wrong about his darkness overpowering his luster. Sylvain needed to find a way to make Dimitri understand that. Sylvain felt incredibly guilty. Even their slowness had been a little too fast, indulged in each other a little too much at the expense of putting in the work of really moving into the light together. 

“Dima, that’s not stupid. That’s exactly something the clever, sexy, brave man I love would do. But I think we got a little ahead of ourselves, just a bit. You’re so wrong, Dima, so wrong about how I see you, about how the rest of us see you. But I think you’re right that we got too confident. Not every memory can be repaired. We have to start making new memories, a new life together, in this world, accepting who we are, not clinging to those people we used to be.”

Dimitri looked up at him, tears in his eye.

“How can you say all that, Sylvain? How could you possibly… how could you want to make more memories with me. I could have… I could have hurt you. I could have done something awful. Sylvain if I did anything to you, if I ever hurt you, I could never… would never be able to…”

Dimitri was sobbing now. Sylvain reached up to grab one of his hands, pulling it towards him as he interlinked their fingers.

“Because it’s not your fault. This world… this world took your wild passion, your capacity for love, and perverted them. Twisted them. Cornelia, Edelgard, Hubert, they all transformed those parts of you, made you into something else. Took those bright lights of the boy I loved and changed their color, their luminosity. That is not your fault. And it is not permanent. We can get through this, but only if we’re together. You can’t push me away this easily.”

“You’re not… afraid of me?”

“Never. Caught off guard maybe, kicking myself for not thinking about something like this sooner, not taking the steps I needed to take to make sure you felt cared for, loved. But I don’t want to run away, Dima. I want to shower you with love and goodness and everything I can to bring you back from this. To return to you, unspoiled, those beautiful parts of yourself. So, all in all, today was a good step forward.”

“What are you talking about?”

Sylvain smiled at him, squeezing his hand. “Now we know one thing that brings you to that place. The thought of me with another man. That’s easy to fix, Dima. But we can’t do it by repairing a memory. I need to tell you how I feel, remind you of how I feel, and you need to believe me. And you need to let me know if you feel this coming on, so we can escape somewhere and figure it out.” 

Dimitri squeezed his hand.

“Sylvain, what happened to your darkness?”

Sylvain was afraid of that. He knew Dimitri would ask him, though.

“It’s still in there. When I was captured, like you, I turned into this single-minded thing. Revenge consumed me. I got really good at picturing the future. A bloody, gruesome future that ended with my lance running Hubert through. If I’d been able to carry that out, perhaps the demons they’d put in my mind would have done more damage. But I found you before I could set off. That single-minded pursuit unraveled in an instant, the second you kissed me. But I’m still really good at picturing the future. But it’s a different future. Us together. Forever. And perhaps I’m so committed to these visions that I can’t see anything else, that I’m blinded to risks and dangers, like the ones we found today. I’d do anything to make that future a reality. Without question. My darkness… well my darkness made me get hard today, when we were in the training yard. My darkness would have let you do anything to me… hurt me… as long as it meant I still got to keep you. Your darkness turns outward, mine in. We’ve both got work to do, love.”

“I’m so sorry, Sylvain. It’s important that you know how sorry I am, how ashamed I am of what happened today. I promise I’ll never make you do anything like that. I’ll never put you in another position to have your darkness hurt you so.”

Sylvain squeezed his hand. He knew they had more work to do before Dimitri could promise something like that and be able to keep it. But this was a good start. 

“And I promise, Dima, that no man will ever, ever, ever be able to take me away from you. No person alive could ever… has ever… made me feel the way you do. I didn’t know you could love someone like this. I meant what I said before, about standing in front of the sun.”

“Sylvain, could that… could that just be your darkness talking?”

“No, love. My darkness doesn’t get to tell me how I feel. It just makes me forget myself sometimes, get desperate, unthinking. If there’s something I’ve thought a lot about, love, it how I feel about you.”

The two of them sat for a while in silence as the sun went down. As night fell, Dimitri led the two of them out of the Sealed Forest, down the path he knew by heart. Sylvain didn’t ask, didn’t have to ask, why Dimitri knew it so well. 

By the time they made it back to the monastery, things were wrapped up for the evening. There were no onlookers, save the guards, to see the two, certainly worse for wear, slightly cut up, disheveled half-naked men walk into the main entrance. Without stopping they made their way to their room. 

They undressed, as they usually did, but quieter than normal. They were exhausted. Dimitri practically crashed into their bed. Sylvain assumed his normal position behind him, minus the aching hard-on. That didn’t seem like it was in the cards tonight. As they drifted off to sleep, Dimitri pulled Sylvain in closer, squeezed his hand tighter. 

“Sylvain I know, I know we got ahead of ourselves today. But tomorrow… tomorrow do you think we could make some new memories together?” 

Sylvain nodded against his hair.


	20. Waterfall

Sylvain woke up the next morning, as he’d gotten accustomed to, with his chest still pressed into Dimitri’s back, his morning erection held in place against Dimitri’s ass. For about a half a second, Sylvain was able to forget about the preceding day. He squeezed Dimitri tighter, the day’s events rushing back over him. Scary day, but Sylvain was committed to the silver linings. They’d both learned something important about the darkness they carried. Enough to course-correct, to mitigate certain risks, to plot their future with just a little more care and precision. Well, at least plot their today.

Sylvain wanted Dimitri to sleep. He knew that Dimitri would usually be up by now, and if he was still asleep it meant he needed it. Seteth and the professor could wait. 

No, they could do without him for a day. Dimitri needed a day off, a break. Sylvain needed time with Dimitri, to acclimate to this new knowledge, to mend their foundations before they could go on to building more together. No war, for at least twenty-four hours. Just the two of them. Sylvain didn’t even care if they didn’t hook up at all. Well, in theory. His still-hard dick had other ideas. He wanted to reach over and give Dimitri a feel, but thought better of it. Not the time, Sylvain. 

Dimitri slept for another hour. Sylvain was shocked. Dima wasn’t a sleep-in kind of guy. Sylvain suspected that he hadn’t been sleeping as well as he looked lately. That his dark outburst might have been slowly building for a while, the weight of normalcy weighing on him. Yesterday might have lifted something off the prince’s shoulders. Sylvain didn’t realize how much Dimitri was keeping hidden. Sylvain didn’t mind sitting there, laying with him, still entwined. His dick finally learned some manners, softening eventually, but still resting in Dimitri’s cleft. Without thinking, he began stroking Dimitri’s abs, which woke him up. Oops.

Dimitri stirred, but didn’t turn over. 

“Morning, love. You sleep okay?”

Dimitri nodded, silently.

“Dima, I was thinking, maybe we should take the day off? Find somewhere in the outskirts of the monastery to camp out for the day? What do you think?”

Dimitri’s hand squeezed his.

“Sylvain, I’d… yes I’d like that. Are you sure you’re okay being… alone with me?”

“I slept here, didn’t I? I’m not afraid, love, remember that. We’re going to get past this. And step one is taking a page out of old Sylvain’s book—a honest-to-goddess fuck-off day.” 

Another squeeze.

“Okay, love. We can do that. Where should we go?”

Sylvain had an idea. He was afraid it was too close to another memory they had, but he decided it didn’t matter. It was a good memory. 

“It’ll be a surprise, love. You get ready, I’ll go down and steal some food from the dining hall. Meet me in the marketplace in fifteen?”

Dimitri nodded. Sylvain shot up, quickly throwing his clothes on, stopping to give Dimitri a slow kiss on his way out. Too slow. All of a sudden, he was pulled back onto the bed by the naked Dimitri. They kissed for a few minutes, licking up into each other, until Sylvain could feel Dimitri’s hardness against him. 

“Sylvain we could… we could just stay in bed all day…”

Sylvain shook his head.

“No, we have to get out! It’ll be good, I promise. Put that monster away and come meet me downstairs. Bring the blanket.”

Sylvain gave him a last kiss and got back up, running out the door before Dimitri could make any more convincing points about why they should just stay locked away in their room. He did take one last look back at him, though, to catch Dimitri looking at him with a half-smile, looking down to lose Sylvain’s eyes when he looked back. Seeing him like this broke Sylvain’s heart. They had work to do today. 

\-----------

Sylvain and Dimitri had been walking away from the monastery for about twenty minutes now, hand-in-hand. They didn’t say much, just taking in the nature around them. A bird here and there. It was a beautiful day, sunny and warm. 

About a mile down the main path leading to the monastery, Sylvain led them off, to the left, into the forest. Dimitri had never been down this way before, but he gladly followed Sylvain, wherever the redhead was taking him. Sylvain promised him they were almost there. 

After a while, they started to hear the sound of running water, growing louder and louder. Sylvain had led them to a hidden river, which, after walking a bit more, led to a small waterfall. They laid their blanket out on the shore of the waterfall’s little lake. 

“Sylvain, how did you know about this place? It’s… beautiful.”

“Ingrid and I used to come out here together. It was our little secret spot, on those rare occasions I could convince her to goof off with me. We would come down here and… well, I’ll show you. It’s great, trust me. But you have to get in the water with me first. Is that okay?”

“Okay, Sylvain. I trust you.”

They began taking off their clothes, tossing them in a pile on top of their blanket. Dimitri got down to his smallclothes and stopped. 

“Sylvain, I don’t know if… if we should…”

As he spoke, Sylvain removed his own smallclothes, baring himself to Dimitri. 

“Dima, it’s okay. We can be like this, together. It’ll be just like that day at the lake. But we won’t have to hide ourselves.”

“That was a really nice day… Okay...”

Dimitri removed his smallclothes. Sylvain gave him a smile, a once over.

“And maybe later, we can touch out pinkies again. Or more, if you’d like.” He winked. Sylvain was trying his best to be normal, lighthearted, a little teasing maybe, if only to pull a smile out of Dimitri. It was working. 

Sylvain took Dimitri’s hand and led him into the water. It was bracing, so they went in slow, eventually getting in a little above their waists, the little lake’s deepest point. After a few minutes wading they got to the waterfall. 

“Okay, so what we’re going to do is get under the waterfall. It’s not that heavy, it’ll be fine. It won’t hurt. It feels really good actually, all that water pounding on your shoulders. But it’s going to be loud, really, really loud. Now when you get in, with all that noise around you, you’re going to start screaming. Yes, I know, but trust me. Just let out the biggest scream you can manage. Yell. Keep yelling until you need to come out for air. Don’t worry, I’ll hold your hand the whole time.”

Dimitri looked confused, but when Sylvain beckoned for him to come stand next to him, they both walked under the waterfall. 

Sylvain remembered when he used to do this with Ingrid. She had to let off steam about some marriage proposal she had just received. Sylvain had to scream because of Dimitri. It was amazing, to just get something off your chest like that. To be completely inundated with the sound of the water, and just let go. It’s not an easy fix, doesn’t let go of everything, but it’s a start. A first step. Sylvain started screaming, and he could just barely hear Dimitri doing so as well. 

He looked over at Dimitri, who bore an anguished face as he screamed into the water. After a minute of this, Sylvain felt Dimitri tug on his hand, pulling him out of the waterfall.

“How was that, love?” 

“Sylvain that was… that was incredible. I wish I had come to your secret spot when I was younger. There’s… well there’s nothing that cathartic about the clearing in the Sealed Forest.”

“You want to go back in?”

Dimitri nodded. 

As they continued their primal screams, Sylvain looked back over at Dimitri, whose face had shifted from anguished release to soft-smiled relief, letting himself go completely, a bit of the darkness washing off. 

Dimitri pulled Sylvain out again, this time straight into a hard, frantic kiss, squeezing Sylvain’s hand hard.

He pulled away, taking deep breaths. “Thank you, Sylvain. This... this helped a lot. How do you… do you feel better?”

Sylvain absolutely did, if only because of the wide smile on Dimitri’s face. He hadn’t seen him this happy in, well, a really long time. So far when Dimitri’s smiled, it’s been a sly look of passion, a satisfied grin, a laugh or two here and there. This smile, well, Sylvain thought it approximated happy. He was getting there. Sylvain wished he’d thought of this sooner. 

As they continued to kiss, Sylvain pulled them back under the waterfall. The sound drowned out everything else around them, allowing them to just focus completely on each other, the rest of the world washing away. They stayed there until it became hard to breathe, emerging reborn in each other’s arms. 

“Dima, I’m freezing. Can we go lay in the sun?”

Dimitri nodded, still smiling. In a swift motion, he bent down and picked Sylvain completely off the ground, carrying him out of the water, as he continued to kiss Sylvain through his smile, dropping him gently back to on their blanket. Having placed him back on the ground, Dimitri put himself in between Sylvain’s legs, and they continued to make out with Dimitri slowly sinking on top of Sylvain. Dimitri lifted Sylvain’s arms above their heads, pinning him to the blanket, just like Sylvain did that first morning in the training yard. 

“Sylvain is this… is this okay?”

Sylvain was breathless. Dimitri carrying him like that was a major turn on. So was him holding him down. This was not darkness self-destruction. This was pure, unmitigated lust.

“Yes love, it’s… it’s perfect… but let’s… slow down a second. Come lay here with me.”

Dimitri came and curled up at Sylvain’s side, resting his head on Sylvain’s chest, lifting one head above his to play with Sylvain’s hair. 

“Better than our day at the lake, huh?”

Dimitri nodded. 

“Sylvain, I have a little confession to make about that day… well about a couple of things, really.”

“Oh yeah? Nothing bad I hope…”

“Well not bad, really. Naughty, more like.”

Sylvain liked the sound of that. “Go on.”

“Well, you know how I was trying to get you to make the first move, back then? Trying to give you signs that that was OK?”

Sylvain nodded. “Yeah I do…”

Dimitri looked up and him and smiled.

“Do you really want to know?”

“Come on, you can’t not tell me now.”

“Promise you won’t be mad?”

“I promise.”

“Okay… well so I knew you were, you know, looking at me. And I wanted you to look more so I, well I teased you a bit, I guess. When we were swimming out to that island, well… I wanted you to see me like that. Wanted to see what you did. We could have kept our smallclothes on, but I wanted your eyes on more of me. I guess that was part of my own way of telling you it was okay to, you know, tell me how you felt.”

Sylvain was laughing, hard. “That’s hysterical, love. Well it worked, I certainly drank you in that day, didn’t I?”

“Well, that’s not the first time I did something like that…”

“No?” 

Dimitri shook his head. “There was one time, when we were on a mission…”

Oh my goddess.

“And we were sharing a tent. Dedue was gone so I was sleeping with you and Felix. I went to bed later than you, but when I came in, I noticed you were still awake. I saw you look at me, caught you quickly shutting your eyes. You were so beautiful, sleeping there. You were shirtless, and your pecs were just coming out over the sheet. You had a hand above your head, showing me your pit. You couldn’t see me looking at you, because you were pretending to be asleep, but I got so hard, with you laying there, displaying yourself like that for me. I… I couldn’t stop myself. I tried to be quiet, just in case I was wrong, but I’m sure you heard me, touching myself. But you couldn’t have known I was looking at you the whole time.”

“Dima, I… I came that night too. Did you notice? I slipped my hand under my smallclothes, and I came just from listening to you pleasure yourself, smelling your cum in the air, just from teasing my head. I can’t believe… I can’t believe you did that! That’s so unlike you, Dima. I’m shocked, really. Well I guess I should know better now, just how filthy you are, your secret, intense, sexual side.”

Dimitri rolled over, propping himself up on his elbows, so he could get a better look at Sylvain, laying there, naked. He took one hand and ran it over Sylvain’s torso, dipping his head down to place a small kiss on his nipple. 

“Sylvain there’s… there’s one more thing…”

“Tell me, Dimitri. What did you do?”

“Well, this is how I knew how you felt about me. I gave you a test, but you… you didn’t know it. You passed. I should have… I should have done something after, told you about it, but I was still so afraid that some mix-up might have happened, some mistake somewhere, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Do you remember, once, when we were training together? A normal, average day. I don’t even remember what we did. But after, we both changed out of our clothes to get ready for dinner?”

No. No way. 

“Well I wanted to show myself to you then, so I got closer to you than I would normally while we changed. You smelled so good, Sylvain, I had a hard time staying soft. I turned away from you so you couldn’t see anything, just in case I wasn’t able to calm myself. As I got changed I… I left something for you… Do you remember?”

Sylvain nodded, face slack in disbelief.

“What did I leave you, love?”

“Your… your smallclothes.”

“Exactly. I’d been wearing the same pair for a few days. Slept in them one night. Trained in them twice. I wanted… I knew you’d want them to smell like that. Did you?”

Sylvain nodded. He was hard now, cock sticking straight up as he laid there naked, stirred awake by Dimitri’s confession. 

“I thought about cumming in them, but figured that was overkill. Did you cum in them, Sylvain?”

He nodded. “About a dozen times, yeah.”

“What did you do with them?”

“I would just lay them across my face, crotch near my mouth, and breathe you in. I’d lick at them too, while I used both hands to jack off and finger myself. I figured, back then… I figured that was the closest I was ever going to get to that part of you. I didn’t mean to cum in them so much, just that every time I’d take them out, I’d end up shooting over my head. I’d never been so turned on by anything before. I can’t believe you, Dima.”

“You’re not mad?”

“I’m furious. You knew I had feelings from you all the way back then?! And it took weeks, WEEKS until we finally were able to admit it to one another?”

Sylvain was smiling, not actually mad. No, he was much, much too turned on to be mad about anything like that. Another secret side of Dimitri, this one much more pleasant than other, recently-revealed bits. But Sylvain loved all of him, each part, completely. 

Dimitri laughed, looking back down at the blanket. “I’m so sorry, love. I’ll never stop being sorry for how stupid I was back then. What can I do to make it up to you?”

Sylvain propped himself up on his elbows, starting to lift his torso off the blanket. He towered over the laying Dimitri. 

“Well, Dima, you can start by turning over, putting your hands behind your head, and letting me suck your cock.”

Dimitri’s mouth dropped open. “Sylvain… you don’t have to… are you sure?”

“Yes, love. Don’t you think you owe me, just a little bit?”

Dimitri nodded.

“Teasing me for so long… you’re cruel, Dima. I love it. I’m mostly joking, but do you want to know why I really want to fix your dark side?”

Dimitri smiled. “Oh, well, I assumed it had something to do with, you know, loving me?” 

Sylvain nodded. “I love you, yes. And… those parts of you the darkness changed, the way they were before… your unapologetic passion, your force, whatever devious part of you decided it was best to torture me instead of telling me how you felt, dragging it out of me slowly… well Dima, those parts of you are so fucking sexy, and I want them back. And when we’re here, together, like this, putty in each other’s hands, you whispering your filthy secrets in my ears, well, it makes me feel like I have that Dimitri here with me. I want you to be able to pin me down, just like this, tear me apart with your words, pound into me so hard I can’t see anymore, without having to worry that I’m somehow leading you back into the dark. So, starting right now, I’m going to try sucking the darkness out of you, okay?”

With that, Sylvain grabbed Dimitri’s shoulder and flipped him on his back. Both of them were shocked by Sylvain’s show of strength. Dimitri was a big dude. Sylvain started by straddling him, pinning his arms behind his head, looking down at Dimitri while he panted in anticipation, pits bared, pecs rising and falling. 

“Stay put, love. I have business with your chest later.”

Sylvain lifted his hands of Dimitri’s wrists and brought them to his pecs, slowly gliding his hands down Dimitri’s chest as he shifted his weight back, lifting one knee to wedge it between Dimitri’s, slowly spreading his legs. 

He looked down at Dimitri’s crotch. Somehow, Dimitri was still soft, his fat cock lying there, resting against his balls, nestled in his pubes. Though surprising, this wasn’t unwelcome. Sylvain wanted to see if he could fit all of Dimitri’s soft cock in his mouth. His hands continued down Dimitri’s abs, finally reaching Dimitri’s coarse public hair. Sylvain spread his fingers through Dimitri’s hair and, with his left hand stabilizing himself on the ground, gripped Dimitri’s base with his right. He was just as soft as he expected, but still so thick. Such a fat cock, even now, even completely soft. Well, not completely. He was stirring. Sylvain realized he didn’t have much time. He leaned his head down into Dimitri’s crotch, took a big inhale of Dimitri’s scent, and stuck his tongue out, slowly guiding Dimitri’s cock into his mouth. He was heavy on his tongue, a little salty from sweat, an incredible first taste. Dimitri took a sharp inhale, followed by a deep moan. 

“Sylvain I can’t… I can’t believe it… You’re so beautiful right now, around my cock like this. Yes, love, take all of it in.”

With a little effort, Sylvain was able to do just that, but it was getting tighter by the second as Dimitri grew harder. Sylvain couldn’t believe this was really happening, that Dimitri’s cock was finally in his mouth. All of Dimitri, every inch, every beautiful part, was his to discover, and his reward for that slow pace was this moment, right here, sucking gently on Dimitri’s cock, almost entirely in his mouth. Soon, though, Sylvain had to move up. With hollowed cheeks, Sylvain began focusing his attention on Dimitri’s head, swirling his tongue around him, finding his way under his foreskin, until he was able to roll it back and forth with just his mouth, his hand still gripping Dimitri’s base. As he did that, Dimitri let out more strangled moans, growing deeper every time Sylvain’s tongue swiped across the sensitive underside of his cock. He stayed there for a bit, moving his head just enough to take in and let out Dimitri’s head, swirling his tongue around it every time it entered his mouth.

By this point, Dimitri’s cock was fully hard. Sylvain was able to get down maybe five inches from the head, honestly a shocking accomplishment. If he could fit just one or two more inches of Dimitri in him, he’d be ecstatic. Now, though, that Dima’s cock was getting wet, slick from Sylvain’s saliva, Sylvain began moving his hand in earnest, stroking Dimitri in rhythm with his head, slowly going up and down on Dimitri’s cock, stimulating as much of it at once as possible. It felt so wonderfully heavy on his tongue, stretching his lips ever so slightly, beautifully. The smell was so intense, Dimitri’s scent mixing with Sylvain’s saliva, that Sylvain thought he might pass out. It grew stronger as he approached Dimitri’s base, and each time Sylvain promised that, one day, he’d get enough of Dimitri down to bury his nose in Dimitri’s pubes. Preferably, after a long training session. 

By this point, Dimitri was practically crying out, breaths in heaves, each exhale a deep, beautiful moan. Sylvain could tell he was getting close, but he was nowhere near done with him. 

“Almost there, love?”

Dimitri nodded furiously. 

With that, Sylvain pulled off, continuing to stroke him with one hand, but began to creep his torso up Dimitri’s body until he was level with his nipples. 

“No, Sylvain, please, it’s going to make me cum if you—”

Sylvain tightened his grip on the base of Dimitri’s cock, letting go of it as he licked up into his armpit, swirling his tongue around in Dimitri’s dark blonde hairs, taking in his scent. Dimitri roared, but didn’t cum yet, left on the edge once Sylvain removed his hand.

“Dima, love, there’s still so much more I need to explore before you can cum. Please, let me keep going?”

Dimitri nodded, eye screwed shut, groaning again. 

Sylvain returned to Dimitri’s crotch, this time ducking his head lower than before, going straight in to lick a stripe between Dimitri’s balls. Dimitri yelped.

“Those are… those are really sensitive, Sylvain. I love it, though. Please… please lick my balls.”

“What else do you want, Dima?”

“I want… I want you to stuff both of my balls in your mouth, gagging on them. I want you to stroke my thick cock, looking up at me, your nose right in at the base of me, lost in my pubes. God, Sylvain, I want this all the time. Please, suck my cock whenever you… whenever you want…”

“Dima, I don’t think I’ll be able to go back to not putting this in my mouth whenever I see it.”

“And I… I want to suck you too… Just like you’re doing now, I want my face in your pubes, your big cock rammed down my throat, your balls slapping into my face as you fuck my mouth. Please, Sylvain, I need to taste you soon.”

“Soon, love. But today is all about you.”

Sylvain went back to lapping at Dimitri’s balls, sucking them into his mouth one at a time. Eventually he was able to get both in. It was at that point that he realized how much he’d been leaking himself, precum stringing back and forth between his legs. He could cum just like this, just from Dimitri’s balls in his mouth, that overpowering scent all around him, Dimitri’s guttural moans in his ears. 

He pulled off Dimitri’s balls slowly.

“Are you ready, love?”

Dimitri nodded wildly.

“Please, Sylvain… Let me cum in your mouth. I want to… want to fill you up.”

Sylvain smiled, getting close to Dimitri’s head, and he looked up.

“Dima, every time you cum, from now on, will be somewhere in or on me. In my hands, in my mouth, in my ass, spraying all over my face and chest…”

“Yes, yes, love, every time, every time I… Sylvain please put me back in your mouth.”

Sylvain did as he was told, getting as far down as he could, before coming back up to focus on Dimitri’s head again. He brought his stabilizing hand up to play with Dimitri’s balls a bit, his other hand returning to stroking him while Sylvain spun circles under Dimitri’s foreskin with his tongue.

“Sylv—I—”

And he was gone. Always, Dimitri came roaring. Loud, deep, reverberating moans. Sylvain thought they must have been able to hear that back at the monastery. In an instant Sylvain was drowning in Dimitri, as he felt shot after shot after shot land on his tongue, filling his mouth with his exquisite taste. Sylvain swallowed it all, greedily, continuing to suck gently on Dimitri’s head. Just when he thought he was done, Sylvain pulled off, afraid of overstimulating Dimitri’s head, only to have Dimitri shoot one last white rope across Sylvain’s face, extending from his chin all the way up to his hair. 

“Dima, I’m sorry, I can’t wait any longer…”

Sylvain got on his knees properly, his hard cock sticking straight in front of him, dripping. He positioned himself right over Dimitri, his cock just a foot above him, and began to furiously stroke himself. 

“I’m not gonna—oh, goddess—”

And Sylvain let out a deep moan of his own as he began to soak Dimitri in his cum. Spraying everywhere, Dimitri’s chest was soon properly covered, and Dimitri lifted his face up just enough so he could get caught in the blast. He opened his mouth, searching for any drop of Sylvain’s cum he could get. Apparently unsatisfied, he got up on his elbows and wrapped his lips around Sylvain’s exploding cockhead, sucking out the last of his release, making Sylvain let out one final groan before collapsing, lightheaded, drunk off of all the tastes and smells surrounding him. Sylvain moved over to lay his head against Dimitri’s abs, getting a good bit of his own cum in his hair. Who cares. 

“Dima, that was… that was amazing. Your cock is… incredible. You taste so fucking incredible. I can’t believe that was just in my mouth. Can I do that again tonight?”

Dimitri nodded slowly. “If we make it back to the monastery, if you didn’t accidentally suck my brain out through my dick, if my heart manages to slow down, then yes, love, we can do that again tonight.”

Sylvain smiled, nuzzling closer into Dimitri. 

“But for now, let’s just lay here a bit longer. I don’t want this day to end. Thank you, Sylvain, for taking me out today. I… I feel a lot better. Can we come back here again?”

“Sure, Dima, but only if you promise to keep leaving your dirty smallclothes around for me to find.” 

They spent the rest of the day together, laying in the sun, going back every once and a while to scream under the waterfall again. Dimitri’s darkness wasn’t gone, but a dim light began to shine that wasn’t there the day before.


	21. Coming Home

They made it back to the monastery by dinner time. It felt like reunion day all over again, with Dimitri stalling out by the main gate, shifting his weight, scared to go in.

“Come on, Dima. Take my hand, okay? I’m not going to leave you.”

“Everyone saw, Sylvain. Everyone saw me running yesterday, crying. Everyone saw you run after me. People are probably thinking… thinking I did something… and they’re right…”

“Dimitri, stop that. Come on, we made a lot of progress today. People will understand. Well, they’ll come close. No one, not even I, can really understand what you’re going through. But we have to be honest with everyone. We’re all here for you, love, not just me.”

Sylvain looked down, smiling, “Okay, maybe me most of all. But I’m serious, Dimitri. We’re going to tell them what happened, minus the Felix bits, and what we’re doing to fix it. Fix each other. And ask for help. That’s what friends do, love.”

Dimitri nodded. 

“Five more minutes. I want to… look at the moon for a bit.”

Dimitri pulled Sylvain a little off the path into the woods. He stopped about twenty paces in, and, just like he said he would, looked up at the moon. Sylvain came and stood next to him, getting as close to the prince as possible, and joined him in his little moment of stargazing. 

“You know, I used to spend a lot of time looking up at the moon. I would wish I was up there, alone on that grey surface. No Edelgard. No war. No nothing. Just silent peace. All I wanted was nothing, and then more nothing. But now I look up at it and wish we could go up there together. Build our life on that faraway rock. I could build you a castle of grey sand. We’d have to find some way to bring along a bed, for sure. Nothing could separate us, up there. No fear number two. Would you go with me, Sylvain, if we could?”

Sylvain thought about it for a moment. “Well, I think my darkness would. It would make me do whatever you wanted, follow you anywhere, without question. But I… I don’t think I would want to go. Our light isn’t being alone together forever, Dima. Yes, we can retreat into each other, and I mean that in a bunch of different ways, but that’s not a life. That’s a repeating cycle that proceeds with no meaning, no challenge, a resignation. No, love, I’d want to stay here. I’d want to fight our fears. Most of all, I want the world to be able to see our love, to share it with our closest friends. Sometimes I just want to climb to the tallest spire at Garreg Mach and shout onto the world how much I love you. Maybe I could do that from the moon, with the whole earth looking up at us, but I think I’d rather do it down here.”

Dimitri squeezed his hand. “I’m starting to get tired of this new wise Sylvain. Didn’t you say, if I wanted to, you’d depart this land with me, never to speak of crowns again?”

Sylvain squeezed in closer, grabbing the prince’s bicep with his free hand. 

“Yeah, I guess I did. Compromise? After we win the war, we spend a year making a life for ourselves in the world we fought to make. If we hate it, if it still makes us too scared, if our darknesses persist, then yes, we can go to the moon. Deal?”

Dimitri kissed the top of Sylvain’s head. “Okay. I’m ready to go back in.”

The guards parted way for them as they reentered the monastery grounds, and they took their time walking up towards the dining hall. As they walked in, a hush fell onto the gathered crowd, but they made their way to a pair of seats at a table with some of the monastery’s merchants. Their friends were gathered at the adjacent table. 

Before they had time to get their butts into their seats, Ingrid and Mercedes had materialized behind them, as if they’d warped there from twenty feet away. 

“Sylvain, dear, can I have your seat? I’d like to talk to Dimitri, if I could.”

Sylvain looked at Dimitri, who had a flash of panic in his eye, who was squeezing his hand.

“I don’t know, Mercie. Dimitri’s not feeling… social right now.”

Ingrid stepped it. “Oh, it’ll only be a second. I need to steal you away anyways, Sylvain.”

Dimitri’s eye widened. “Umm… Ingrid… can it wait?”

“No, Dimitri. It can’t. I need to speak with my friend. Mercedes needs to speak with you. Don’t make a scene you two, Sylvain you know I’ll carry you out of here on my shoulders if I have to.”

Sylvain looked back to Dimitri. “Okay, love, I’m gonna go with Ingrid. It’ll just be a for a minute. Mercedes, can you do something for me?”

“Sure, Sylvain.”

“Can you… hold Dimitri’s hand?”

Dimitri looked up at him, nodding slightly. Mercedes smiled at him.

“Sure, Dimitri. You know what, why don’t I take you on a little walk around the cathedral, hmm? Come on, this is a lot of people, and I think we’ll have a better time if we’re alone.”

Dimitri nodded, getting up. Mercedes took him by the arm, and they were off. Ingrid, more forcefully, grabbed Sylvain’s bicep and dragged him out of the dining hall towards the pond. 

“Spill, Sylvain. What the fuck happened yesterday? Where were you today? Everyone’s been worried sick about you. You think it’s okay to be dead for five years, come back, and then disappear like that? What is wrong with you?!” 

She punched him in the arm. Some things never change. 

“Ingrid, it’s okay, really. We’re okay now. Dimitri… well there’s more going on with him than he’s letting on, that he’s told you about. After his escape, well, things were really hard for him.”

Sylvain told Ingrid everything. Fears one and two. Dimitri’s darkness. His own darkness; the story of his captivity, which he’d only told her in broad, vague strokes so far. He told her about Felix, leaving out some key details, of course. He told her about the training yard, the Sealed Forest. 

“So, I took him away for a day today. I took him to our waterfall… I think it helped him a lot. He does better when… when it’s just the two of us.”

“So you’re just placating his worst impulses with sex?”

Yikes. 

“Umm, no? I mean maybe? Let’s call it a constructive outlet for his… more wild side.”

“Yeah, and what about the training yard? How constructive did that feel?”

“That was a mistake, Ingrid. We were taking it too fast, not thinking about the consequences. We didn’t know what was going to set Dimitri off, or what it would look like when he was set off, or that he even could be set off. I know these things now, I can help him through it. We can’t… we can’t understand what it must have been like for him to have lived in that state for so long, then to switch back to some kind of normal. He’s in a lot of pain, Ingrid, so much pain, and he’s so confused, and… and he needs my help. Our help. But yeah, there’s some help that only I can give him, and I’m going to keep doing that. I’m not afraid of him becoming like that again… It was scary, but he stopped himself before he hurt me. No, I’m afraid that everyone gives up on him, that he never learns how to control that part of him, that we lose him to that darkness forever. I’m not going to lose him again, Ingrid.”

Ingrid sighed. 

“I know I’ll never be able to tell you otherwise, but you need someone to look out for when your own worst impulses start to compliment his. If sometimes you’re not able to stop yourself from doing something you don’t want to do, just so you don’t lose him, well that can turn ugly fast. Abusive. Co-dependent. And you’re going to have a hard time seeing that happening from inside your relationship. So promise me, Sylvain, promise me you’ll talk to me more often. That you’ll be honest with me. I have no interest in separating you two now. I am only concerned about my friends, both of you.” 

Sylvain nodded. “I promise, Ingrid.”

“Oh, and eventually you have to talk to Felix. He’s a wreck. He thinks he ruined your relationship. He… well I saw him cry, so that should tell you all you need to know about how serious this is.” 

“Where is he?”

“He went to bed. Talk to him in the morning, okay?”

Sylvain nodded. “Can we go back in now?”

“Sure, but Mercie’s gonna have Dimitri for a while. They have their own special bond, you know? She’s been thinking for a while about what to say to him. She’s so brilliant, totally saw something like this coming, but, of course, was too optimistic that it wouldn’t. You’re not the only one who can help him, after all.”

Sylvain remembered Dimitri and Mercedes’ late-night talks. Every few weeks they would stay up all night, sitting in the cathedral, talking. Sylvain had seen them there a few times. They were always crying, sometimes holding each other. He never asked him about them, though. It felt like some sacred thing, a bubble in Dimitri’s life he shared with someone else. Sylvain had almost forgotten about it, but now was immensely glad that Mercedes was here. Dimitri needed someone to prove that people were invested in him getting better, beyond Sylvain, and if anyone could do that, it was Mercedes.

“No, no I’m not. Good, I think that’s going to be great for him. Come on, Ingrid. I’m starving. Tell me something about your day. Something boring.”

\-------

After a few hours with his friends, Sylvain was ready to call it a night. He didn’t think Dimitri would be back any time soon, and he realized that he hadn’t had any alone time since all of this stuff went down. He’d kill for a few minutes of silence. 

Sylvain got back to their room, still empty. Should he take his clothes off? There was a part of him that loved the idea of Dimitri coming in, finding him naked in bed. Another part of him that wasn’t sure that was a good idea. Ingrid had made some good points. Annoying points. Super-duper-un-fun points. Fuck it, he thought. Clothes off. 

He got into bed, under their sheet, just to lay there for a bit. He thought about what Ingrid said. She was right, of course, that he needed a friend, an outside observer. Sylvain didn’t like to think about it too much. His darkness… well it made him question his reality, his choices. It made him think this was either all a dream, an elaborate fantasy constructed by a desperate prisoner still locked away in Hubert’s cells, or that everything hung by a thread, Dimitri ready to leave at a moment’s notice, or something like Dimitri goes for a walk and gets struck by an arrow or a rock or a bolt of lightning and he never sees him again. Things like that. His heart races. He knows that he would do anything, anything, to either keep himself from waking up in the real world, or keep Dimitri from being taken from him again. Maybe he needed to talk to Mercedes too. 

After about an hour, though, Dimitri returned. An early night for the two of them, but a welcome sight. Sylvain propped himself up on one elbow so he could face Dimitri as he walked him, sheet slipping down his torso as he did so. 

“Everything okay, Dima?”

Dimitri sighed. “We do not deserve that woman, you know.” 

Sylvain smiled. “Can I ask what you talked about?”

“No, no that’s between us. Can’t break the sacred bond of the cathedral, even if I’m not talking to a nun. What did you and Ingrid talk about?”

“Everything. Well, I spared her some details. But I wanted… needed her to know. She’s going to look out for me, make sure my darkness doesn’t lead me somewhere dangerous, just like how I’m going to look out for you, love.”

Dimitri nodded and proceeded to take off his clothes. Sylvain lifted the sheet and beckoned his naked love to join him in bed, Sylvain immediately clinging to Dimitri’s side once he got in, nuzzling into Dimitri’s shoulder. 

“Thank you, Sylvain, for today. For everything. I’m… I’m so grateful for you, so immeasurably thankful that you’re here with me, helping me.”

“We’re helping each other, love.” Sylvain said, planting a small kiss on Dimitri’s shoulder. 

“No, not like you’re helping me, Sylvain. It’s going to take me a while to get over the… shock… of someone coming back to me, comforting me, after I did something so awful. It’s going to take a while for me to believe you when you say I deserve it.”

Sylvain brought his hand to rest on Dimitri’s pecs, swirling in his chest hair. 

“Sylvain, I… I want to give back to you a little, tonight. Is that okay? I just… I just want you to feel good, so good. I want to show you how grateful I am to you, how today has meant to me. Let me do that for you?”

Sylvain rolled his hips into Dimitri’s thigh. He thought, later, that this probably wasn’t a good idea, that it was too much for one day, but his brain wasn’t firing quite right in the moment. He didn’t want to be responsible. “Yes, Dima, please.”

In an instant, Dimitri rolled over, on top of Sylvain, catching himself with one arm so he didn’t crush the redhead under his broad frame. Already Sylvain’s legs were spread, Dimitri laying between them, their cocks pushed together, as Dimitri leaned down to catch Sylvain in a hard kiss. 

“Sylvain, can I… can I do what you did to me earlier?”

Sylvain nodded, and Dimitri went back to kissing him, now in full, open-mouthed licks. Sylvain lifted his hands to rub against Dimitri’s chest, going up and up over him until he cleared the blonde’s shoulders, resting his hands above his head.

“Dima, can you… can you hold me down again, like you did earlier?”

Dimitri smiled and complied, pinning Sylvain down by the wrists, breaking the kiss for a moment to look down at Sylvain’s exposed armpits. He began kissing at Sylvain’s neck, moving slowly down until he was pressed into Sylvain’s dark red armpit hair, his kisses becoming broad licks. Sylvain didn’t realize until now that Dimitri’s tongue was huge, wide and flat, as if everything about the prince had to be either as broad as his shoulders or as fat as his cock. Sylvain’s deep breaths were becoming moans, growing deeper as Dimitri took in Sylvain’s smell, his taste. They were both hard by now, Sylvain already leaking all over Dimitri’s cock. Dimitri took one hand away from Sylvain’s wrists and wrapped it around Sylvain’s cock, giving him a light stroke, pulling his foreskin back and up once. Sylvain let out a soft whimper. 

Breathless, he said, “Yes, Dima, I fucking love it when you eat out my pits, when you’re huge fucking hands are on my cock. Play with my head a bit, please…”

Dimitri did as he was told, rolling Sylvain’s foreskin around between his thumb and forefinger. After a minute of that he brought his fingers up, smearing Sylvain’s precum into his pit, and began to gently lick it off of him.

“Dima that was so hot. Oh my goddess. I… how did you even think of that… you’re brilliant.”

Dimitri looked up and him and smiled. 

“Time for the rest, love?”

Sylvain nodded. “Yes, please Dimitri, please, suck my cock.”

Dimitri’s journey down Sylvain’s body was torturously slow, giving Dimitri enough time to drink Sylvain in as he approached his crotch. Once at his destination, Dimitri buried his nose in Sylvain’s pubes, taking Sylvain’s cock and pressing it against the side of his face. He began kissing at Sylvain’s base, continuing his small teasing motions at Sylvain’s head. 

“Sylvain, you smell so fucking good… How does this feel, love? Your cock against my face, in my hands?”

“Dima please, stop teasing me and—”

Before Sylvain could finish, Dimitri began to lick up the underside of his cock, slowly moving up Sylvain’s length until his head rested on Dimitri’s tongue. Without taking it all in, Dimitri began to move his tongue slowly around Sylvain’s head, continuing to move Sylvain’s foreskin up and down, slowly collecting all the precum that had gathered there with his tongue. Sylvain kept dripping more, though. He was so turned on, his cock so sensitive, almost leaking as much as he had earlier while his mouth was around Dimitri’s cock. 

When Dimitri had his fill of lapping at Sylvain’s head, he began to suck his cock in earnest, slowly moving his mouth down. Sylvain had to stifle a shout. Dimitri was able to get almost his entire hard cock in his mouth, down his throat, on his first pass. Sylvain, feverish, eyes fixed on Dimitri’s nose brushing into his pubes, thought that yes, there was a goddess, and for some reason she decided to strip this beautiful blonde specimen of his gag reflex. 

Dimitri started bobbing his head up and down Sylvain’s shaft, licking the underside of Sylvain’s cock as he went. After settling into a rhythm, he started speeding up, causing Sylvain to grip this sheets as he choked out whimpering moans. This pleasure wasn’t the kind of punctuated, slow peaks and valleys of their usual, methodical, beautifully torturous lovemaking. This was fast, constant pleasure, Dimitri’s mouth white-hot against Sylvain’s cock, leaving the redhead squirming, arching his back off the bed and then pushing his cock deeper into Dimitri’s throat.

Dimitri, ever cruel, sensed Sylvain’s stimulation and slowed down, eventually just focusing back on Sylvain’s head, using his hand to slowly stroke Sylvain’s cock just enough to pull and push his foreskin up and down his head. 

“Dima, that was so… so intense… No one has ever been able to take that much of me in their mouth… how did you… how did you learn to do that??”

“I just wanted it, love. I wanted to take as much of you in as I could, to cover your whole length with my mouth, and I did it. Well, most of it. You’re so big, Sylvain. I love how it feels when you fill me up. I… I can’t wait to ride your cock.”

That makes two of us, love, Sylvain thought, but was much too overwhelmed to say out loud. 

“Sylvain I want to… try something new. Is that okay?”

Sylvain nodded, “Yes, Dimitri, whatever you want… just don’t stop.”

Dimitri smiled. “I’ve been wanting to do this for so long, Sylvain. I’m so excited…”

Sylvain wasn’t sure what Dimitri meant, but he saw the prince duck his head down to start licking Sylvain’s balls, gently sucking on each of them. Sylvain forgot where he was for a second. Dimitri stayed there for a minute, focusing on Sylvain’s balls, while his hands snuck underneath Sylvain’s thighs, slowly extending them out until Sylvain’s knees were on Dimitri’s shoulders.

“Oh, goddess, Dima, no way, are you going to—”

Dimitri threw Sylvain’s legs up in the air, lifting his lower half in the air with his hands on Sylvain’s ass, propped up on his elbows. Dimitri got him into this position and, in the same motion, brought his face down to Sylvain’s lifted ass, his tongue licking a wet stripe against Sylvain’s exposed hole. 

Sylvain had to screw his eyes shut, his toes curling by his head, ears ringing, as he let out a long, deep moan. 

“Sothis’ tits, Dima, I can’t believe you’re eating me out right now… Goddess that feels so fucking good, holy fuck, no one’s ever done this to me before… keep going please please do not stop.”

Sylvain could feel Dimitri smile against his hole, cheekbones lifting enough so that his very light facial hair scraped against Sylvain’s bare, hairless ass. Sylvain was moaning in heaves at this point, barely having enough time to breathe in between Dimitri’s swipes. After a few minutes, Sylvain’s hole relaxed enough for Dimitri to start to get his tongue in deeper, prodding and licking at Sylvain’s sensitive insides. In between licks, he managed to get out a few words. He couldn’t help talking during sex, even with his mouth full. 

“Goddess, Sylvain I can’t believe how good you taste. So fucking good. Your ass is just amazing. So thick, so strong, but still so soft. I can’t believe I get to fuck this ass, one day. Sylvain you have no idea… I’m going to spend all morning opening you up with my tongue, making you come apart beneath me, bringing you to the edge, just like you are now, and then I’m going to fucking rail you all afternoon, just pound you for hours and hours until we’ve both run out of cum, and then we’ll keep going. And the next day you’re going to do all of that to me. I’m so fucking hard, Sylvain, I’ve never leaked so much in my fucking life. I could cum just from this, nothing has ever turned me on as much as your ass on my tongue. I have to… goddess, please, Sylvain, can you sit on my face?”

“Fuck, Dima, yes, yes I can.”

Dimitri laid back on the bed from his position between Sylvain’s legs, lowering his ass to the bed in the process. Sylvain’s whole body was vibrating gelatin, and though he agreed to Dimitri’s request, he wasn’t totally sure he’d be able to hold himself upright, especially with Dimitri’s tongue in his hole. After he took a beat to collect himself, Sylvain was able to lift his torso off the bed, swinging up and getting to his knees. From there, he crawled over to where Dimitri’s head laid near the foot of their bed. Dimitri’s face was slick with saliva and sweat, his hair matted to his forehead. Sylvain swung one leg over Dimitri, straddling his face, and slowly lowered himself down. 

Instead of going right for Sylvain’s hole again, Dimitri licked wide circles around it, pausing occasionally to bite into the meat of Sylvain’s thick ass. He left marks, Sylvain was sure of it. Soon, though, Sylvain was done being teased, and he lowered himself onto Dimitri’s face fully. Having gotten the message, Dimitri resumed his strong, rhythmic licking, his side-to-side swipes, his gentle prodding into Sylvain’s most intimate spot. Sylvain began to move his hips forward and back in time with Dimitri’s ministrations, riding Dimitri’s tongue. 

All the while Sylvain’s hands had been on Dimitri’s abs, searching for some kind of stability. In front of him was Dimitri’s cock, rock hard and sticking straight out, tip flushed and oozing precum. He was so hard his foreskin pulled back on its own. Sylvain couldn’t wrap his head around what to do with it, couldn’t think of anything creative or teasing while Dimitri’s face was in his ass, so he just leaned over and shoved as much of Dimitri’s cock in his mouth as he could, eyes almost crossing as he did. Dimitri stirred beneath him, both men offering their own muffled moans. 

Dimitri fit his hand between his chest and Sylvain’s, now almost pressed together, making enough space for himself to grab onto Sylvain’s cock. He held his hand steady, and Sylvain fucked into Dimitri’s hand as he moved his hips back and forth on Dimitri’s tongue, the sensitive underside of his cock coming to rub up against the cleft of Dimitri’s pecs with each thrust.

“Dima, you can’t… stop touching me like that unless… oh goddess fuck me it’s too late I’m coming I’m coming FUCK”

Sylvain was still thrown forward, Dimitri’s cock pressed into the side of his face, as he exploded between their chests. With his last functioning brain cell, as he was emptying onto Dimitri in hard, fast sprays of cum, Sylvain was able to raise his head just enough to put Dimitri’s cock back into his mouth. Apparently, that was enough to throw Dimitri over the edge, and he began to shoot into Sylvain’s mouth, carrying on with a desperate whimper, muffled slightly by Sylvain’s ass still pressed into his face. Sylvain was more patient this time, swallowing every drop of Dimitri’s cum. After he was done, Sylvain collapsed on top of Dimitri before rolling off to the side. They both laid there, catching their breath, until Sylvain let out a small laugh. 

“I can’t believe that just happened. Goddess, Dima, that was the best sex I’ve ever had. I knew it was going to feel good to get eaten out, but fuck, that was so much more intense than I expected.”

Dimitri propped himself up on his elbows and looked over at Sylvain, slowly wiping his face on the back of his hand. 

“I don’t think I can string words together right now, Sylvain. I… I loved that. My whole body is vibrating.”

Sylvain smiled and looked up at the ceiling. How was this his life? Blah blah blah sex makes healing complicated blah blah blah. Maybe they should go to the moon and just fuck until they ran out of air. Sylvain gathered his strength and lifted himself up off the bed, pivoting around so he was back face-to-face with Dimitri, and slowly slid back on top of him, rubbing in the voluminous load Sylvain had shot onto Dimitri’s chest. Dimitri gave a crooked smile and a squinty look.

“We’re going to ruin these sheets, love, if you keep that up.”

“I could not possibly care less. I want to lay here forever, both of us covered in each other’s cum. The only way we’re allowed to clean off is with each other’s mouths, deal?”

Dimitri lifted up and caught Sylvain’s mouth. Breaking away, he smiled. “Deal. Let’s go to sleep, love. I can barely stay conscious after all of that.”

Sylvain nodded drowsily, sliding off Dimitri to curl up into his side, his head on Dimitri’s shoulder. 

“Sylvain?”

“Yes, love?”

“Thank you… for everything today. I don’t… I don’t know what I did to deserve this… you… everything. I’m still… I’m still waiting to wake up, still expecting all of this to turn out to have been a dream.” 

“It’s real, love. I promise.”

They laid there in silence for a few minutes, getting closer to sleep. Before they slipped off, Dimitri whispered in Sylvain’s ear. 

“Love, I just want you to know, that I know, that you’re not going to leave. I’m not going to leave you either. You said yesterday that you needed to make sure I knew that. I know. I really, really know. And if you want to shower me with love and goodness and all that, I’ll accept it gratefully, but I want to do that for you too. I want to… I will… overcome everything, anything this world throws at me, so I can do that. We will have that future you imagined. I promise.”

Sylvain pulled him in tighter, nuzzling harder into Dimitri’s shoulder. Like other promises Dimitri’s made, Sylvain knew this was going to be hard to keep. But he loved Dimitri more than ever in this moment. Feeling lighter than he had in years, Sylvain gave in to sleep, his body stuck beautifully to his lover’s side.


	22. Surprise

The next two weeks passed without much incident, thankfully. The morning after their waterfall day, Sylvain went to go check in on Felix. He was definitely upset but, like Ingrid, was more concerned for Sylvain than for himself. He promised Sylvain to watch out for him, going the extra step of promising to do horrible things to Dimitri if he ever hurt Sylvain. Sylvain tried to walk him back, but Felix, well, it’s not always easy to talk hm out of violence. 

The war effort was continuing apace. Allies continued to pour in, even some elite troops from House Daphnel in the alliance. Intelligence missions continued to inform the resistance to the goings-on in the Empire and former Kingdom. Two days earlier, the resistance army had recaptured the Great Bridge of Myrddin, a major victory, allowing them basically unrestricted access to Empire territory. 

The resistance remained camped out at the bridge, making plans for the bridge’s defense and planning for next steps. There was a small town at the mouth of the bridge, nothing more than a few inns and market stalls, but enough to supply the resistance leaders with the opportunity to take a night off and celebrate. While Sylvain would never miss a party, getting Dimitri to come out with them was a bit of a struggle. The prince simply did not believe that people wanted him there, and was scandalized by the suggestion that he be allowed to have fun. 

“Dimitri, you and I have fun all the time! As I recall, at least every night, and most mornings.”

Dimitri shot him an annoyed look.

“Sylvain that is not the same. That’s not ‘fun,’ that’s intimacy. That’s love. Yes, it is ‘fun,’ but this is different. Besides, I promise you that everyone will be happier without me there. I… I know everyone treats me with kid gloves… walks on eggshells when I’m around. That’s not fair. They deserve to celebrate their victory.” 

The two were busy moving around their tent, slowly preparing for their departure tomorrow while Sylvain was getting ready for the celebration. He went over to Dimitri, where he was folding some clothes, and hugged him from behind. 

“Dimitri, I’m not one to complain about you being thick, but I’m starting to get frustrated with your inability to comprehend what I’m saying. You’re stuck in confirmation bias. You see averted eyes and tense spines everywhere and you think it’s all about you. Maybe folks have been on edge around you because, I don’t know, we’re fighting a war? Have you considered the possibility that people’s anxiety has absolutely nothing to do with you?”

Dimitri sighed. “Your verging on mean, Sylvain, but you might be right. Really, it’s not about them. I just… being around people who aren’t you is confusing, hard, I don’t like it.” 

“Dima, do you trust me?”

Dimitri nodded. 

“Good. Then I’m going to insist you join us. I’ll hold your hand the entire time. If it gets too much for you, we can leave. But you need practice being in the world. This is a lightness test, and you’re going to pass. And, when we get back here tonight, well, I have a surprise for you.”

Dimitri spun around in Sylvain’s arms, catching his chin in his hands. “Oh? A surprise? Can’t get a hint? You know you shouldn’t really be surprising traumatized people.” 

Sylvain smiled, lifting up on his toes to meet Dimitri’s mouth with his own. “Nope. All mystery. Consider it another part of your test. Now, finish getting ready, I told Ingrid we’d be at the inn by now.” 

\-------

Their entire class was there, yelling and singing and cheering, a spectacular sight. The innkeepers were keeping the ale flowing, happy to provide some small reward to the forces that had freed them from the Empire’s clutches. Annette and Ferdinand sat in a corner, having some serious, belch-punctuated conversation surrounded by dozens of empty tankards. Petra and Dorothea were leading one corner of the inn in some Brigid fight song. Ashe and Caspar were pressed into a corner, furiously making out. Mercedes and the professor were up with the innkeeper, laughing riotously at some yarn the man was spinning. Ingrid and Felix were arm wrestling at a table in the middle of the room, and they beckoned Dimitri and Sylvain over when they saw them come in. 

Sylvain had to shout over the noise. “This is a great party! What did we miss?” 

“Well Petra’s already punched out two burly soldiers for getting too close to Dorothea, someone asked if Ferdinand was Annette’s father, and Mercedes has been casting some spell on people so they can keep drinking without getting a hangover tomorrow. And Felix just can’t seem to fight back against my arm! Want to go another round, Fe?”

Felix shook his head. “Enough embarrassment for one night, I’d say. How goes defense preparation, Dimitri?”

Sylvain squeezed Dimitri’s hand under the table. To his knowledge, this is the first time that Dimitri and Felix had spoken to one another since the training yard incident. This was going to be a make-or-break moment. 

“Well, Felix, it would go better if you would join us tomorrow for a final discussion. You have a, well, creative military mind, I’m sure you could point out some things we’re overlooking.”

What? Did he just? Phew. 

“Umm, sure, Dimitri, I’d be happy to. Let me… let me go get you two some drinks, you need to catch up.”

Dimitri whispered in Sylvain’s ear. “Was that weird? Was he being weird is that just me?”

“Well, love, I think you just caught him off guard. I don’t think he was expecting you to be so… complimentary.” 

“I see. But I didn’t do something bad, did I?”

“No, love. You’re doing great. Well on your way to earning that surprise.”

Ingrid gave Sylvain’s shoulder a little shove. “You know, if you two just wanted to whisper sweet nothings into each other’s ears, you could have just stayed home! Now which one of you thinks you can beat me at arm wrestling? Dima?”

Sylvain slapped Dimitri’s back. “Yes, love, please, I need to see Ingrid wipe the floor with you.”

The night proceeded with a series of shocking events, one right after another. Dimitri beat Ingrid. When Felix returned with their drinks Dimitri challenged him and won. It was odd seeing Dimitri and Felix make any kind of physical contact, but they didn’t seem to be bothered. It was almost like they were back in their teenage years, sneaking off to get drunk with the nights in the royal guard. After a while Dimitri even got up on his own and started talking to people, without Sylvain there with him. He shared some laughs with Mercedes and the professor. He talked to Annette and Ferdinand long enough to be there when Ferdinand puked into his tankard, he and Annette falling to the floor in laughter.

After making his rounds, Dimitri came and grabbed Sylvain by the shoulders, dragging him over to where Dorothea and Petra were still leading a crowd of drunk singing and dancing. Dimitri, the broody, imposing, statue of a man, wanted to dance. And he wanted to dance with Sylvain. The two joined in the revelry, downing a few more tankards of ale apiece, Dimitri smiling all the while. Singing even! Sylvain didn’t even think he could remember Dimitri ever singing before the war. Or dancing! Soon Sylvain couldn’t take it, seeing Dimitri so happy. He thought sweaty-angry Dimitri was sexy. Smiley dancing Dimitri was something entirely new, radiant, alluring. Sylvain needed to be alone with his happy prince right now. 

He whispered in Dimitri’s ear. “Okay, you earned your surprise. Take me back to our tent?”

“You sure? Everyone’s still going!” 

Sylvain nodded hard. “Dimitri, I need to rip your clothes off, right now, okay? I’ll do it here if I have to.”

Dimitri smiled down at him, winking. “Okay, love, let’s go.” 

They said their goodbyes quickly and left the inn. As soon as they got to the path back to their tent, Sylvain spun around and threw himself at Dimitri, locking him into a heavy, intense kiss. To Sylvain’s dick’s delight, Dimitri hunched down and pulled Sylvain up by the thighs and started carrying him to their tent. Sylvain wrapped his legs around Dimitri’s slim waist and continued his assault on Dimitri’s open mouth. Dimitri carried him with seeming ease. Sylvain was not a small person, did not think he would necessarily be so turned on by feeling so small in Dimitri’s arms, but nonetheless the blonde’s raw strength was a major turn on, and Sylvain had leaked a spot of precum through his pants by the time Dimitri carried them into their tent. 

Dimitri put Sylvain down, and the two began a furious mutual disrobing. Shirts were torn, buttons flying everywhere. Pants were tripped over. Eventually they were both standing in their tent, hard cocks pressed between them, as they continued to make out, hands roaming all over each other’s body. Eventually, Sylvain pulled away. 

“Okay, are you ready for your surprise?”

Dimitri nodded, already breathing heavy. 

“Go lay down on the bed, I’ll be right there.”

Dimitri went to lay down while Sylvain rummaged through one of his bags. After a minute, Sylvain came over to the bed, straddling Dimitri, holding something behind his back. 

“Dima, do you trust me?”

Dimitri nodded. Sylvain revealed a few strips of black fabric. Dimitri looked confused. Sylvain got off the bed and walked around to the head. It was a simple camp bed, but it did have two wooden posts, one in each corner. Sylvain tied a piece of fabric to each. Dimitri understood.

“Goddess, Sylvain, really?”

Sylvain nodded, tying one of Dimitri’s wrists in each strap. Dimitri was secured, his arms out to his sides and up at a slight angle. 

“Nothing for my legs?”

“No, love, I need to be able to move those.”

Sylvain got back on top of Dimitri, straddling him a little further up his chest. 

“Sylvain, your cock, it’s so close to my mouth, please, put it in?”

Sylvain shook his head, instead moving further up the prince’s chest until his cock was laying flat against Dimitri’s face. Dimitri stuck out his tongue, hoping to just get a lick of Sylvain’s cock. Sylvain pulled back enough to smear his head across Dimitri’s tongue, rolling his foreskin back and forth so as to feed Dimitri all the precum he had. But then he moved up more, replacing his cock on Dimitri’s tongue with his balls. Dimitri took them both into his mouth, greedily, taking in deep inhales and giving off little moans. Sylvain felt amazing, shoving his balls in the restrained prince’s mouth. He turned back for a second to tweak at one of Dimitri’s nipples. His cock continued to bounce on Dimitri’s face, flicking drops of precum into his blonde hair. 

Dimitri had managed to slide himself down the bed a little bit, letting Sylvain’s balls fall of his mouth to drag along his face, licking down Sylvain’s perineum as he went. Sylvain hadn’t planned for this, but lost all interest in plans when the prince’s tongue made contact with his hole. Sylvain wasn’t sure how Dimitri was breathing with his mouth on his hole and his nose in his balls, but again, Sylvain had trouble thinking of logistical concerns. Dimitri would tell him if he couldn’t breathe. Sylvain started rocking back and forth, riding Dimitri’s face a bit, happily smothering his lover with his ass. Dimitri was fine. Sylvain looked back to see Dimitri’s leaking cock moving up and down, Dimitri trying to fuck the air, desperate for any kind of friction. Sylvain thought this was getting a little intense too quickly, the prince’s hard, frantic laps at his hole starting to build that feeling, starting to make his hands shake. 

Sylvain slowly moved himself back down Dimitri’s torso, giving the prince a chance to catch his breath. Dimitri heaved, moaning as if he was being eaten out himself.

“Sylvain please go back. I… I wasn’t done I… I need to taste more of you.”

Sylvain shook his head. “I love how hungry you are for my hole, Dima. You ate me out this morning, and you still can’t get enough. Who am I kidding, I can’t either. Your tongue makes me feel so good, Dima. You haven’t shaved in a few days and the burn from your beard is, fuck, it feels amazing rubbing against my ass. But no, maybe you can have another taste later, love. I have more surprises.” 

Sylvain got up from the bed and went around to the posts, untying the knots there. Dimitri went to protest, but Sylvain stopped him, asking him instead to cross his arms in front of his chest. Dimitri did so, and Sylvain tied the fabric back around the post. 

“Now, Dima, turn over.”

Dimitri started turning around, but stopped for a second.

“Sylvain, can you move my dick so its pressed up against my stomach? I can’t really do it myself.” He smiled. Sylvain helped him out, holding Dimitri’s monster as he finished rolling over onto his stomach. 

“Good boy.”

Sylvain came back to straddle Dimitri, his cock pressed into the cleft of Dimitri’s ass. He began to roll his hips slightly, gently stroking himself against Dimitri. His hands began to rub all over Dimitri’s back, tracing the muscles that spread out across the prince’s broad back. After a few minutes of this, Sylvain noticed some of his precum had dripped onto the small of Dimitri’s back. He moved back so he could lick it off. 

“Dima, I want you to come up on your knees, okay?”

“Goddess, Sylvain… what are you doing?”

“Just trust me, love. I’m not going to take us too far.”

Dimitri pulled his knees in slowly. Eventually his ass struck right up into the air, leading down into Dimitri’s arched back. Sylvain stood behind him, for a second forgetting what he was supposed to be doing. Dimitri had, and this was well-known, a singularly gorgeous ass. Whereas Sylvain was more muscular, more compact, Dimitri’s ass was thick, fat, just like his cock. Sylvain was pretty hairless, while Dimitri’s ass was covered in that beautiful body hair. It was lighter on his cheeks, a dusting of blonde hairs you could really only see in the light. But, and this was Sylvain’s favorite part, Dimitri’s hair turned a darker blonde inside his crack. He still wasn’t that hairy, but there was enough there to notice, especially as it contrasted against Dimitri’s pale-white skin and whorled around his beautiful pink hole. 

“Enjoying the view, love? You’ve seen my ass before, why so transfixed?”

Shaking out of his locked eye contact with Dimitri’s hole, Sylvain laughed. “That’s hysterical, Dima. I can’t think of any reason why anyone, regardless of gender or interest, wouldn’t get struck speechless by the sight of your perfect ass. I see people checking you out all the time. But no one gets to see you like this. Dima, I’m the only one who’s ever seen your hole, right?”

Dimitri nodded.

“Do you remember the first time I saw it?” Sylvain had gotten back on the bed now, kneeling behind Sylvain, his cock coming to rest against Dimitri’s raised ass. 

Dimitri nodded again. “When I… when I was teasing you that day… the day I left you my smallclothes.”

“That’s right. I knew it would be a sight, Dima, a beautiful thing I was blessed to see. But it was so much better than I expected. And touching it,” Sylvain brought his hands to cup Dimitri’s ass, “is another story altogether. So soft. So thick. I can extend my whole hand and not even come close to getting all of each cheek, Dima. And all this hair…”

Sylvain rubbed his hands along Dimitri’s cheeks, moving inward, eventually running one finger down Dimitri’s crack, swiping once against his hole. Dimitri gasped. Dimitri began rocking his hips, finding some friction for the head of his cock on the mattress. Even though he sat with his hips raised, his cock easily reached the mattress. 

“Sylvain, please, I’ve been waiting for this for so long I… Goddess just you looking at my hole, Sylvain, just you seeing it, my whole body is on fire.”

“What do you want me to do, Dima?”

“Please, Sylvain, please eat me out. Bury your face in my ass, let me fuck back against your tongue, please.”

Sylvain was silent for a few moments, just letting his finger ghost small circles around Dimitri’s hole. 

“Fuck Sylvain just tell me if you’re not going to do it you can’t just leave me like this. I need it, please, I was so good, I did everything you asked me to.”

Sylvain brought his face down to Dimitri’s ass, and, while still lightly fingering his hole, bit into Dimitri’s thick cheeks.

“Yes, you have been good, love,” Sylvain purred. “Are you leaking into the sheets? Are you going to howl when I lick at your hole? Are you going to wake up the whole camp, screaming about my face in your ass. I want you to let everyone know how good I make you feel, how our big prince Dima comes apart under me.”

“Yes, yes please, Sylvain. Whatever you want…”

“I love this, Dima. You’ve been so dominant with me all this time, and I can see why. It’s so fun. It’s fucking hot, watching you squirm, begging for me to do something so simple, so small, as to run my tongue against your hole. What if I just did it once? Would you still scream for me?”

Dimitri was shaking now, nodding his head. 

“Good boy. But I’m not going to do that. I’m going to eat you out for as long as I can, slowly, and you’re going to cum without touching your cock. I’ll stay at this all night if I have to.” 

“Sylvain, it’s not going to take all night. It’s going to take all of five seconds, no matter how slow you go.”

“We’ll see about that, love.” 

And with that, Sylvain brought his face down to lick all the way up from Dimitri’s hanging balls to his hole. The second he made contact, Dimitri started grinding his hips back into Sylvain’s face, letting out little whimpers in between deep breaths. Sylvain began with soft licks, sometimes barely touching Dimitri. Soon, though, his efforts grew more intense, still licking long, lazy stipes across Dimitri’s hole, but pressing harder, probing deeper. When Sylvain changed from using the wide part of his tongue to the tip, Dimitri went crazy, bucking back into him as hard as he could, his moaning growing louder, punctuated by breathless pleas for Sylvain to please keep going, please don’t stop, please lick harder, deeper, faster.

All the while, Sylvain was gently stroking himself, teasing his head and balls while he continued to work Dimitri’s hole. Sylvain eventually took some of his precum with one finger and smeared it over Dimitri’s hole. Dimitri could tell something had changed, Sylvain’s workings becoming slicker, softer for a moment. 

Dimitri slowly regained the ability to speak, which thrilled Sylvain. As much as he loved Dimitri’s wild abandon, he wanted him to throw in a bit of his classic dirty talk for good measure. 

“Sylvain what did you just do? Whatever that was it felt really good…”

“I put a little precum on your hole, love, and now I’m licking it off of you. You taste so fucking good, better than I ever dreamed. Dima, your ass… I feel like I was put on this earth to just lay under you and eat you out. I can’t wait for you to sit on my face next time.”

“Goddess, Sylvain… I thought… I thought I was going to like doing this to you more than having it done to me, but I was wrong. I was so wrong. This is… this is one of the most pleasurable experiences of my life. I can’t… I can’t believe all this feeling is just coming from your tongue on my hole. It’s… fuck me… it’s insanity. I… I can barely talk, barely think. Look at my cock, love, look how much I’m fucking leaking.”

Sylvain did, and confirmed what Dimitri said. It was a lot of precum, for him, more than the first time he’d eaten out Sylvain. Sylvain went back to eating Dimitri out, but with one hand went down to grab Dimitri’s cock. His fingers traveled to Dimitri’s tip, where he teased his foreskin a bit, stretching him just enough to get a finger under and spread his precum around his head. Dimitri buried his face in the mattress to stifle a roar. 

“Sylvain please, don’t do that. Don’t touch my cock, fuck, I’ll… I’ll cum, and I don’t want… not ready…”

Sylvain had never seen Dimitri this blissed-out. He was right, he could barely talk. Everything was breathy, missing that hard, dominating edge Dimitri usually held onto during their lovemaking. His moans sounded more desperate, less deep animal groans and more quiet begging. Sylvain loved it. This was a new side to Dimitri, and Sylvain was relishing the opportunity to make the prince come undone like this. He took his hands and used them to spread Dimitri’s cheeks wider, letting his tongue lick in deeper. Dimitri’s hips started trembling, another stifled roar. 

“Yes, Sylvain, fuck. Deeper, please, you’re almost… goddess you’re so close to something… when I push back against you I… it feels like I’m about to cum each time… Sylvain is this what it feels like for you too? When I eat you out?”

Sylvain nodded against Dimitri’s ass. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck… don’t stop. FUCK what is that, Sylvain. You just did it again. Holy fuck.”

Dimitri was getting more amped. Whatever Sylvain was doing, it was hitting the right nerve. 

“You love this, Dima? You love opening yourself up to me like this? Me spreading your ass, licking up into you? You keep clenching down a bit on my tongue, Dima. You know what that makes me think about?”

“Yes, Sylvain, but please, please tell me. FUCK, you just did it again.” 

“It’s making me think about how good it’s going to feel, the first time I get to fuck you. I think about it all the time, Dima, all the fucking time. I’ve been so close… so hard right up against your hole while we slept, while we laid in bed together. Fuck, you want it, don’t you? You’re going to take me so well, love. I just can’t… can’t wait to slide into you, your ass squeezing around me as I pound into you, balls slapping against you, cushioned by this beautiful fat ass. Do you want that, Dima? Do you want me to rail you like that? Do you want to ride me, feel me fill you up with my cum?”

Dimitri begins nodding furiously, his moans resuming as Sylvain dove back into his hole and continued to stroke his cock, his pace quickening. 

“Yes, yes, yes, Sylvain, please… please I need you to fuck me. I need you to fuck me YESTERDAY. We’ve been so good, so good about taking it slow, and there’s nothing left to explore. It’s… fuck Sylvain your tongue… it’s time for us. When we get back to the monastery, okay? Sylvain promise me you’ll fuck me when we get back. All night. All day. Forever. Fuck, just from your tongue I don’t think I’m going to be able to walk tomorrow, you’re going to fucking ruin me. But I want it so bad, fuck, I need it so bad, Sylvain. I need your big cock in me, pounding into me. I need you to eat your cum out of my ass. Fuck Sylvain I thought I was going to want to fuck you first, I really did, and I still do I still… I still really want to fuck you just as hard as I want you to fuck me… but now, fuck Sylvain, your tongue has turned my world upside down. I can’t hold it in anymore Sylvain I’m going to blow soon, fuck me you’ve barely even touched my—”

All this time, Sylvain felt like his body was on fire. Always, he always felt like that when he had Dimitri under him, on top of him, wherever. But Dimitri’s words set off something new, something hotter. His hand on his cock was a blur. He took one last, long lick at Dimitri’s hole and got up so he could position his cock right at Dimitri’s entrance. As soon as he made contact…

“Fuck Dima, I’m coming, I’m coming, holy FUCK.”

Sylvain began shooting right onto Dimitri’s wet, loose hole. As usual, it was an unstoppable spray, covering Dimitri’s hole and his entire backside in his cum. With this first shot, Sylvain could hear Dimitri below him, breathing heavily through gritted teeth, eventually letting out an anguished roar as he came, untouched, into the mattress. Dimitri’s hands were white, gripping the mattress, tears rolling down his cheeks, continuing to moan louder than he’d ever before as he shot rope after rope into the mattress below him. 

As he caught his breath, Sylvain continued to rub his overstimulated cockhead along the rim of Dimitri’s hole, getting himself slick with his own cum, feeling his foreskin roll against Dimitri’s hole to expose his sensitive underside. When he thought he was going to pass out, Sylvain dove back into Dimitri’s ass, sloppily licking up as much of his cum as he could as Dimitri continued to heave, still moaning loudly, unable to come down from Sylvain’s continued stimulation. Eventually Sylvain collapsed next to Dimitri, lazily planting kisses on Dimitri’s shoulder as he stabilized. 

“That wasn’t a surprise, Sylvain. That was a fucking revelation. My whole world just turned upside down.”

Sylvain sighed deeply, rubbing his hand along Dimitri’s back, still slick from his cum. 

“I’m glad you liked it, love. I can’t believe I just did that. We did that. You’re right, we really have explored all of each other... But there’s still so much for us to do. A whole life together, full of surprises like that. Revelations. That’s such a good word for it, Dima. Every day with you is a revelation.”

Dimitri looked at him, his eye welling up.

“Thank… thank you, Sylvain.” 

“Want me to untie you?”

“Ummm, actually, no. I’d like to… to stay tied up for a little while longer. At least until… ummm, at least until your cum dries.” 

Sylvain could swear he saw Dimitri blush. He was shocked. Dimitri had said the filthiest, most explicit things to him, so comfortable with his budding sexuality, his dominance, and now, finally, Sylvain found him just the slightest bit embarrassed. He loved it. Dirty fucking Dimitri.

“Sure, love. Whatever you want.”


	23. Moon and Sun

Sylvain was not generally an anxious person. Sure, the past five years have been a little rough, and there are all kinds of things to worry about in a war, but no one would characterize his vibe as anywhere near nervous. However, on his ride back from the monastery from the bridge, that all turned upside down, along with this stomach. 

Sex with Dimitri had, until this point, been something Sylvain felt overwhelmingly excited for, desperately excited for. It’s not that he wasn’t excited anymore, of course, but little nagging things kept popping into his head. What if he’s bad at sex with a man (a bad road to follow, considering what happened last time he had that thought)? What if he hurts Dimitri? What if they’re not actually ready for this?

Above all, Sylvain was anxious about making their night special. It’s not like the other times they’ve hooked up were unspecial, of course, but this was different. There was no memory to fall back on here, just pure, virgin territory. Yes, that is the operative word. Sylvain was going to be the first person Dimitri’s slept with, and he again felt the weight of all his past lovers crash around him. But he decided to focus on those things which are the most immediately within his control—making sure Dimitri felt special, loved, cared for, and irreplaceable. Sylvain was kicking himself for not having a standing list of ideas—he knew this was going to happen one day, why wasn’t he better prepared?

“Sylvain are you… okay?”

Sylvain hadn’t realized he’d been staring off into the middle distance, surely distressing Felix, with whom he shared a ride back to the monastery. This was not an ideal choice, but Sylvain needed someone to talk to.

“Fe, if I tell you something, promise to keep it between us?”

Felix looked concerned. “If that bastard did anything to you Sylvain I swear to—”

“No, no, no, that’s not it. It’s a good thing. But I’ve been stressed out about it. Umm… Dimitri and I… well we’re going to have sex for the first time tonight.”

Felix stared at him, mouth open. A rare look, one did not often catch Felix off-guard. 

“You’re telling me that, every night for weeks, all those sounds we’ve heard, all of us kept up every night by you two going at it, going about this war fucking sleepless because none of us want to get in the way of you two precious star-crossed lovers who came back from the dead, that all of that was foreplay?”

Sylvain smiled and shrugged. “I don’t know what to tell you, Fe. We’re… well we can’t help it.” 

“And so you’re doing that tonight? In your room? Okay, I’ll tell the rest of the floor to sleep somewhere else. You’re lucky we have so much extra space right now… So what, what’s the problem?”

“Well I want to make Dimitri feel special, and I’m nervous that I’m going to fuck something up.”

“This is sounding familiar. I’m saying no, by the way, to whatever you’re about to cough up.”

“No, no, goddess, no. I just… Well my first time was unremarkable. Just did it on a whim. Well, full disclosure, I did it because I thought I saw Dimitri holding hands with someone in the courtyard. Nothing special there except a dumb idiot trying to fuck his feelings away. What did you do, the first time you slept with someone you loved?”

Felix was silent for a second. “I… I sparred with them. And… we each told each other about the moment we knew we were in love.”

Sylvain smiled. That was very sweet, for Felix. 

“Yeah we kind of do that all the time. Well I do have one idea, for a gift or something, but it feels dumb. I just… I want it to be perfect. We have this thing, where we try and fix old memories. It can be tricky, but most of the time it’s good. It… well it allows us to turn bad moments into good things, gives us a foundation on which we can build our future. I want to build my life around this moment…”

“Sylvain, you’re putting way too much pressure on yourself. You don’t build a foundation for a life together once and it’s all good. You build it together every day. So, make him feel loved, important, safe, but don’t think tonight is going to change the course of your life for good. That already happened, when he came back.” 

Sylvain nodded. He was right. Still, though, he was going to do his idea. 

“Thanks, Fe.”

\---------  
They returned to the monastery around mid-afternoon, everyone proceeding to unpack supplies and settle in for a relaxing night after a hard-won victory. Sylvain slipped away amidst the unloading, catching Anna before she left for the day. After a quick transaction with her, Sylvain started unloading the last cart, putting on an excellent performance of having been working the entire time. 

After they were settled in, Sylvain and Dimitri ate an early dinner with their friends, each of whom could sense there was something off about the two. Sylvain wasn’t the only one on edge. Eventually everyone filtered out. Dimitri and Sylvain sat together, Dimitri’s hand in Sylvain’s, giving a noticeably constant squeeze. 

“Sylvain, I have an idea. There’s something I want to do… someplace I’d like to go, before we go back to our room. Is that okay?”

Sylvain looked at him, nodding. “Your turn to give me a suprirse?”

Dimitri smiled. “Yes, different than the last one, but I’m not going to tell you anything. We have to move kind of quickly though, so let’s go.”

Dimitri led Sylvain by the hand out of the dining hall, quickly moving towards the cathedral. As they crossed the bridge, Dimitri stopped them, abruptly, spinning around to catch Sylvain’s mouth in a kiss. 

“That wasn’t it, Sylvain, I just really wanted to kiss you just then.”

Sylvain could feel his cheeks heating up.

They got into the cathedral and Dimitri led them into the far right corner, the little alcove with the Four Saints. 

“Dima, I don’t think we should be doing anything in here… not with Indech’s eye’s on us.”

“This isn’t it either, love.”

Dimitri started to feel around on the wall, knocking it to find a hollow panel. To Sylvain’s surprise, he found one which, given a hard push, began to swing inward. Inside, they saw the beginnings of a spiral staircase. 

“What on earth is this?”

“You thought you and Ingrid knew all the secrets of this monastery? The professor showed this one to me years ago. I don’t know why… Come on, we’re going up!”

They began climbing the stairs. It was close quarters, and filthy, so it was a bit slow-going, but soon they came upon an ancient-looking wooden door, which Dimitri opened. 

They were both taken aback a bit by the brightness outside, their eyes almost having been adjusted to the dark stairwell. 

“Come on, love. This is the first thing I wanted to show you.”

They walked through the door and found themselves on the cathedral roof. There was a small path that led around the perimeter of the roof, secured by a stone ledge that came up a little more than waist-height. On the inside of the path was a sharp upward slope, the continuation of the cathedral space. It seemed like they were about three-quarters the way up the structure. 

“Shit, we’re in the wrong place. Hurry, Sylvain, we have to run to the other side.”

They ran, carefully, along the path, turning two corners until eventually they found what Dimitri was looking for—the sunset. 

Sylvain turned and pulled Dimitri into another kiss, grabbing him by his waist and pulling him in tightly. 

“This is the first part, love. I wanted us to come up here and watch the sunset together.”

“Dima this is… breathtaking. The view from up here… I love it.”

“I’ve been waiting to take you up here. I thought we could… come here every year on the anniversary of our reunion. What do you think?”

Sylvain looked at him with a soft face. “Yes, love. Of course we can do that.”

“There’s more, though, that I need to show you. But we need to wait for it to show up, so let’s take it all in for now. I’m glad you like it. This is a special place, but I almost didn’t want to take you up here. Sunsets have a bit of a mixed meaning, right? Beautiful, but always signaling the end of something. That’s not why I brought you up here, of course. Maybe we should have done a sunrise, to symbolize a new beginning…”

“I’d come up here with you in the dead of night, in a snowstorm, whatever. Just being with you, Dimitri, is enough for me.”

Dimitri brushed some of Sylvain’s hair away from his forehead. Sylvain blushed, turning around so Dimitri could wrap his arms around him. They stood there for a few minutes, in a tight embrace, as they waited for the sun to set, Dimitri planting the occasional kiss in Sylvain’s hair. Once darkness fell, the roof was illuminated by a bright, nearly-full moon. 

“Did you want to show me the moon, love?”

Dimitri nodded. “I’ve been thinking a lot about what I said about the moon. About looking up at it when we were apart. I’ve had… a change of heart about it, made a new association. I didn’t bring you up here, Sylvain, because you’re more beautiful than the sunset. I brought you up here because you’re my moon.”

Sylvain smiled, nuzzling his head back into Dimitri’s chest. “What do you mean, love?”

“Well, it’s really simple, actually. You’re my light in the darkness. The one thing that ensures I’ll never be truly lost. Sometimes the darkness grows stronger and light fades, sure, but the light never truly disappears, and you always know, you can always be certain, that the light will return. This is what I want the moon to be for us, Sylvain. Not some half-joke of an escape plot, but a real and enduring symbol of what we are to each other. Well, you’re so much more to me than that… I shouldn’t have said that. I can’t confine you to one symbol, you’re everything to me. Moon and sun, fire and water, earth and sky. But now, when I look up at the moon, that’s what I think. I think that’s my love, that’s what my nights are like, now that we’re together, a persistent light shining down on me, giving me comfort and support and beauty even in the darkest of times. With you I’m never truly lost, never truly alone. All those times I looked up at the moon, well, I was just looking for you.”

Sylvain was silent for a few moments. “That’s so beautiful, love. You know I didn’t see the moon for four years, when I was in Hubert’s cells? I never looked up at the moon, never wished to be whisked away to its surface, didn’t think much about it. But then I got out. I remember the night I escaped Enbarr; it was a full moon, incredibly bright. And soon after that, I got you back. A beam of light pierced the night just in time for me to find you in the darkness. I love you, Dima. I’ll always be your moon.”

Sylvain turned around to kiss Dimitri properly, to hold him tight. Sylvain wasn’t expecting something so, well, perhaps positive from Dimitri? He still had a hard time getting the prince to believe in the reality of the present, in the possibility of a happy future. And here he was, making gushy rooftop metaphors. This was the younger Dimitri, the bright-eyed romantic, shining through. 

“Dima, I have something for you too.” 

Sylvain pulled out a small velvet pouch and handed it to Dimitri, who pulled the drawstrings and emptied its contents into his palm. 

It was a small gold medallion on a thin chain. Etched into one of its faces was a relief of the sun. Dimitri looked back up at him.

“We had similar ideas, love. You… you banish my darkness completely. I told you once, didn’t I, that loving you was like standing in front of the sun? It can be disorienting, sometimes, to take in all that love at once. But there’s no part of me it doesn’t touch, no part of me that isn’t warmed by it. And even though it sets and rises, like the moon, I always know it’s going to come back to me. I got this for you so… so you’d always know what you are to me.”

Sylvain reached around Dimitri’s neck, clasping the necklace behind him. Dimitri was crying now.

“Dima, are you—”

“Am I really a light to you, Sylvain?”

Sylvain turned to face him, and saw Dimitri was crying. 

“Yes, love. The brightest in the sky.”

“I just… My words escape me, Sylvain. Still, I can barely believe we’re here. That you’re saying these things to me. That I could… that I could be the light in anyone’s life.”

Sylvain stood up a bit to kiss him. 

“I wish you would stop saying things like that, Dimitri. But it doesn’t matter what you think, love. The sun doesn’t mean to be a light, but it is all the same. That is its nature, its fate. That is your nature too, Dima. You can’t fight it, there’s nothing you can do about it. You’re the light of my life, and I’ll keep telling you that, every day, every minute, until you believe me.”

“Thank you… Thank you, Sylvain.”

Sylvain kissed him again. He was crying now, too. 

“Dima, do you know what this means? Every moment of our day, wherever we are in the world, we’re underneath a symbol of our love. Joining moon and sun…”

Dimitri pulled him into a tight embrace, kissing the top of his head. Their tears had dried, their hearts were fuller. And they would come back to the roof of the cathedral every year for the rest of their lives, as promised. 

\------------

They made their way back down from the roof, slowly, carefully down the old hidden staircase. They emerged from the tunnel into a vacant cathedral, low candles burning softly in the dark. They walked, hand-in-hand, back to their room. 

They walked into their room in silence. It was clear they were both nervous. Never once, since their reunion, had they been nervous around each other like this. But that night was a night of making commitments, of crossing into new territory, and neither man was going to back down. 

After a beat of thick silence, Dimitri walked over behind Sylvain, who stood by their window. Taking the redhead in his arms, he began to kiss Sylvain’s neck. 

“Do you still want to do this”

Sylvain nodded. “You?”

“I’ve never wanted anything more. All my other hopes and dreams, everything I want to do in this world, I’d give it all up for just one night with you, love.”

Sylvain blushed, turning around to face Dimitri, pulling him into a slow, deep kiss. Sylvain’s arms moved up Dimitri’s chest, unbuttoning his shirt as he went. Once he reached the top, he started pushing Dimitri’s shirt off his shoulders, and Dimitri lowered his arms to let the shirt drop to the floor. Before Dimitri could return the favor, Sylvain pulled them in closer and began running his hands over Dimitri’s back. As his hands traveled lower on the blonde’s body, his hands slipped into Dimitri’s pants, giving him full access to squeeze at Dimitri’s bare ass. Dimitri purred in response, anxiety melting into desire. Dimitri began unbuttoning Sylvain’s shirt as Sylvain got to work on the laces of Dimitri’s pants, and in a moment the prince stood before him, naked. Sylvain had to slow his breath for a moment. Seeing Dimitri like this always made him a bit dizzy. 

“Carry me to the bed, Dima?”

Dimitri nodded, hunching down to grab the outsides of Sylvain’s thighs and hoist him up over his waist. It was a short ride, but Sylvain loved it, and Dimitri saw the redhead’s wide smile as he laid him out on the bed. Dimitri then went to work on Sylvain’s pants, pulling them off him quickly. There were no slow reveals anymore, no taking the time to drink each other in. They’d taken it so slow, indulged in the taking each other apart a piece at a time, but the time for slowness had past. The fires they had stoked each time they took a new step, each time they explored a new part of each other, each time they toed a line but didn’t cross it, were insistent blazes now, forces of nature that threatened to consume them both if swift action was not taken. 

Sylvain laid naked on his back across their bed, looking up at Dimitri as the blonde crawled towards him, eye darting hungrily over Sylvain’s body. Sylvain thought Dimitri was going to come over and nudge his knees open, sliding in between his legs to lay on top of him, but instead Dimitri swung one leg over Sylvain’s abdomen, straddling the redhead above the waist, his hands coming to rest on Sylvain’s pecs. Dimitri caught Sylvain’s eye, and they stayed there a moment, breathing getting heavier. Sylvain loved the pressure of Dimitri on top of him like this, the soft curve of his ass sitting right above his crotch, the coarse hairs of on his legs rubbing up against his sides. Not to mention Dimitri’s cock was right in plain view, it’s head touching briefly against Sylvain’s sternum as it hardened, his balls resting comfortably on his abs. Sylvain rubbed his hands up and down Dimitri’s thighs, watching the prince’s arousal grow in step with his own. Sylvain needed it closer. 

“Dima, move up.”

Dimitri began moving, never breaking eye contact with Sylvain, until he was kneeling with Sylvain’s face directly beneath him. Sylvain gave Dimitri a quick wink before sticking his tongue out to lick once in between Dimitri’s balls. Dimitri shivered once, as if a chill ran down his spine. His legs were already shaking some. Sylvain lifted his head a bit, allowing him to take both of Dimitri’s balls in his mouth at once, slowly swirling his tongue around them. Dimitri began to whimper with that. This is always how it started with him, soft, high tones of pleasure growing steadily into, deep, breathless, body-shaking roars. Sylvain loved hearing that progression, making it happen, experiencing Dimitri’s passion and pleasure along with his own. Sylvain could tell when Dimitri was getting too stimulated too quickly, when he craved a harder touch, when he needed Sylvain to tell him he loved him. 

Sylvain took one hand and used it to grab Dimitri’s cock and press it into his face. From where he sat, Dimitri’s length easily cleared his forehead. It’s not like Sylvain could ever forget Dimitri’s size, but seeing him up close like this was something else, as was feeling it’s weight, it’s thickness, lying on his face, pressing into him. Sylvain used this hand to start stroking Dimitri slowly, while his other hand traveled up and around Dimitri’s thigh, settling on his ass, giving it a light squeeze. His fingers skirted the edge of Dimitri’s crack, playing gently with the prince’s light hair. 

Taking his mouth off of Dimitri’s balls, Sylvain asked, “What do you want me to do, love?”

Dimitri’s face was beginning to redden, his breath beginning to speed up. “Can you… can you rim me?”

Sylvain nodded against Dimitri’s thigh. He moved himself down a bit and lifted his chin enough so his probing tongue could make contact with Dimitri’s hole. Dimitri let out a deep sigh, as if he’d been waiting to ask Sylvain to pleasure him like this, holding himself in anticipation of Sylvain’s tongue against him. Dimitri reached behind himself, spreading his ass to give Sylvain better access, or perhaps just making it easier for him to breathe underneath Dimitri’s bubble. Either way, Sylvain was appreciative. He’d been able to bring his own arms down through Dimitri’s thighs, allowing him to start slowly stroking himself, one hand tugging on his balls, while he continued to eat Dimitri out. 

“Goddess, Sylvain, that feels good. Just keep doing that, yes, fuck, as deep as you can go. Are you getting excited? I can’t believe we’re finally here, you opening me up with your mouth, getting ready to fuck me all night. We’ve both wanted this for so long, been so patient. I think… I think we’re close to making up for our youthful stupidity. Fuck I don’t even know if I let myself fantasize this far, Sylvain. Like… like imagining having sex with you was too much for my brain to handle, either that or my dick would’ve fallen off.” 

Sylvain pulled away just long enough to respond. “Oh, I definitely thought about it. All the time. Especially after you showed me your hole that day. So many times, I pictured myself right here, under you, your ass in my face, getting you ready to ride my cock. And I’d picture it the other way, too. I’ve imagined us fucking in every way I could think of. Do you know how many times I accidentally said your name during sex? It would happen all the time, and I have no idea how I was able to pass it off so easily. I couldn’t help it, you were all that was on my mind.” 

“How does this compare to the fantasy?”

“Well, you’re hairier than I imagined.” 

Dimitri ground his hips harder into Sylvain’s face. Sylvain couldn’t see, but he could tell Dimitri was smiling. 

“No, really.”

“Silly question, love. There’s no way I could have imagined all of you, no way that could have come…” he paused to lick a stripe across Dimitri’s hole, “even close to how you really are. How you taste. How you smell. How you swallowed my cock so easily, buried your face in my ass so hungrily, teased and tortured me to the brink of insanity. Goddess just the sounds you make. Dima, really, that’s one thing I never imagined, just how loud you’d be in bed, how you’d talk to me, how you’d come undone with such thunder. Are you going to get louder when I fuck you?”

“Y… Yes, Sylvain, I think I am.” 

“Are you going to keep talking to me, telling me how much you love my cock in your ass?”

“Mhmmm.”

This was getting him worked up, Sylvain could tell. Dimitri was pressing down more insistently, spreading his ass even wider than he had before. Sylvain struggled to break away from Dimitri’s hole long enough to keep stroking him with his words.

“What would you like to do first, Dima? Ride me, or have me start pounding?”

“I want to… I want to ride you first.” 

Sylvain had to grab his cock hard at that, feeling something coming over him a little too quickly. Sylvain didn’t think Dimitri was quite ready, but he could tell that eating him out was loosening him up. 

“Sylvain could you… could you finger me a bit?”

Sylvain moved back up under Dimitri, going back to sucking on his balls while he brought one of his hands up to Dimitri’s ass. He slowly ghosted around Dimitri’s hole, feeling the prince shudder for a moment above him. Sylvain’s tongue had already done a lot of the work, and when he pressed his finger inside Dimitri he found little resistance. But clearly it had a different impact on Dimitri, who took in a sharp breath when Dimitri first breached him. 

“You okay, Dima?”

“Yeah just… I’ve never done that before… it feels good.”

Sylvain started slowly moving his finger in and out. Usually Sylvain would have used some kind of oil for this, but Dimitri’s hole was still wet from Sylvain eating him out. But before he was about to add a second finger, Sylvain had Dimitri grab a small bottle of oil from his bedside table. It had been sitting there for a few weeks, at the ready in case things quickly escalated. Dimitri bent behind himself to drop a bit of oil on Sylvain’s fingers, and Sylvain proceeded to work two fingers into the prince. They went in easy again, and this time Dimitri gave a small moan instead of a sharp inhale. 

“Dima, I’m going to start stretching you out a bit, okay?” Dimitri nodded, his eye closed, mouth slack. 

Sylvain began by scissoring his fingers a bit. He found more resistance this time, but Sylvain felt like he was making progress with each small separation of his fingers. Dimitri was able to take him in deeper, too, almost down to the knuckle. Sylvain’s hand was in a weird position, but he didn’t care.

“Dima, you’re doing so well. You’re taking my fingers in so quick, but you’re still so tight around them. So soft. Goddess, I’m going to add a third finger soon. Why don’t you try fucking back into me?”

“Okay…”

Dimitri started rocking his hips forward and back, not really riding Sylvain’s fingers, but certainly adding pressure and depth on each rock back into Sylvain’s hand. Slowly, Sylvain added a third finger. Dimitri was tight around him now, but he didn’t seem to be in any discomfort.

“FUCK Sylvain what was that?”

Sylvain had bent his fingers a bit, trying something out that always felt good on him.

“Dima, I… I’m not sure, it’s just something I like to do to myself. How did that feel?”

“I… I don’t know what that was, but it was like my vision went white… Is that… Is that why people like being fucked?”

“I think so, yeah. Why, what did you think?”

Dimitri laughed. “I had no idea. I figured it would keep feeling kind of like it did when you ate me out. I… holy goddess you just did it again. Okay okay I can’t keep doing it like this, it’s going to make me explode. I want to… I want to get on you.”

Dimitri didn’t wait for Sylvain to answer before moving down his body until Sylvain’s hard cock was pressed against his ass. 

“Dima, I love you so much.”

Dimitri put some oil on Sylvain’s cock, stroking him a few times to spread it around and pull back his foreskin. 

“I love you too. Are you ready?”

Sylvain nodded. 

Dimitri lifted himself up a bit, positioning Sylvain’s head at his entrance. Classic Dimitri, he started lowering down on Sylvain’s cock slowly, torturously. Dimitri was breathing heavily, his eye closed shut. 

“I’m okay love, I’m okay, it’s just…. Goddess it’s so much. Fuck you’re so thick Sylvain. But it feels amazing… so good, love. Just let me take my time.”

Sylvain would have liked to have nodded, to have signaled in some way to Dimitri that he’d heard him. But he had almost left his body. Just his head was inside Dimitri, and already he was about to lose his mind. Dimitri was so warm, so tight, inching Sylvain’s cock into him. Sylvain felt like his cock was shooting sparks, like his whole body was vibrating apart and his head was the epicenter. This was it, he thought. This is how I die. His hands were gripping Dimitri’s thighs hard enough to go white. He didn’t even notice Dimitri’s own similar grip on his pecs. Sylvain began to lift his head up towards Dimitri’s slowly, eventually catching Dimitri into a deep kiss as the prince sank all the way down on Sylvain’s cock. Dimitri moaned urgently into his mouth, dragging his nails down Sylvain’s chest. Sylvain broke them apart for a second.

“Dima, I… I can’t believe this feeling… You’re so… I don’t even know. I can’t speak. You feel so incredible around me. Are you okay?”

Dimitri had just opened his eye now, and nodded, punctuated by a heaving moan. 

“FUCK. Fuck fuck fuck. Sylvain you’re not even doing anything to me yet, we’re just starting, and I feel like I’m going to cum already. You’re so big, Sylvain, your cock is just… it’s putting so much pressure on that spot. Give me a second, okay?”

Sylvain took this moment to remove his hands from Dimitri’s thighs and bring them to stroke up and down Dimitri’s arms, still resting against his chest. Sylvain then took the prince’s face in his hands, cupping his cheeks, moving Dimitri to look him in the eye. 

“Dima, Dima I love you so much. I… You feel so incredible around me. I can’t believe I just said that Dima we’ve been waiting so—"

Dimitri pulled him up a bit into another kiss, deep but momentary, before taking ahold of Sylvain’s wrists, pinning them above his head as he pushed Sylvain back into the mattress. 

“I know. I love you too. Okay, I think I’m ready now. Let me hold you down and fuck you.” 

With that Dimitri started moving, a few minutes of slow, cautious ups and downs as he settled into the feeling of it all. Sylvain could feel his trembling thighs brush up against his side growing steadier, the overwhelmed expression on Dimitri’s face slowly changing into a pleased smile. He was getting more comfortable, more confident, building an understanding of how best to control his and Sylvain’s pleasure. He gave Sylvain a wink before starting to pick up speed, going up slowly before coming down hard on Sylvain’s cock.

“Holy fuck Sylvain, the head of your cock just brushed into that spot. I… I need more…”

Dimitri began to ride him in earnest, rocking his hips back and forth as he bounced on Sylvain’s cock. With each upstroke Dimitri clenched his ass, gripping Sylvain’s cock, before relaxing enough to grind his hips back down into Sylvain. 

“Sylvain, tell me how this feels, how your cock feels as it pushes up against that spot, how it feels to have me hold you down and ride you… Fuck every time I come down I’m seeing stars, every time I come up I feel like my insides are on fire.”

Sylvain wasn’t able to answer him, not yet anyways. He was much too preoccupied with what was happening to his body, with Dimitri slowly picking up speed, with the moans escaping his lips that he just could not control even if he wanted to. 

“Speechless, love? Goddess I can’t… believe I can talk right now,” he said with a wide smile, “I’m just on fucking fire right now, Sylvain. I just want… I don’t want you to ever stop. I’ve never felt anything like this. Fuck Sylvain your dick it’s just so… I don’t want it out of me ever. We’re not going to be able to leave our room for a few days, you know that, right?”

Dimitri continued to move faster, bouncing on Sylvain in earnest now. He took his hands off Sylvain’s wrists to straighten up, his hands back on Sylvain’s chest. His eye was screwed shut again and he was biting his lower lip. Sylvain liked him like this, liked that it gave him a better view of Dimitri’s pleasure coursing through his body. His trembling abs, his pecs giving a slight bounce, and, most importantly, his cock moving in rhythm with his hips, dripping, every once and a while coming down with a smack onto Sylvain’s abs. His hands free from Dimitri’s hold, Sylvain began to travel up and down Dimitri’s chest with one hand while his other lightly grasped his cock.

“Sylvain, I don’t know if you should do that, it’s too much… I can’t… please don’t make me cum yet, I’m not ready.”

Sylvain smiled; he had an idea. He took his hands and held them to Dimitri’s waist, steadying his movements. 

“Stop riding me for a sec, Dima. I want to try something.” 

Dimitri nodded with a pained whimper, stopping only to grind down into Sylvain’s crotch, taking him in deeper. 

“Lift up a bit, love.”

Dimitri did, until about half of Sylvain’s dick was out. 

“Now, do you think you could hold yourself here?”

Another nod. “Sylvain what are you—”

“Good, love. Just stay right here, and take one hand off my chest and touch yourself. You can control how close you get, but I want you to feel it all, Dima.”

Sylvain started lifting his hips off the mattress, slowly fucking up into Dimitri. Dimitri let his face soften, and with his eye still closed he raised his head up to the ceiling and smiled wide. 

“Fuck yes, Sylvain, this is perfect. This is exactly what I wanted. I loved riding you but fuck, all I want is for you to just destroy me with your cock. Don’t hold back I want you too… I need you to just take me. You’re cock just keeps… goddess Sylvain keep fucking me, don’t stop.”

Sylvain started to pick up his pace, not taking much time to go from a slow fuck into a more frantic, hungry pace. Dimitri showed no sign of discomfort, he just kept begging Sylvain to keep going, to not stop, to fuck him harder. Sylvain was happy to oblige, slowing down only to keep his own pleasure in check. His eye was still closed, smile still on his face, as he groaned through his exhales. Sylvain had seen Dimitri in the grip of ecstasy before, but this was different. This wasn’t like when they would unravel each other, saturated in their sexual tension, all deep stares, desperate touches, and heavy moans. Dimitri looked happy, like he was having fun. 

“Sylvain, fuck, I haven’t ever felt this… light before. I thought you were just kidding when you said we could… we could fuck our pain away. This… goddess Sylvain your dick is bringing me back to life. I need… I need more. Can you… I want to be on the bottom, I need you too… just fuck me harder, okay?” 

Dimitri sat back until Sylvain was completely seated inside him, grinding into him once, before slowly lifting off of him. He had a more pained look on his face now, the extraction apparently a touch uncomfortable. When he’d come off Sylvain completely, he gave a small whine.

“Fuck I hate that, you not being inside me anymore.” 

“Here love, I can make it a little better.”

Dimitri was on his knees again, and Sylvain was able to slide down the bed a bit, swiftly taking the head of Dimitri’s cock in his mouth. 

“FUCK no no please don’t make me cum yet—”

Sylvain had no intention of doing that, but he couldn’t pass up the chance to clean off Dimitri’s dripping cock. He made a quick pass across the head with his tongue before Dimitri pulled away to lay down on the bed next to him. 

Sylvain rolled over to lay on top of him, catching Dimitri’s face in his hands and kissing him hard. Sylvain ran his hands through Dimitri’s hair, slightly damp with sweat, grabbing onto it gently as he licked into his mouth. Sylvain propped himself up on his arms so he could look down at Dimitri, for the first time noticing how flushed he’d gotten, his normally pale skin a little redder, beads of sweat on his brow and glistening just so on his chest. Watching Dimitri ride him was one thing, but this, looking at him like this while they fucked, was going to be something else entirely. Sylvain was finding his more dominant side now; though content to have had Dimitri run the show to this point, Sylvain could tell the prince was giving in to the pleasure, unable to leverage the strength of his body or his filthy tongue to take command of the situation. Dimitri liked being in charge, but right now, Dimitri just wanted to get railed. Sylvain began by taking a familiar route, pinning Dimitri’s hands above his head as they kissed, breaking only to move down to bite gently at Dimitri’s neck. 

Dimitri was squirming beneath him, spreading his legs to slot Sylvain between, wrapping them around Sylvain’s waist. 

“Please, Sylvain I… I need you inside me again… Please just fuck me I can’t wait like this…”

Sylvain didn’t stop what he was doing; instead he bit down on Dimitri a bit harder than before and brought one hand down to gently grasp his neck. 

“What, Dima? I thought you liked being teased…” 

“Goddess Sylvain I don’t know what I want just… just keep doing what you’re doing, as long as you—”

“Yes, yes, Dima, I know. You just want me to fuck you, right?”

Dimitri nodded, whimpering. Sylvain tightened his grip a little more around Dimitri’s neck and began moving down his chest, leaving little bites along the way. 

“Tell me what you want, Dima, and I’ll give it to you, once I’m done playing with you a little bit.” 

Truth be told, Sylvain wanted to get back to fucking as much as Dimitri did, but he couldn’t pass up the chance to drive the prince a little mad, to build up more of that tension they both craved, and to explore his dominance a bit more. 

“I want you to put that thick cock back inside of me, and I want you to fuck me as hard as you can. I’m not… I don’t think I’m going to last long… but I want us to cum together, okay? Fuck I think if I just touch my cock once while you’re inside me I’ll cum, so just don’t stop, just fucking pound me, Sylvain, and… fuck… I want to feel you shoot into me, please cum inside me, okay?”

Sylvain stopped to look up at Dimitri again, his face still sweaty, his breathing still heavy. Sylvain slowly moved his head to bury his nose in Dimitri’s exposed pit, causing the prince to squirm even more below him, tightening his legs around him. Sylvain licked at him once, and Dimitri began to cry out, begging him to stop. 

Sylvain smiled, took in a deep inhale, and stood up, getting off the bed entirely. He grabbed Dimitri by the waist and pulled him down to the edge of the bed. Standing, Sylvain’s cock was nearly aligned with Dimitri’s waiting hole. Dimitri’s legs hung in the air, waiting for Sylvain to grab him by the ankles and spread his legs a bit more. 

“Ready, love?”

Dimitri nodded, biting his lip still. As Sylvain slowly slid back into him, Dimitri’s face relaxed again, letting out a relieved sigh though a crooked smile. 

“Don’t take this the wrong way, Dima, but I’ve never seen you as happy as you are when my cock is buried in your ass.” 

“That’s because I’ve never been this happy, love. It’s so much… so much more than I thought it was going to be. Feeling you inside me, so close to me, loving me… I never… never thought I would get to feel like this.” Dimitri was actually beaming now, almost laughing. “I just fucking love you and your huge cock, Sylvain. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Dima.”

With that, Sylvain began thrusting in and out of Dimitri, slowly at first, controlled, withdrawing until his cock was almost entirely out before going back in hard. With each thrust Sylvain could hear the faint smack of his hips making contact with Dimitri’s ass, could feel his balls swing forward to bounce off him. Dimitri was back to the light whimper, less an expression of pleasure than a desperate, wordless plea for Sylvain to pick up the pace, which Sylvain happily did. 

Now, Sylvain was no stranger to a good pounding. But of course, this was different. His frantic thrusts, his own deep moans, his white-knuckled grip on the outsides of Dimitri’s raised thighs, all familiar moves taken to new heights, intensified, fueled by the passion Sylvain discovered that night, the first time he’d had sex with someone who wasn’t a means to an end, a poor replacement. And the pleasure that accompanied that passion, the enormity of it, was overwhelming, made every other person he’d slept with vanish from his memory, as if what he’d done in the past wasn’t even close to the same thing he was doing now. Watching Dimitri’s face light up with pleasure, hearing him pant and moan beneath him, running his hand down the prince’s sweaty chest, feeling his cock moving in and out of him, Dimitri’s tightness and warmth surrounding him, Sylvain discovered what sex was really like, what it was supposed to be like. 

“Sylvain I… fuck I can’t hold back much longer,” Dimitri whimpered. His hands were twisted in their sheets, his back slightly arched, his toes curling where they hung by Sylvain’s face. “I… I’m so close.” 

Sylvain didn’t have the breath to respond, his body devoting all of its energy to other, more important tasks. He was able to give a nod, wordlessly signaling to his lover that he was in a similar position. Sylvain’s vision was narrowing, head becoming lighter, heart pounding, as he approached his orgasm with each hard, fast thrust. Sylvain wasn’t sure what was going to happen next, if he was going to just pass out once he started emptying into Dimitri, if his heart would give out or his dick explode. 

“Sylvain I… fuck I haven’t even touched myself how… Sylvain, oh goddess, fuck I’m coming, I’m coming FUCK please don’t stop.”

Dimitri started shooting, this time not with a trademark roar, but with an almost silent moan, nearly breathless, his eyes screwed shut and his mouth wide, frozen in pleasure for a moment before his first ropes shot across his face, landing on his sweaty forehead, another coming down across his nose and open mouth. 

As he came Dimitri clenched tight around Sylvain, the added pressure and the sight of Dimitri’s cum-covered face launching him well past the point of no return. He thrust into Dimitri one final time, seating himself fully. For a moment he stood tall, straining to get deeper inside, as far as he could go, but as soon as he felt the first shot leave his cock, he collapsed on top of Dimitri, moaning through his orgasm, deep and loud and first but becoming more plaintive and soft with each pulse of his cock. His body felt limp, his vision darkened, ears ringing, as he continued to shoot into Dimitri, a longer, more intense orgasm than he’d ever had in his life, as to be expected. His orgasm took everything from him, drained him of every ounce of energy, until he was left panting, just barely able to lift his head to catch Dimitri’s eye. 

Dimitri was still beaming, face adorned with a rare wide smile. Dimitri was able to get up on his elbows, moving just high enough to catch Sylvain in a trembling kiss. Neither of them had words for what just happened. They couldn’t say anything their bodies weren’t already saying. After a few moments of this exhausted kiss, Sylvain slowly brought himself out of Dimitri, bringing one last moan out of the prince before he was out. 

Sylvain couldn’t go back to standing, collapsing instead on the bed, curling up to the prince’s side. Sylvain took one hand, still trembling, to brush some of the sweat-and-cum-matted hair away from Dimitri’s face. They looked at each other for a moment, until Dimitri brought his hand across them to grab Sylvain’s face and pull him back into a deep kiss. Sylvain pressed harder into Dimitri this time, once he felt the slide of Dimitri’s cum against his face and his taste on his tongue, smearing it between them. Sylvain broke away for a moment to lick up Dimitri’s face, catching a long rope of cum that had landed on his cheek. As he did that, he took one hand and, starting at Dimitri’s abs, began to run it up the prince’s chest, collecting the cum that had landed there. He broke away again to lick at the prize covering his hand. Dimitri watched him closely as he licked up his palm, still smiling, still panting. 

“Sylvain when… when we’re ready… we’re doing that again. And I don’t want to stop… I don’t want to stop until we either pass out or we don’t have any more cum left. Okay?”

Sylvain propped his head up on his hand, looking down while he continued to collect the cum from Dimitri’s chest with his fingers. 

“Deal. But I want to finish cleaning you off first, with my tongue.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This is my first fic, so any helpful comments appreciated!


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